December 13, 2002
By Jason Pritchett
In each GRAND DELUSIONS, we’ll be taking a look at unsolicited letters that were sent to various production companies, studios, and agents around Hollywood in the past few years. These are the ideas that slip through the cracks of the development world. Flashes of cinematic genius that spark, only to fizzle, then fade away into obscurity…Some are funny, some are scary, some are pitiful, some are incomprehensible—but they all share one quality: they’re REAL! Names and addresses have been removed in most cases to protect the innocent (and spare them the mockery and ridicule… ). Join us now for a trip into the bizarre world of Hollywood wannabes!
GRAND DELUSIONS is back to give you one last jolt of letter-writing insanity before Christmas! Our first letter comes from a man who’s not afraid to make enemies in this town—in fact, it looks like about half of Hollywood is on his list. Can someone please explain to me why some of the dialogue from ALIEN would be stolen from an “original speech at peaceful public assemblys?” I think it was the part where Ripley says “Mother! Turn the cooling unit back on! Mother!…You bitch!”
Our second letter comes from the only writer to have sent along pictures of herself (in a bikini, no less!). Apparently, bikinis are quite important to this woman , because not only is she wearing one in both pictures that are including, but the author goes into detail about a bad tan caused by another knit bikini. I’ve always had trouble with uneven tans while wearing those, too…
But she’s not finished yet, readers! On the second page of the letter, she actually asks to play the lead role in the movie since, after all, it’s based on her, of course. That’s STILL not enough, though. She’d also like Clint Eastwood to have a face lift and then she’d be willing to star opposite him. What a generous and giving actress…
Check back soon for a new GRAND DELUSIONS!
If you have any weird, wacky, or bizarre letters for GRAND DELUSIONS, please contact Jason Pritchett.
E-MAIL THE AUTHOR |
ARCHIVES
