Movies that have sinned against God and nature...

[Dr3vil]

This thread is in tribue to all those movies that were bad and should have been better, or needlessly perverted a potentially viable license (or you just want your seven bucks back).

To kick it off, does anyone recall the Generation X made for FOX movie? Aside from bad expectably bad acting, it had horrid, laughable, but too often simply pathetic special effects (like the charcter stretch who was occasionally and obviously replaced with stretchy foam). Sure FOX's Punisher wasn't great by any stretch, but it at least had Hasselhof.

At times like this I deeply mourn the loss of MST3K...

EDIT: You're right, it was Nick Fury, not Punisher, I was wondering why I remembered him with a patch...

[JIM]

Fox did The Punisher with Hasselhoff!?
I thought it was Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. .
A movie I wish I did'nt pay for was "Robin Hood: Men in tights". I lost a lot of respect for Mel Brooks on that one...Still love his earlier work though.
GOD, when I think about it, there's sooooo many movies that sucked... not like that's a revelation or anything to us astute movie watchers /forums/images/icons/smirk.gif

[Outer1]

The last movie I went to see and walked away really feeling ripped off and irritated about was The Others. It was awful, and I seem to steer clear of anything Nicole Kidman has been in since. Also I wasn't real pleased with A Beautiful Mind. I fell asleep twice in that movie. I wouldn't mind a refund for either of those lol.

[Crystal]

I really liked 'The Others'. But two that I can think of are 'Gosford Park' and 'The Majestic. Suicide-inducing garbage. I'd rather die of boredom than bored irritation.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Post deleted by Ryall

[Dr3vil]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
you have a sick saad life you little cock sucker
yes mst3k was bad but cummon when did it occur?
how much did it take in. Talk about a better movie that deserves the publicity whether it was good or bad. At least one that sold 2 mil in the box office. Sorry ass monkey banger![/b]

Aw christ, the 13 year old cuntrags are out in full force now. I was saying we need mst3k in these turbulent times to trash some of these atrocious movies. And box office tallies have nothing to do with whether you want to put the director up on trial and demand your seven bucks back.

And in the category of movies that should burn for all eternity, the American Godzilla. Granted I was watching a french subbed version and french class while playing cards most of the time, but it had the sort of plot that made you dumber for understanding it.

[Ryall]

&gt;Aw christ, the 13 year old cuntrags are out in full force now

Not for long, they're not. But we don't need the name-calling here, either, man. Just be cool and if people start talking this crap, drop me a line and they'll be gone.

[Omaru]

Getting back on track with the forum:

Scream 1,2,3 I hated them all (my honest and PERSONAL) opinion. They gradually declined, no suprise Neve Campbell's movie career did too.

Scary movie 2: think about the films it ripped off, 13 ghosts, Hollowman, House on haunted hill, etc, the majority of them sucked, It seemed like a spoof of unfunny horror sequences put together randomly, I loved the first one.

Battlefield earth: the less I say about this the better, Travolta actually wants to make a sequal????? hahahaha.

[CoolMinded]

Battlefield earth suck so bad that it wasn't even funny. /forums/images/icons/mad.gif

[CoolMinded]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
A movie I wish I did'nt pay for was "Robin Hood: Men in tights". I lost a lot of respect for Mel Brooks on that one

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey, that movie was funny as hell.

[Dr3vil]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Not for long, they're not. But we don't need the name-calling here, either, man. Just be cool and if people start talking this crap, drop me a line and they'll be gone.

[/ QUOTE ]
Sorry about that, the urge to make obscure view askew references sometimes overrides my sensibilities.

Oh, and I personally liked Men in Tights, but it was a bit weak in comparison to all the great Mel Brooks films that preceded it.

Crowd: "A BLACK Sheriff!?"
Achoo (Dave Chappelle): "Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles."

[Omaru]

Now they've been bought to my attention batman forever and batman and robin, little nicky and umm.... I think I'll give other people a chance (also my excuse cause I cant think up any more)

[soundnfury359]

You know what movie was a real letdown? Shallow Hal. I still love Jack Black but that movie royally sucked.

[Outer1]

Oh now I like the first scream. That was a pretty original ending and Matthew Lillard is a comic genious. Neve Campbell has signed up for a new horror movie, and supposedly in her contract there's a clause that if they can find a viable script that she will also appear in a new scream. When will they learn to just leave it alone.

Batman forever was reasonable, Batman and Robin blew chunks.

Shallow Hal was def. a niche audience comedy. It was way to offensive to be mainstream, but I thought it was a decent comedy.

