ALL AGES
One Mother's Tips for Kid-Friendly Comics, Web Sites and TV Shows

By Tracy Edmunds
November 2, 2004

And now for something completely different. . . . I’m giving the girls the week off so I can warn you about comic books, graphic novels, and assorted goodies that look like they're for kids, but are definitely not. Pottymouths, sex, and violence, oh my! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) You should read these, but the young’uns shouldn’t. Keep ‘em locked in the nightstand.

BARRY WEEN (ONI PRESS): The idea for this column came on Free Comic Book day. The girls were choosing their free comics, when one of them said, “Oh, look – Barry Ween. That looks cute.” And it did; two cute little boys holding a stuffed monkey – awwww. The comic guy responded with, “I don’t think so…he’s a bit of a pottymouth.” So, of course, I had to get it (for me and the hubby). Damn if this isn’t one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! Basically, Barry is a child prodigy (think Einstein times ten) whose best friend is a moron. They, of course, get themselves into all kinds of trouble; they turn the babysitter into a mutant gorilla, travel into alternate dimensions, and foil an art heist on a field trip to the museum. The stories are great, but what really makes it funny is the genius-level use of R-rated vocabulary. What is it that’s so funny about kids saying #&$@*? JUDD WINICK is another guy who makes his living saying the F-word to 13-year-olds (who shouldn’t be reading this), and this comic will make you laugh. Really, really hard.

BLUE MONDAY and SCOOTER GIRL (ONI PRESS): I’m so in love with CHYNNA CLUGSTON-MAJOR – not in that way, but in a “you are my idol” sort of way. She’s groovy, talented, funny, and has incredible taste in music. Her characters are beautiful, both the boys and girls, and the covers of her books are appealing to young girls who desperately want to be teens. Inside, however, the storylines are definitely mature. The latest BLUE MONDAY arc centers on Bleu’s discovery of masturbation and subsequent, frequent indulgences. This is probably a great book for teens who have already seen the movies in health class and are acquainted with the F-word, but I wouldn’t want to have to explain porn, masturbation, and transvestites to kids under ten.

BLUE MONDAY is about a group of high school kids in what I’m guessing is the early ‘80s – it’s got a mod/ska vibe and lots of pranks and sex jokes (though there’s no actual sex). SCOOTER GIRL is the story of the most popular guy in school and the incredible girl who becomes his downfall. The clothes Chynna creates for her characters are worth the price of the books, but the stories are fun, too – kind of teenage ska and scooter soap operas. I especially like the soundtrack that Chynna provides – each section of the comic has a song assigned to it. Now, if she would put together a CD….

KINDERGOTH (BLOODFIRE): “Oh, look mommy, a little goth girl! She’s cute! Is she in kindergarten like me?” I caught Sarah reading this one – luckily she was only a few pages in. Now, if your little one can’t actually read, this won’t give them an eyefull – only cartoony violence (the main character likes to bash bullies in the head with her lunchbox, leaving an imprint of Taiwan backwards), no blood or gore, no sex. However, if you have a reader, keep KINDERGOTH hidden or you might have to explain something like this: “…other than Mrs. Petermann stripping naked and dry-humping Mrs. Whitmore while singing ‘Oh Come All Ye Faithful’ nothing really happened at all!” Yeah, that might be kinda awkward.

The four-issue story follows Alise (the Kindergoth) and her cute little goth pals as they deal with school bullies, grim reapers, and alien abductions. I really enjoy this comic for it’s twisted humor (Did you know pork rinds are a narcotic to aliens?), but mostly because it’s a reference fest. Writer LEE KOHSE works in everything from BUCKAROO BONZAI to SPACE GHOST to THE PRINCESS BRIDE, and, of course, the obligatory STAR WARS nods. And Jay and Bob are in there somewhere, too.

UNFUNNIES (AVATAR): The title says it all. The characters look like Saturday morning cartoon cast members; a cute little duck, an Augie Doggie style mutt, cows, crows, and penguins. The storylines, however, include pedophilia and child murder, among other lovely topics. I certainly enjoy adult entertainment, but this is not funny, just sick. MARK MILLAR crosses the line, apparently just to cross the line. Just because you can, Mark, doesn’t mean you should. Fortunately, even though the characters are cute, the covers make it pretty clear that this is adults-only stuff – I hope comic shop owners are keeping it behind the counter.

TWISTED TOYFARE THEATER: Can’t breathe … laughing … too … hard …. Must … regain … control …

Now this is how you do sick funny. TWISTED TOYFARE THEATER, which appears as a strip in WIZARD’s TOYFARE magazine and in collected editions, uses Mego and other action figures to act out some of the most hilarious scenes I’ve ever, uh, seen. Spidey is the smart-ass anti-hero, which works almost too well. Iron Man is the town drunk, Smurfette and the Invisible Woman are hos, the Scarlet Witch is an abusive wife, and Professor X raps. Want to see Doc Ock and Aunt May try to join the mile-high club? Dr. Doom as the Grinch? Mr. Fantastic and Namor fall in love? Hulk take a dump down a manhole onto the Morlocks? This is the place.

We had to hide these, because the girls kept sneaking them away and hiding to read them. I imagine it might be disturbing for a 5-year-old to see a smurf taking a bullet through the head or Ewoks eating Jar Jar Binks. Lots of fake blood (and real hamburger), sex jokes, and mainstream comic characters run amok – and for adults, laugh-out-loud, tears-streaming-down-the-face, holding-your-sides funny.

NEXT TIME: The newest MARVEL AGE and JOHNNY DC titles for "all ages."

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