By Terrence J. Brady
MARCH 2004
March Madness?
While the NCAA has its annual rounds of championship games and the "Final Four" competition, the CGC Hall Of Shame unveils its own version of champions a.k.a. the CGC Final Four.
Not since Dudley Moore was tripping over his [censored] - lusting for that flawless beauty in the 1979 film "10" - have we seen such a bounty of perfection.
Not one...
nor two...
or even three...
...but FOUR slices of CGC flawlessness! (Sigh) If only CGC were around two decades earlier, perhaps we could have slabbed Bo Derek and kept her from prying hands.
ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #2 - Mint 10.0
Price: $379.95
Non-slab price: cover
In last month's column, the first appearance of the ULT FF made a brief cameo; appearing in ULTIMATE MTU #9. That book went for a nickel shy of a C-note (which in its own right is whack!) but that doesn't even come close to the level of nuttiness we have achieved with our first March inductee.
Sporting a March 2004 cover (hey, isn't that this month?), the second issue of ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR has earned itself a prestigious spot in the Hall of Shamedom. This monumental 10.0 slice of warped perfection soaked some sucker for nearly four bills! (And I'm not talking Geo Washington bills either).
With the money spent, the buyer could have purchased 169 copies of this book. Imagine. Enough copies to read, store, share with friends, swat flies with, design paper airplanes, create funky little cutouts, make confetti, wallpaper your bedroom ... the list is endless. But no. This sorry buyer only has ONE copy. Guess he'll never know the fun he might have had.
Story by Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar with art by Adam Kubert. Better run for the hills if anyone ever releases a perfect 10 of issue #1. No telling what one's bank account might look like after buying that slab of history! Thanks to Todd S. of Chicago, IL for submitting.
1602 #1 - Mint 10.0
Price: $208.50
Non-slab price: cover
Neil Gaiman. Did something called SANDMAN for DC comics a while back. Don't think it did too well, though, as it ended after only 75 issues.
Ha ha. Yeah right. If "Casper meets Wendy" is your idea of excellent storytelling in the pulp medium, then you wouldn't be familiar with the above mentioned series. However if you're a bit more astute, then you know Neil Gaiman is one of the foremost scribes in the industry, concocting award-winning tales of epic proportion.
1602 is Gaiman's latest contribution to the House of Ideas. An eight-part miniseries, Gainman got the idea for this project after the events of 9/11 while in Venice, Italy. The comic is a period-piece, set in Europe as the Catholic Church's Inquisition is pursuing and rounding up a breed of witch-like characters. The tale starts up with an elderly Queen Elizabeth on the throne of England. Her ministers include the usual suspects of Marveldom: Sir Nicholas Fury (Minister of Intelligence) and Dr. Stephen Strange (Court Physician and Magician). Others that appear include a blind Irish balladeer (Matthew Murdock) and Count Otto von Doom (he's the bad guy). Many of these "witches" have come to the England for safe haven under the arm of a Carlos Javier and ... (okay, end of commercial).
While not a "What If..." tale, this mini-series comes highly recommended though can be difficult to read ... if the gawd darn thing is SLABBED! Also [NEWSFLASH], for those few unaware (like this buyer), these books are still on the shelves ...at COVER! Much appreciation to Kelly A. of Colorado Springs, CO for submitting.
JLA / AVENGERS #1 - Mint 10.0
Price: $535.00
Non-slab price: cover
Back in December a JLA / AVENGERS #2 sold for $62. While that price is still ridiculous, as the book is still available at cover, it doesn't even come close to the level of absurdity that our next featured auction attains.
JLA / AVENGERS #1. Perfect 10.0 CGC magic. Why is it magic? Because in order to acquire this book, one's money must first disappear and not even the combined might of the JUSTICE LEAGUE or "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" is gonna save your sawbucks from this evil entity.
Now, I'm sure someone out there is reading this and griping: "This fool don't know #&*% jack! This book is H-O-T! Soooooold out. Its worth wayyyyyyyy more than cover. Blah-blah, blah-blah, blah...."
The reality is: Yes, the book is hot. I went into detail (back in December) about the long wait for this team-up to occur and yes, it sold out. (Shoot if its hot, of course its gonna sell out. Duh). But to be duped into paying 175X cover for this book is price gouging. The selling amounts are all over the board on this book but if you have even the slightest bit of patience, you can find copies going for under $5; some as low as $1.
Art by Perez. Story by Busiek. A "must-read." Not a "must-pay-out-the-ying-yang." Thanks to Brian M. of Sydney, Australia for submitting..
