By Terrence J. Brady
NOVEMBER 2003
Comic condoms?
Yes, you heard right - comic condoms. I received an email from a
non-comic fan the other week and she asked, "What's with those comic
condoms?" Well (after I picked myself up off the floor from laughing so
hard) I began to see how prophylactics and CGC encasements might appear
similar. They both offer protection, come in different sizes & colors
(CGC tabs that is) and if either one breaks open, then you're "screwed!"
Of course, you can just get CGC to reseal the book for a nominal fee
(and pray you get the same grader - haha) but the other "protector"
doesn't offer such a guarantee. Wow -- guess that gives the good ol' CGC
"one up" on the contraceptive industry.
OK - time for some new inductees and just in time for Halloween! Will it
be "tricks" or "treats" I wonder? Let us proceed to door #1 ...
X-FACTOR #6 - NM 9.6
Price: $150.00
Non-slab price: $1.00
While APOCALYPSE made his cameo debut in the previous issue, X-FACTOR #6
featured his first [full] appearance in July 1986. However, if you want
to be real anal, his true first appearance occurred some 5000 years ago,
as a member of the Akkaba clan, in Ancient Egypt. (Didn’t I just say it
was anal?)
Anyhow ... in the past fifty or so centuries since, APOCALYPSE has been
on a tear attempting to conquer the world and has gotten himself
entangled in a few different timelines. In any event (no matter what
timeline you're presently inhabiting) this comic is no pharaoh's
treasure - nor worth the 919+ Egyptian pounds that this bidder paid for.
Known to his pals as "En Sabah Nur," this first (and baddest) mutant
continues with his evil manipulations in recent years. He's been
responsible for infecting Scott Summer's child with a techo-virus, as
well as, clipping Warren K. Worthington's wings -- fashioning him into a
metallic archangel of death. Does this guy need a Hollywood film or
what?
While MAGNETO has done an admirable job in the first two X-MEN movies,
the film series would certainly take on a grander / broader vision of
the mutant universe if we were to see APOCALYPSE featured in the third
film. Sure, the flip-flopping through a non-linear timeline might throw
a few folks off but if Tarantino can pull it off, I'm sure Bryan Singer
can figure it out. And he better hurry, I hear Hugh Jackman is in the
running to take over as the new 007; now that Pierce Bronsan is retiring
his guns. (Who needs Q when Bond is sporting adamantium claws??)
Well, until this 5000-year-old mutant makes his Hollywood debut, feel
free to check out his first appearance for a mere 6 Egyptian pounds.
Thanks to Derek L. of South San Francisco, CA for submitting.
Fantastic Four #250 - NM 9.9
Price: $104.50
Non-slab price: $1.00
John Byrne's five year run on Marvel's flagship book is just another
reason why the 80s were so memorable.
Starting with FF 232 in 10/81, he took the Marvel readership on a wild
and wonderful ride that many had not seen since the glory days of Lee &
Kirby.
In 1983, the FF's 250th anniversary issue featured a cross-over of
Mutants, Avengers and even a Spider. What's even better is... twenty
years later, you can still pick up this book for cover.
What's that you say? You prefer your books "CGC minty fresh" with a big
stamp of approval on it? Then my friend, you must fork over 100X its
value ...but... with your purchase, you receive an honorary membership
to the Yancy Streeters' Marching Society and a random copy of MILLIE THE
MODEL. (Cool!) Thanks to Anthony A. of Baton Rogue, LA.
Tomb Raider #1 - NM 9.9
Price: $151.49
Non-slab price: $2.00 -
$20.00
So is it $2.00 or $20.00? Sorry, I have no idea. You see this is what
happens when a company gets greedy and puts out 12 different versions of
the same comic. Sigh ...
TOMB RAIDER (Image/ TopCow) made its foray into the comic genre in 1999
after making its debut in the world of video games. Since then we have
been subjected to over a dozen one-shots and mini-series plus two
feature films starring Angelina Jolie as the sexy archeologist/ tomb
raider.
Lara Croft is the "tomb raider" who enjoys snatching up ancient
artifacts from the ruins of temples and dead cities. Armed with a pair
of deadly weapons (oh right, she also has a couple of guns) she takes on
death-defying stunts to acquire these rare treasures. Boy, why couldn't
have Lucas & Speilberg thought up something like this?
The first film (2001) achieved box-office gold by grabbing over 130
million in domestic receipts, however the second film managed just half
that amount - making this 2003 sequel less attractive to Hollywood
moguls.
While Jolie stated that the first two films "were fun" she's also said
"two is enough" as she begins to focus on new projects. Though many are
familiar with her raunchy escapades with ex-beau Billy Bob Thornton,
Jolie is also one the nation's leading philanthropist, donating a third
of her income to charitable organizations. (I tip my hat to you,
Angelina).
So, will the video game turned comic turned Hollywood feature survive
without Jolie as Lara Craft? I bet the chap who bought this comic for
150 bucks is praying so because if not, it might take another planetary
alignment (5,000 years) before he gets his money back. Thanks to Carlos
S. of Abilene, TX for submitting.
Have a safe and happy Halloween everyone and remember ... if you get a
rock in your bag (like Charlie Brown), please don't hurl it at any CGC
bootlickers. The poor bastards have enough headaches just trying to
figure out why they're spending so much money on comics.
Hey! To submit a comic for consideration in the CGC Hall of
Shame, please follow these simple rules: (1) The comic must be
Modern Age - 1980 to the present. No Gold or Silver Age books please.
(2) The comic must be from an on-line auction house; like eBay. (3) The
comic must be CGC graded and fetch a minimum winning bid of 10X
Overstreet Guide. Please included your first name and last initial with
your city/state (or city/country).
I will see you next month with some real "turkeys" from the CGC.
E-MAIL THE AUTHOR
| ARCHIVES