[soundnfury359]

The fat offensive bits didn't bother me, but then again I'm a 98 pound weakling. I just didn't find it funny.

[snoopydancer]

Event Horizon. I went to the movie because the Sci_Fi channel hopped it up so much. then sat through it wishing I could walk out but my ride seemed to be enjoying it. Little did I know he was thinking the same thing about me. That's like two hours I paid for and will never get back.

[Zens_7s]

Full Frontal - A pretentious, name-dropping, plot-less, "look at me I am Steven Soderbergh and I am so cool and artsy" collection of drivel.

I should have used the $7 to buy a stiff drink.

[MattSinger]

My column is a veritable cornucopia of movies that tarnish cinema's good name. This week I reviewed The Avengers, which is really an awful, awful film.

The worst movie I had ever seen, the one that if I had the power to erase one movie from history I would eliminate, is An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn. As bad as you've heard it is, it is far worse. I watch crummy movies with a bunch of pals, and when we tried watching that one, my friend stood up fifteen minutes into that movie, walked to the VCR, and hit stop. He had never stopped a movie before - we were all in shock. With shame in his voice he moaned, "That movie kicked my ASS!"

Feeling cocky, I decided to finish the movie on my own, and got about an hour in before I passed out; I suspect my body shut down as a defense mechanism designed to prevent me from inflicting bodily harm upon myself. I had to rewind and watch the last awful half hour. NEVER AGAIN.

[Denyse]

Gotta disagree with you on "Full Frontal" Zen (and you know I rarely do), for me it was just J&amp;SBSB without all the f--- words. I really dug it. I'd have to go instead, with Groundhog Day (with apologies to Antony) as my entry.

[Aaron]

Freddy Got Fingered made me cry, and not in a good way.
It's just such a shame to see a guy with so much potential to blow it on something that unbelievable bad.
I think he needs to start acting in films that he had no part in writing or producing.

[MattSinger]

&gt;&gt;I think he needs to start acting in films that he had no part in writing or producing.

He did that in Stealing Harvard. If you've seen it, you know it wasn't much of an improvement.

[Aaron]

Damn I thought he had a part in writing that one...
This makes me look bad too because I was blaming him for another flop with Jason Lee
Oh well, looks like I can only blame Jennifer Love Hewitt so far...

[Omaru]

I really hope "almost famous" wasn't one of Lee's flop films because I really enjoyed it, they should have had more of Jeff Bebe (Lee) getting pissed at Russel, but overall his performance was 'incendiary.'

[Dr3vil]

Dear God... Have you heard of the movie The Cube? It was a really nice, low budget, and most importantly clver sci-fi movie that got somewhat of a cult follwing after being pimped out by the Sci-fi channel.

So Sci-fi channel wanted to milk it even more. They made CUBE 2: HYPERCUBE (actual title, I sh!t you not). It revolved around a "4-dimensional" cube, the implications of this quantum physics concept might have been interesting if explained, but don't worry, it's just an excuse to do zany things with space and time for arbitrary reasons that defy all of their origional explanations. Heap on horrid acting and a plot that's entirely predictable aside from the occasional inane plot twist which adds nothing to the story, and you have the sort of bastardization of a franchise that only unspeakable torture can vindicate.

[Crystal]

That sucks. I really liked the original version. I don't get sci-fi though.

[MattSinger]

I'm in the minority, but I never liked the original. You mentioned the crappy acting in the sequel; didn't the original have pretty crummy acting? I just remember them yelling "Boot it!" and "The boot will protect us!" and groaning.

[Crystal]

You can't blame bad dialogue on bad acting. The actors didn't write it. My brother tried to describe the plot to me but I just didn't get it. I thought it was pretty imaginative when I saw it and I liked who the only one to get out alive was.

Donnie Darko, now that was a pile...although the acting was decent.

[Outer1]

LOL I liked the cube and will no doubt watch what is bound to be an awful sequal.

As to Donnie Darko its nice to know there are others out there that can't stand that movie. I get so sick of hearing people refer to it as such a wonderful and thought provoking film. *barf*

[MattSinger]

&gt;&gt;You can't blame bad dialogue on bad acting. The actors didn't write it.

Very true, bad dialogue is bad dialogue. However GOOD acting can make you ignore the fact that the dialogue is bad. Colin Farrell's dialogue in Daredevil was atrocious, but he was having so much fun in that role, I didn't mind it at all. That was most surely not the case in Cube (in my opinion, of course).

