August 23, 2002
By Jason Pritchett
Each week in GRAND DELUSIONS, we’ll be taking a look at unsolicited letters that were sent to various production companies, studios, and agents around Hollywood in the past few years. These are the ideas that slip through the cracks of the development world. Flashes of cinematic genius that spark, only to fizzle, then fade away into obscurity…Some are funny, some are scary, some are pitiful, some are incomprehensible—but they all share one quality: they’re REAL! Names and addresses have been removed in most cases to protect the innocent (and spare them the mockery and ridicule… ). Join us now for a trip into the bizarre world of Hollywood wannabes!
We’re back with two more letters this week, one a true classic, and the other, a new entry into the pantheon of delusional greatness. Our first letter has been making the rounds of Hollywood for a few years now. The author writes to tell about the mysterious “Jade Triangle.” At least, I think he does, since I can’t really make heads or tails of what he’s trying to say. I think someone needs to introduce this man to the concept of actually putting spaces in between paragraphs and dialogue.
On the second page, we get more wonderful dialogue from our writer, including the immortal line “J.C. traded in his icebox for a Coke machine.” I remain firmly convinced that there’s a deep meaning hidden somewhere in that line, although I’ve yet to find it. It just sounds like it must mean something.
But we’re not done yet, dear readers! There’s a third page, where we can gain valuable insight into our characters. For example, “The woman at the bar…I call the Woman At the Bar: Malaysia.” Well, I think that says it all, don’t you? I need to know nothing else about her now…
Our final letter is hot off the presses, and comes from a loyal GRAND DELUSIONS reader who sent it to me last week. I have nothing to say about this one (trust me, it speaks for itself!), other than that if these were “the best times” for me, I’m fairly certain I’d be considering shooting myself.
One scheduling note as I leave you: as Chris Ryall mentioned earlier this week in his ONE HAND CLAPPING column, GRAND DELUSIONS is switching to a bi-weekly schedule. It will be published on alternating Fridays starting with this week’s column, with a new BLOWING OUT THE CANDLES filling this space in the weeks when GRAND DELUSIONS doesn’t run. I hope you’ll check out both of my columns, if you’re not already!
If you have any weird, wacky, or bizarre letters for GRAND DELUSIONS, please contact Jason Pritchett at jsnpritchett@moviepoopshoot.com.
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