PUNISHER #1 - Mint 10.0
Price: $401.00
Non-slab price: cover
April 16, 2004
This is the date that the new PUNISHER film will be released and we may finally be free of that horrendous 1989 rendition starring Dolph Lundren. That movie was done back when Marvel couldn't make a decent comic book film if Aunt May's life depended upon it.
Actually, I'm not sure what was more absurd. This '89 film or that Lundren gets such half-witted roles. Examples? Rocky IV (1985), Masters of the Universe (1987), Universal Soldier (1992). The man, after all, holds a master's degree in chemical engineering, was offered a Fullbright scholarship at MIT and speaks five different languages. I think he needs to fire that agent of his.
In honor of this forthcoming film, we have included the new PUNISHER comic as our last member of the CGC Final Four. Not sure if the Punisher or Venom has more series/mini-series/one-shots but according to the auction page, Frank Castle's name has appeared on the masthead of 350+ issues. Pretty impressive for a guy who has ZERO super-powers. What's even more impressive? That some yahoo thinks this book is worth $400! Big thanks to Willy K. of Sturgis, SD.
Wow! Do you realize the total amount spent on the four books above is over $1500!
$1500 for cover-priced books (three of which are dated this month!). To better understand this phenomena of slabbed perfection, the CGC Hall of Shame went to the experts. Some of you might recall Henry Rollins? Once a hard rocking musician, he now devotes his free time to the selling of slabbed pulp. He has amassed hundreds of thousands by slabbing off-the-rack comics and auctioning 'em off on eBay at incredible prices. The transcript of our phone conversation follows:
CGC HOS: Henry, thanks for joining us today. Please tell us why you believe CGC comics are better than non-slabbed comic books?
HR: You've been out there. Tried to mix with those animals and it just left you full of humiliated confusion.
Sure, comic grading can be a bit subjective and there's always the chance of receiving a mis-graded book. But why should I trust the CGC?
You're desperate... and then you meet me and your whole world changes because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear. So you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears and you trust me completely.
Well, it certainly seems like CGC is an excellent way to guarantee not getting screwed on a grade ever again. However, that shouldn't make them worth anymore. And what's the deal with these 10.0 grades? Why should I have to pay enormous amounts of money for these comics?
I'm perfect in every way cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside. You feel so lucky but your ego obscures reality and you never bother to wonder why things are going so well. You wanna know why?
Absolutely.
....because I'm a... LIAR! Yeah! I'm a LIARrrrr!
What's that?? You mean the prices for these slabbed books are bogus? That they're NOT worth all this extra money? Why would someone ever fall into this trap of paying more?
I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say, "I really identify with you, sooooo much" and all the time that you're needing me is just the time that I'm bleeding you. Don't you get it yet?
I'm outraged! Comic collecting is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for all. You people are causing havoc on the industry. Have you NO SHAME man? Have you no conscience??
...if you'll give me one more chance, I swear I will never lie to you again.
Are you crazy? People have forsaken car payments, mortgage payments in order to buy the books you see within this column. This is a grave injustice to all. How can we ever trust you again?
...because now I see the destructive power of a lie. They're stronger than truth. I can't believe I ever hurt you. I swear I will never lie to you again, please just give me one more chance.
Hmm, well if you put it that way, I suppose. I realize you're just human and trying to make a profit. You got a little greedy but now you realize the error of your ways. It would be unfair of me to continue to criticize you after such an apology. Please forgive me as well.
....ha ha ha ha ha hah haa haa haa haaa.
What so funny?
Sssssssucker! SUCK--ER!!
Wh-what do you mean, Henry?
I'm a LIAR! Yeah, I am a liiiiiiar! Yeah! I like it! I feel good.
But-but you just said ... you said you woul--
-- I lie! I lie! I lie!
Henry...? Hen--?
-- Ohhh I'm a liarrr. I lie. Yeah. I like it.
(Hmm, I think its time to end this interview.)
-- I'll lie again and again....
Well folks, as you can plainly see from this interview, the CGC facade is just that. Beware of false claims that 10.0 books are deserving of the lofty prices which sellers say they're worth and be on your guard for CGC sellers who greet you with a smile and a handshake (for their other hand is probably lifting your wallet). Umm, Henry? Are you still with us? Any parting words from the CGC camp?
...I'll keep lying. I promise.
Yes, a promise is a promise and I promise... that I will be back here next month with another round of inductees for the CGC Hall of Shame. Thank you and good night.
Want to participate in the CGC Hall of Shame? Just follow these simple rules: (1) The comic must be Modern Age - 1980 to the present. No Gold or Silver Age books please. (2) The comic must be from an on-line auction house; like eBay. (3) The comic must be CGC graded and fetch a minimum winning bid of 10X Overstreet Guide. Include your first name and last initial with your city/state (or city/country).
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