Stardate 10242003
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOBSQUAREPANTS!
Andrew Overtoom, a director of the popular Nickelodeon animated children’s series (extra information added for all the people that DO live in a pineapple under the sea AND as archaeological data for future civilizations – I like to think of this column as a cultural Rosetta Stone) made a movie called MY LIFE WITH MORRISSEY about an office assistant, Jackie, who is convinced she is going to marry Morrissey. The hilarity ensues as she slips into madness and her delusion consumes her life. Jackie B plays the office assistant Jackie. The movie was filmed at the Nickelodeon offices in Los Angeles.
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After the midnight screening at the Silverlake Film Festival, I walked up to Overtoom and asked him “Did you make this movie?” I must have been tired because my surly tone made him think I was going to haul off and punch him and he was reluctant to tell me that he had. Morrissey fans must be a touchy bunch. What I love most about the movie is its over-the-top situational humor and sight gags and recurring jokes like “But I thought Morrissey was gay.”
Carmen Electra is getting physical. Carmen is like the soft-core Pamela Anderson and to prove it, she made a striptease aerobics. There was a big party that I didn’t go to that Kelly Osbourne was supposed to go to but I saw her on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE (which I watch all the time now) at the same exact time she was supposed to be at Carmen’s “bash.” And I was kinda bummed that I wasn’t going to go when I found out that the Osbourne clan sans Ozzy would be there. I didn’t even care that the Hilton sisters were supposed to show. I think there should be a law about turning so-called “society” brats into celebrities who do nothing more than show up at parties.
I mean, c’mon, give us more to care about than wealth. The spectacle of wealth – that’s an essay just waiting to happen.
These are the people who died, died. They were all my friends. And they died. (Thanks Jim Carroll)
Aw, fuck it. This column is my god-damned Thom Fowler show, so here’s a little more of that Jim Carroll .
Teddy sniffing glue he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine
More recently though:
Fred Berry (Rerun from the popular `70s sitcom WHAT’S HAPPENING that highlighted the humorous aspects of African-American life in the decade following the assassination of Dr.Martin Luther King and Malcolm X).
Elliot Smith - America’s OTHER favorite brooding isolate who once said he was not bothered by being known as the GOOD WILL HUNTING guy for his song “Miss Misery” which was on the soundtrack, even though he had three critically acclaimed albums. Fuckin’ mainstream media, man, their attention exists somewhere between number 3 and number 1 on the charts.
Smith died of an apparent self-inflicted stab wound to the chest. The dude committed hari kari. How much will power and what kind of state of mind do you have to be in to intentionally stab yourself in the chest? That’s so Shakespearean. Elizabethan methods of suicide included the blade, poison, hanging, flinging oneself off of cliffs and becoming a monarch.
I hereby bid you, mainstream commercial media, to refrain from overexposing the top of the charts and do some cultural legwork and act in a more curatorial mode to bring to the public’s attention cultural phenomena of note and interest representing the rich cultural tapestry that exists in our fair land and indeed the entire world.
There has got to be a way to do that without being all dry and PBS and National Geographic about it. It’s got to be HIP and YOUNG.
Ben Affleck- Outlaw
Because I can’t resist adding to the public mythology of all that is Ben. It’s more fun than playing Barbies. The Disney Co. Film GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST has itself given up the ghost. The company cited Affleck’s “tarnished image” as the reason for retiring the project. But he still got paid. So whatever. In my estimation “tarnished image” and getting dissed by the mouse are good things. Not that he needs any career advice, but he should play a bad guy like Louis Cypher in ANGELHEART or a gritty outlaw underdog a la EASY RIDERS. Not that are many people in Hollywood who could either write, direct or produce such a thing. But someone will try.
“They will try and fail?”
“No, they will try and die.”
While the rest of the world doesn’t care about this, the furor over the MPAA’s ban on sending Oscar screeners to Academy members and critic’s groups has taken on a dark turn. I have suggested to the critical community at large to simply turn a blind eye to MPAA member films until Jack Valenti relents on the ban. The main criticism against the ban is that it limits voters and critics access to “smaller” independent films and thus will sway Oscar attention towards MPAA member studios, which are generally the larger, wealthier studios.
While I hardly think it’s a novel protest, it’s a stretch for many daily city papers to get out of the “Top 3” mentality of entertainment reportage. I mean, hire a cinéaste, for guldurnsakes. There ARE other movies. Dump the junket whores and get a REAL cultural critic.
Jamie Oliver has become a whole thing. I love watching the spunky Brit cook up a storm on the Food Network. Recently he was asked to prepare a meal for Prince Charles. Jamie doesn’t cook stuffy old traditional English food, though. His menus
are usually heavily influenced by East-Asian cuisine with lots of spices and colors and texture– which is a far cry from the heavy and bland English fare represented by the Monarchy itself. God Save the Queen. (It’s a Fascist Regime. No Future. No Future. For You. Or Me.)
Oliver was in San Francisco last week to cook a special lunch for INFORUM – the younger, hipper version of the venerable lecture society, the Commonwealth Club. And it sold out, which sucked because I’m a big fan of Jamie Oliver. I like how he goes to the “fishmonger.” He and Tyler Florence of FOOD 911 are my imaginary boyfriends. I have a thing for chefs.
But not Swedish chefs. BORKA BORKA BORKA.
And soon, my obsession will turn into madness and all my good love will turn to badness and I will be like Jackie B. I got a little excited when I saw that Oliver has a JO Club – but it turns out it’s just a mailing list for updates.
My favorite Queer Guy for the Straight Guy is the foodie, Ted Allen. I like his detached and bemused yet ultimately compassionate personality. Although, that 50’s era martini set he once picked out was not what I would have chosen but I thought it was good that he showed how you can cull from the style of the past and blend them with styles from the present. Generally, I think it’s a good idea to not fetishize brands and simply go with what appeals to you the most.
Women Who Rock
Tamera Ferro of the San Francisco band The Cold War
Barbara Duffy of Suki Tawdry
Angela Brown of The Cutters. I worship this woman. Here is an interview with the Goddess herself.
Women Who Rock Who Have Clothing Lines[
Gwen Stefani’s got purses – L.A.M.B. for LeSportSac
Margaret Cho’s got dresses – High Class Cho
DONE! GO HOME!
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