[lcooney]

Dr. T and the Women. Worst movie I've ever seen. I get to watch movies for free, and I still feel I was ripped off of 2 hours of my life. Robert Altman, you owe me BIG!!!

Les

[Dave]

i pitty the fool that don't like Mr. T and his women...
oh wait that was lame, nevermind.

my vote, "Spanking the Monkey". The cover to the video says Shockingly Funny, well it's shocking, but i wouldn't say it was anything resembling funny.

walker

[RenaissanceMan]

Ahhhhhhhhh...spleen-venting time!

1.) Blair Witch Project

Okay, okay. I know it was marketing genius. The movie itself was a total bore, and not at all scary. Any movie whose camera work is so terrible it makes an audience visibly ill is on my list for demolition.

2.)The One - Jet Li

I watched my DVD copy of this movie once, and immediately turned it into an expensive coaster. This movie was so bad, I couldn't even bring myself to sell it to someone else for fear they might actually watch it.

3.) Kenneth Brannaugh's Frankenstein

I laughed my ass off when Kenny and a naked DeNiro slid around in the gelatin...but this movie is not a comedy. I also laughed when Helena Bonham Carter breaks the lantern over her head and runs around with her head on fire. That's not funny, is it?

4.) From Hell

Should have been called "Sleepy Hollow 2: Ichabod in England."

5.) The Phantom

I wasn't fond of Billy Zane before this flick; I wished him in summer stock after this clunker.

6.) Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Cool gadgets, fake knockers, shower scene, sure. Story, anyone?

7.)The Time Machine

Could have been great...adaptations are a fickle beast, and this one should have been put to sleep long before it reached market.

8.) Star Wars Episode 1 and 2

I won't argue for a second about technical innovation here. But what the hell is wrong with George? He could care less about a little thing called dialogue, it seems. He even hired a writer, and the best the two of them could come up with was, "I'm Owen Lars. This is my girlfriend, Beru." It's like he WANTS to destroy any credibility the franchise could have had.

I'd go to ten, but might burst a blood vessel...I give credit to ANYONE who can make a halfway decent movie these days. It's not an easy thing to do.

[Outer1]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
6.) Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Cool gadgets, fake knockers, shower scene, sure. Story, anyone?


[/ QUOTE ]

Who needs a story? LOL

[DangerSeeker]

Last year had quite a few mind-numbing, pain-inducing, make me want to stop seeing movies type movies. Star Trek Nemesis was bad, but I'm not much into Trek, especially lately. Worse though was Life or Something Like it. I wanted to go up into the projection booth and beat the projector witha 2x4 until it stopped.

The worst, though, was Halloween: Ressurrection. I am a pacifist. I do not believe in physical violence. After this movie I wanted to fight. I needed to hit something, and it took all my restraint to not hit those leaving the theater calling it "their favorite" or "the best one yet." It would have been a mercy killing, Like "Of Mice and Men." "Can we go watch 'Stroker Ace,' Lenny?" Gahhhh.

[Outer1]

With Halloween you have a bit of a different scenario. It's a favorite among favorites for horror fans. So those of us who hold that genre in high regard are willing to give it a lot. We allowed for the fact that in part three Michael Myers wasn't even in the damn thing, and then the mystrious man in black *gag*, but we keep returning, and when the next one....yes there is a next one lol, comes out we'll see that one too. If you watch or go see movies solely for arts sake I think you'll be dissapointed nine times out of ten. However if you are willing to turn your brain off for ninety minutes, most movies (not all, but most) can at least be entertaining. We saw this particular movie at a midnight showing on opening day, it was packed full, with screams from the scaredy crowd at all the right places. It was a lot of fun.

I will be there when Freddy battles Jason, and anything those two wacky fellas do after that. And Michael Myers can join in anytime he feels like it.

[DangerSeeker]

In my heart I agree, and I'll be there for the next one. I could enjoy Jason x for the fun, shutting my brain off, for example. Hell, this is the first Halloween I outright hated. I overlooked the continuity leap of H20, I tracked down the producer's cut of 6 so I could see the best version (and did wind up liking it a good deal more). I even read the script for this one months ahead of time, one of the worst I've read. I had an idea going in it wouldnt be good, but let hope build each time I read they were "fixing" it. They actualy made it worse. It's been a rough emotional conflict, having one of my all time favorites be in the same series as one of my all time most hated. On the plus side, every time I see a movie I hate, it makes me that more confident I can (and hopefully will) do better someday. Then people can trash my stuff on chatboards.

