Stardate 02:20:20:04
Kickin’ Back and Feelin’ Groovy
I am on freaking cloud nine. When I wrote my little article about gay marriage last week, I was just another quiet voice in a growing discussion but then Gavin Newsom, mayor of our fair city, decided to push the envelope and now gay marriage is international news.
Most San Franciscans are terribly proud of Newsom’s well-supported official act of civil disobedience. Several generations of brave gays and lesbians risked everything to advance our rights and to change social attitudes.
I was so moved that I wrote a letter to my senators and representative telling them that I support gay marriage. I wrote to ask them to remind their more conservative professional peers that it is highly unethical to codify religious beliefs into the law of the land. It is a religious belief that homosexuality is “wrong.” Homosexuality is a perfectly natural form of human sexual expression. Gays and Lesbians have endured their second-class citizenship long enough. Separate but equal is NOT equal. Don’t make me open up a can of whoop-ass.
“We do not need congress people to create social change, but we do need you to futz around with the laws,” I wrote. “Please work to mobilize support for this crucial civil rights issue among your peers on Capitol Hill.”
Specifically, I wrote to tell Senators Feinstein and Senator Boxer and Representative Woolseys not to support a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman. George Bush Jr is against gay marriage because he’s against gays and lesbians. An amendment defining marriage between a man and a woman is just like an amendment defining a human being as “a person of white color.”
Try this on for size, because as a gay person in our society, this is basically what I hear:
“I’m sorry, but a human being, and this is my strong belief, is a person of white color and European heritage. You can call non-whites, “provisional entities” or “breathing sentients” but you can’t call them human, that is a sacred term given to us by God and is only used for people of white color and European heritage.”
Feed the punch cards into the mainframe, Batman. It’s another message from the Riddler. “Bat Brain and Boy Blunder, Which President is a Moron?” [whizzz, whirrr, clink-klank, kachunga, kachunga, chunk. *ding*]
[Turns quickly to the left] “Holy Macadamia Nuts On A Toothpick!”
“Yes Robin, it’s just as I feared. What nefarious needler would maliciously meddle with our dynamic democracy?”
I went down to City Hall and joined the crowd of well-wishers that had gathered on the steps outside. Every time a couple emerged from the building, we cheered. Rose petals and rice covered the ground. Several broadcast news teams, independent documentarians and photographers were wandering among the people, asking questions, filing reports and filming for broadcast.
Surprisingly, no hate groups showed up to protest the proceedings. I don’t think they would have survived the backlash.
“Bash Back” – a sticker I saw at a gay bar last weekend.
While riding past the unceasing spectacle on the bus two days later, a young girl no more than eight years old said to her father, “The line is still there!”
Her father said, “What Line?”
“The line to get married.”
I thought to myself, “The front line.”
So congratulations to my friends Francis and Kevin, newly betrothed. Their picture appeared in the Los Angeles Times with the caption, “A great day for a gay wedding.”
His Purple Highness Graces Us With His Presence
Fans of Prince went insane this weekend as the purple one visited our lavender city last weekend. Prince announced on his Web site that he would play a show at the modest, seatless venue, the Fillmore. Tickets sold out in 90 seconds. So a second date was added. Which sold out in 35 seconds.
(make vacuum sucking noises now)
This is the third time Prince has played a secret surprise bonus unannounced last minute show in San Francisco. The first time he joined Sheila E. onstage at the Warfield in 1986 for her encore during The Glamorous Life tour. The second time was a secret midnight show at the Fillmore after playing an arena earlier in the day for members of his fan club.
Eric the Half-A-Bee
John Cleese made two appearances in the Bay Area to raise money for the Esalen Institute. The Esalen Institute was one of the very first California style holistic healing spas. Located in Big Sur, the Institute offers classes and workshops, “experiences” and “be-ins” and massage training to the turned-on, tuned-in and dropped-out generation and now their children, and children’s children.
I asked the Esalen spokesperson what Cleese’s affiliation with the institute was, but she never got back to me. So I conjecture that he must be a supporter. Because it was a fund-raiser and I’m a freeloading bottom feeder, I didn’t see the show, but I bet it was darned funny.
Women Who Let Men Push Them Around
Just last night I heard a little scream outside my house. I went out to investigate and a middle-aged woman was laying face down in the street and a middle-aged man was standing behind her. I asked them if they needed any help. The woman pushed her self off the street and said, “He’s the one who needs help.” And then she stormed down the street.
The man looked at me, crossed his arms in front of his chest and said, “We are just taking a walk around the block while intoxicated.”
*Ring* *Ring* Hello. Pick up the clue phone. “Hey Honey, let’s play our favorite game where we get drunk and then I push you around.”
Fresh and New
Getting a hair cut is just like getting an enema. You feel so fresh and clean afterwards. I took my grown-out rock star do into the shop for some body work and walked out with a frisky little shag. I’ve been sporting pink hair but it faded, so I resaturated the color. Hippies, punk rock girls and little kids are always complimenting me on it. My advice. If you want to change your life, don’t even bother with the excruciating self-examination and long years of retraining your behavior. Just dye your hair. The response from the world will be as if you were a different person. Which just goes to show you that appearance IS reality as James St. James (played by Seth Green) so eloquently explains to Michael Alig (played by Macauley Culkin) in the Worlds of Wonder film PARTY MONSTER.
Apple for the Teacher
I got a 100% on my first Final Cut Pro test. I’m taking a class at a local community college. Someone has to cut all that porn. It’s not like those things edit themselves. In my class are a lot of fetal directors. Maybe not even fetal. Maybe just futile. One girl has modest goals. “I just want to film baseball games.” She tells me she has a phone number for someone at ESPN who films the local games (that would be the A’s and the Giants) but that she is waiting to call until she “makes some more money.”
I swear, I must be put on Earth to simply help people adjust their reality. If you have the phone number of someone who can help you get closer to doing what you actually want to be doing, you do not wait – you call.
AND I’M OUTTA HERE! HASTA LA NEXT TIME, CHUMPS!
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