THE VILLAGE
In search of medicine for her beloved, Lucius, who was mortally wounded by a retarded man (no, really), Ivy leaves the protection of the Village and journeys through the woods, which is the realm of Those We Don't Speak Of. After many days of travel, she happens upon the home of a nice old lady, who gives her medicine and soup, and sends her on her way. As Ivy leaves, the camera pans around to reveal... that the old lady was really Hitler!

SIGNS
After a mysterious crop circle appears in Graham Hess' cornfield, he begins to wonder if there are other forces at work. Suddenly, similar circles begin appearing around the world, and alien hysteria kicks in. Fearing an alien invasion, Graham and his family board up their house and hide in the basement. Horrible sounds emanate from outside, and seem to be getting closer... and closer... There's a thumping sound and... it's a puppy! A fluffy, cuddly puppy, who licks Mel on the nose. Turns out the puppies were behind the whole thing! They just wanted people to pet them and cuddle and wuv them. And feed them human blood.

UNBREAKABLE
David Dunn survives a horrible train crash without a scratch, which leads to a meeting with a mysterious Mr. Glass, who believes David is a real-life superhero. Glass sends David to discover if his theory is true, and winds up stopping a hostage situation. When he returns to Mr. Glass' comic book store/base, he accidentally shoots Marvin in the face, and has to hide the body at Jimmie's until Winston Wolfe can get there. The film concludes with Quentin Tarantino's lawyers delivering "cease and desist" letters.

THE SIXTH SENSE
Malcolm Crowe is a well-known child psychologist who is shot by one of his disturbed former patients. Some time later, he returns to work with Cole, who believes he can see the dead. Malcolm instructs Cole to embrace his power and help the dead people he's seeing achieve peace. One of the ghosts he helps is an older man who doesn't realize he's dead, a familiar man that the audience knows all too well: Hitler! Turns out he's haunted by the memory of a blind girl he once gave medicine to, back in his younger, living-in-the-American-woods-as-a-transvestite days.

LADY IN THE WATER
In a shocking twist, Shyamalan's upcoming film will have no twists whatsoever. This shocking twist will take audiences completely by surprise, which will turn into utter shock when they realize that having no twist was the twist. Complete and utter shock will give way to disbelief when audiences realize that, even with a meta-twist and all, the movie still wasn't very good, which they completely weren't expecting.

"Did You Know...?" M. Night Shyamalan Edition

• All of his movies make prominent use of colors. Red symbolizes "warning" or "danger." Blue symbolizes "safety" or "home," while brown symbolizes "poop."
• M. Night Shyamalan has never once made a film about wacky students at a law enforcement school, or a gorilla who plays baseball.
• His films are known for his "twist," or "lame," endings.
• He is no relation to Michael Knight.
• Suffers from intense automatonophobiaphobia, that is, an acute fear of people who are afraid of robots.
• THE SIXTH SENSE was originally intended as a comeback vehicle for Todd "Willis" Bridges and Gary "Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout" Coleman.
• He has eaten his weight in imitation crab, and frequently and belligerently challenges cast members to imitation crab-eating contests.
• His last name translates to "man who is bashful around fruit."
• In return for his endorsement of American Express, Shyamalan asked for and received a genuine license to practice as a "Female Body Inspector" at state fairs. His "mustache ride" permit is pending.

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