August 8, 2002
By Jason Pritchett
Each week in GRAND DELUSIONS, we'll be taking a look at unsolicited letters that were sent to various production companies, studios, and agents around Hollywood in the past few years. These are the ideas that slip through the cracks of the development world. Flashes of cinematic genius that spark, only to fizzle, then fade away into obscurity...Some are funny, some are scary, some are pitiful, some are incomprehensible-but they all share one quality: they're REAL! Names and addresses have been removed in most cases to protect the innocent (and spare them the mockery and ridicule... ). Join us now for a trip into the bizarre world of Hollywood wannabes!
This week is the special "All-Website" edition of GRAND DELUSIONS! We've got three strange ones for you this time, so
let's get right to it! Our first example actually comes from a legitimate website called Surf View that matches up
independent film producers with private and institutional investors. Somehow, this one managed to slip through, though.
It's called HEAVY SOUTHERN NIGHTS:
"Sly "SLIM" Manning, 39 a swinging, Caucasian pimp in the deep south and former Marine Sniper, discharged for lack of swimming ability, seems to be in control of his tacky world. Little does he know that JOHNNY JONES a black, undercover, Arkansas state cop, has been sent to the GYPSY DEN (Slim's topless nightclub) to infiltrate a growing teen sex ring."
If you click on the link above, you'll see that you contribute to the fund to raise the $200,000 that the producer needs to make this movie. Who among us would miss the opportunity to invest in a movie made in Hot Springs, Arkansas, after all?
Our next website was brought to our attention by comics writer Gail Simone (DEADPOOL, KILLER PRINCESSES). Gail stumbled across
the one and only J-Bolt one afternoon, and the world has never been the same since. See, J-Bolt fancies himself a comic
book writer, a screenwriter, and a director-yet no one can seem to find ANYTHING that confirms he's any of these things.
He does have a pretty extensive website for his LIGHTNING BOLT COMICS ,
though, and for the low, low price of $10, you can view a few pages of his "upcoming" comic. It's been upcoming for 2
years now, but that's another matter...
J-Bolt also claims to have a movie based on his comic book, BOMBSHELL, in the works.
The film will supposedly star Rena Mero (better known as "Sable" from the WWF), Pat Morita, and Adam West. The last time we checked, Mero's representatives had no idea who J-Bolt was, nor had they ever heard of the BOMBSHELL project. And finally, you can find out why J-Bolt was "forced" to move the release date of BOMBSHELL: THE MOVIE to February 14, 2004, instead of 2003:
Explore the rest of the site while you're there. There's enough material for a year's worth of GRAND DELUSIONS!
Last, but certainly not least, it's what you've all been waiting for: the return of TENNESSE WINSTON LUKE! I'm quite surprised that none of you Grand Delusionists have found his website yet! It's at the oh-so-obvious address of http://www.tennesseewinstonluke.com/. You can see TWL's reel (where you can see him "act" in four different scenes), updated resume, and headshots, two of which I'll provide here, as a teaser!
I'd also like to announce that we'll be shooting a documentary on Tennessee Winston Luke, starting later this month! When it's finished, it will make its worldwide debut on Movie Poop Shoot! You'll get the real story behind the man, the myth, and the legend-plus, you'll get to see him show me how to control the weather, mine gold, and practice martial arts at sunset. You won't want to miss it!
In next week's GRAND DELUSIONS, it's back to the query letters!
If you have any weird, wacky, or bizarre letters for GRAND DELUSIONS, please contact Jason Pritchett at jsnpritchett@moviepoopshoot.com.
SHOOT-BACK HERE! |
ARCHIVES
