[We now join the Bizarro Oscars already in progress...]

BIZARRO JON STEWART: Ha ha. Me hope you hate that last montage of all people who not die this year. There am lots more montages happening later. Me hope you hate them too. Now, to give out next Racso for Worst Actor, here am Bizarro Cher and Bizarro Dustin Hoffman.

BIZARRO DUSTIN HOFFMAN: Bizarro Cher, you am wearing lots of clothes that me can't see through.

BIZARRO CHER: Yes, Bizarro Dustin, and you am very not stoned. Ha ha.

BIZARRO DUSTIN HOFFMAN: Ha ha, Bizarro Cher. Now, who am nominated for Worst Actor?

BIZARRO CHER: Am nominated is... Bizarro Heath Ledger, for playing not gay man who am just good friends with another not gay man; Bizarro Terrance Howard, who am pimp who dream of being a janitor; Bizarro Philip Seymour Hoffman, who play very tan not gay writer who write about happy puppies; and Bizarro Joaquin Phoenix who play Joey from New Kids on Block.

BIZARRO DUSTIN HOFFMAN: And the Racso go to... none of them! We give it to this homeless guy instead. Yay!

HOMELESS GUY: I really didn't expect this. It seems like just yesterday that I was kidnapped and brought to this planet by the Bizarros so that I could be Bizarro People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. And now to get this. I am so blessed. Could I please go home now?

BIZARRO JON STEWART: Ha ha. Homeless guy am Bizarro Jon Stewart's favorite actor. Now, Matt Damon in very small box.

[Matt Damon in a very small box is wheeled across the stage.]

MATT DAMON: AAAAH! Let me out! Let me out!

BIZARRO JON STEWART: [Weeping] Ah. Me am always crying at Matt Damon in very small box. Now, here am Academy President Bizarro Sid Ganis to have a knife fight with an angry monkey.

BIZARRO SID GANIS: [waves knife at angry monkey]

ANGRY MONKEY: EEK EEK! EEEEE!

[Audience applauds.]

BIZARRO JON STEWART: Bizarro Sid Ganis, me am thanking you for such inspiring monkey knife fight. Now we listen to all three Racso songs at once! Sing!

BIZARRO DOLLY "BIRD" PARTON MAFIA: [singing] Am hard out there in the deep for a pimp travelin' thru... Am racist pimp who want sex change. Mmm hmm.

BIZARRO QUEEN LATIFAH: On Bizarro World, that am good singing. And the Racso go to... me! I'd like to thank me for giving me this award. Me was real inspiration to me when giving me this award. Me not thank Bizarro Academy or Bizarro Jesus. Me not thank mother or father, who have nothing to do with me winning this. You not like me, you really not like me!

BIZARRO JON STEWART: And now, giving Racso for Worst Animated Movie, star of hit kid's movie, Turtle Prostitute!

TURTLE PROSTITUTE: You want sucky-sucky? Sucky-sucky!

BIZARRO JON STEWART: No, Turtle Prostitute, me no want sucky-sucky. That would be very bad, which on Bizarro World is good! So, who win Racso, Turtle Prostitute?

TURTLE PROSTITUTE: No one cares!

BIZARRO JON STEWART: Ha ha. That am very true. Now for awarding Worst Movie. Am it movie where feel bad for gays, movie where feel bad for liberals, movie where feel bad for gay writer, movie where feel bad for Los Angeles, or movie where feel bad for Middle East? [opens envelope] It Los Angeles! How sad! The end. Now commercials! Yay, commercials!

[End.]

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