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THE BOTTOM OF THINGS
By Michael Sampson
June 11, 2003
When people think of New Jersey they traditionally think of three things. The first is the Bruce Springsteen/Bon Jovi connection. The second is –- for some odd reason -– the NJ Turnpike, which has become a slightly dirtier, smellier and more industrial Route 66. And the final thing being the fabled Jersey Shore, home to beaches that feature some of the finest mid-`80s fashions and highest bangs you’ll ever see on a woman. If you thought B.U.M. Equipment clothes were out of style, come to the Jersey Shore. Haven’t seen a hairy 300-lb man wearing a tank-top, gold chains and a speedo eating sausage and peppers lately? Come to the Jersey Shore. Wanna meet some guys named Frankie, Paulie, Sal, Petey, Vinnie, Tony and Joey? Spend some time in Belmar. Wanna party with these guys? There’s only one place to find guys like these…
But while that segment of the Jersey population does exist, it is, in fairness, just a small part of life in Jersey. There certainly is more to this fine state than just Bruce, the Turnpike and the beach. And I think the rest of the country is finally starting to realize.
Yes -- dare I say it -- New Jersey is experiencing its own renaissance.
Just a few days ago, Jersey’s own Devils hoisted Lord Stanley’s cup up high as they -– for the third time in eight years -– became the NHL’s champions. Even stranger, their arena-mates the Nets are battling the Spurs in the NBA finals and should they win (which at press time looks unfortunately unlikely), the world would likely implode from the sheer impossibility of it all. The Nets winning the championship? The Nets and the Devils winning the championship in the same year? What if the Giants or Jets won the Super Bowl next year? What if more than twenty people attended a MetroStars game? Surely the seas would begin boiling shortly thereafter.
But a possible double-championship for New Jersey is just the tip of the iceberg. The proximity to New York, easy access and available real estate make Jersey a no-brainer for the Hollywood community. And if that $80 million studio back lot on the Hudson goes through then all bets are off for Jersey. Just get ready to put those big letters spelling out N-E-W-J-E-R-S-E-Y on a big green hill somewhere. It’s not quite a Vancouver just yet (where a good portion of Hollywood productions are filmed) but give it time.
As it stands, Jersey is already home to one of the biggest dramas on TV in THE SOPRANOS. I still get e-mails from friends who recognize towns near mine on the show and feel the need to tell me about it. And while some Italian-Americans and Jerseyans have gotten their collective panties into a collective bunch over the portrayal of stereotypes, they’re certainly in the minority and the series was part of the spark of the Jersey pride movement and a great boon for Jersey awareness. (An unfortunate side effect being every Stallion now trying to act like he’s a made man just `cause he’s an Italian living in Jersey.)
But why does Jersey have such fervent support? Why are people like Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi so unabashedly, all-things-Jersey that they name albums after this fair state? You don’t hear many albums about Wisconsin or Utah. [EDITOR’S NOTE: No, but Bruce Springsteen does also rave about Nebraska] Nothing against either of those states, but they haven’t seemed to illicit the proud response in their residents like Jersey has.
I think it boils down to the state being a great underdog. Like Gonzaga or Weber State or one of those random NCAA teams that always manages to take a top-seeded team down in the tournament. They’re maybe not Final Four quality but you know they’re always fun to watch cause they’re perpetually the underdogs. They never get respect.
Jersey folks are well aware of the perception of Jersey in the rest of the 49 United States and as such tend to have an even stronger sense of pride. Like the old “Don’t Mess With Texas” only a smaller and somewhat smoggier scale.
It also helps that Jersey has been home to some great, well-known talent. In addition to Springsteen and Bon Jovi, who pop to mind first when thinking of the state, there are plenty others. For instance, two of this past year’s Oscar nominees have Jersey roots with Jack Nicholson being born in Neptune and Meryl Streep currently residing in Summit. And of course they’re not the only famous folks connected to Jersey. Take a look at this list:
Jason Alexander
Jason Biggs
James L. Brooks
King Kong Bundy
George Carlin
David Copperfield
Both Abbott and Costello
Glenn Danzig
Brian DePalma
Danny DeVito
James Gandolfini
Ed Harris
Whitney Houston
Ice-T
Zalman King (See! You have Jersey to thank for RED SHOE DIARIES!)
Nathan Lane
Jerry Lewis
Ray Liotta
Kurt Loder
Norman Mailer
Dudley Moore
Shaquille O’Neal
Joe Pantoliano
Joe Pesci
Brad Pitt (Spends his summers with wife Jennifer Aniston at their lakefront vacation home.)
Paul Rudd
Roy Scheider
Joel Silver
Frank Sinatra
Kevin Spacey
Meryl Streep
John Travolta
Steve Zahn
Not to mention the father of cinema, the Wizard of Menlo Park, the Thomas Edison without whom none of us would even be here today. Film wouldn’t even exist. We’d still be living in caves, wearing loincloths and savagely attacking wild boars for meat.
True, the state was dealt a blow when one of its most increasingly popular residents Kevin Smith packed up shop to move west, but we’re grieving and recovering nicely. Plus he gave back by including Jersey in his next film’s title. (And no, there aren’t many women who look like Jennifer Lopez in New Jersey.)
So has someone finally taken a bar of Irish Spring to the nation’s so-called armpit? Well…let’s not start jerking off just yet. The ride up the Turnpike is still a stinky one. But it’s certainly come a long way. And it may never get the respect it deserves but I think I like it that way. I’ve always loved the underdog.
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Now comes the time to introduce a new feature to the Bottom. Keeping with the awful “Poop” puns, this little item is called “Brain Dump.” Similar to Ryall’s little feature at the bottom of his page where he lists what he’s watching/reading/listening to that particular week, this is just a random collection of what’s running through my head or I can’t stop thinking about. What’s it supposed to mean? Supposed to mean?! I…don’t…know! Just a window into my psychosis. And like a virus, these are things I can’t get out of my head until I pass them along to someone else.
1. “Can’t get enough of Super Golden Crisp, it’s got the crunch with punch!”
2. She’s that cute girl from the Kia commercial and now she’s in Michelob commercial and a laptop commercial and I feel like I see her everywhere. A little web research turned up a name: Stacey Scowley. Someone who reads this must know her and must be able to get me more information.
3. Fountains of Wayne – “Hey Julie”
4. Must not forget to TiVo CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM…
5. Is the new Zelda game reason enough to buy GameCube? Is it a doomed system like so many say? If so, then does Xbox or PS2 win out?
6. Alyson Hannigan – yay or nay?
7. Black cherry soda
8. Was that just Julianne Moore as the woman about to put the crown on Pee-Wee’s head in the opening dream sequence of PEE-WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE?
9. “You are ear delicious!”
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