[deadfiller]

H8 was godawful, and as violence inducing as previously mentioned. I've gotta say the WORST film I've ever seen that appeared to have the budget to be a full realization from the writer/director is The Dark Backward. It's so strange its funny to the point of being completely unfunny, then back to funny again, and settling comfortably in unfunny territory. I own a copy just so one less person could have the displeasure of seeing it. But at least the guy who wrote/directed it went on to do MOUSE HUNT

[Omaru]

I no longer like horrors, not because they arent scary, not because of their big budgets but for many reasons, what used to be "chilling" or "innovative" has now declined into group of the rich, perfectly teethed twentysomethings pretending to be teens, they are whiny, annoying, you are glad when they killed. The humour isn't funny anymore, I dare not Open m mouth regarding the monstrosity that would Be "I still know what you did last summer." anyway my mind works in weird ways, For example I somehow managaed to enjoy Hollowman. It wasn't good but I prefered it to say, wes cravens new nightmare, halloween h20 and bride of chucky. In fact if there was a more recenty lame horro film I've enjoyed, it would probably be 13 Ghosts, and thats only due to Shannen Elizabeth.

[jjcourtright]

Worst movie ever? Going Overboard. Adam Sandler's first movie. Co-starring Billy Zane. It was so bad that the only thing I can remember from it was a mer-man saying "This is my daughter, SLIMY." Terrible.

[Shocker22]

I have never seen either of the movies you talked about. The Avengers looked hoorible enough in the preview that I never had the urge to see it, and the other movie "Burn Hollywood Burn" never heard of it but I suspect that I wont be making any attempts to see it now. But anyway...Without a doubt the worst movie I have ever seen would have to be "The Pest". Words cannot describe how horrible that film was. It took me about seven attepmts to see the whole thing, and the only reason I was trying that hard was because all my friends said it was really funny (I no longer talk to those people). John Leguizamo (If I spelled his name wrong, I'm not sorry) is the worst actor on the planet. Well maybe not the worst, I am sure there are one or two people out there who are worse then him. But he is sure as hell one of the worst comedians to ever grace this planet. But moving right along... Coming in at a close second on the worst movies ever made list. "The Transporter" I was sure that movie was going to be good all the way up untill the end of the opening credits. I'm not sure if it was the horrible direction, the house seeking missles, or constantly being reminded that our hero drove a "Black 1999 BMW 735I". It was probably a combination of all of those. Never-the-less that movie had a lot of potential and managed to completely screw everything up. I wont go any further down my long list of hated movies, so i will end with this. Freddy Got Fingered kicked ass.

[SecretArt]

Valentine..i would really like the 1hour and 1/2 of my life back that i wasted watching that

Harvad Man

Chicago.....sorry what the hell is all the fuss about?!

[Aaron]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
But at least the guy who wrote/directed it went on to do MOUSE HUNT

[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah man, loved that film
I think Lee Evans is a genius anyway
But it was the first good slapstick movie since the Laurel and Hardy days.

[Outer1]

I'm sorry did you just say that Mousehunt was a good movie? I'm not really sure how to react to that lol. All I remember about that movie was falling asleep in the theater and missing about 1/3 of it. The only times I've falled asleep like that were during that one, A Beautiful Mind, and Episode 4 rerelase. The last one was just because it was a Midnight flick and I was tired. The others are because I was bored out of my mind.

How can you say that it's the first good slapstick? You don't consider Airplane or History of the World good slapstick?

[Aaron]

Airplane wasn't a slapstick film though
It was a parody film with some slapstick in it
It can't be compared to the stooges, L&amp;H etc
Didn't see History Of The World, but if it's along the same lines as Airplane then see above

[ELPARKINO]

the last movie i almost had to commit seppuku...GODS AND GENERALS....or GAG if you like....becuse that is what i surely did...it was so completely god awful....there was almost no cohearance whatsoever....it was about 4 or five different stories randomly jumpeed back and forth to...my lord, and it was long to boot...my girlfriend and i both cheered at the intermission...i wanted to flee the scene of that cinematic crime...i wanted to go see that steve martin movie with queen latifa...forgot the name of it...but it was on at a parallel time...but i was forced to sit the movie....my word...that was the worst experience i have ever had to endure....

[DangerSeeker]

At least you had an intermission. I saw it at a press screening, and was promised one, but it never came. They just kept going, and going. When the credits finally came up, we were so exhausted and delerius that we thought that was the intermission.

[psychofiend]

Movies that have sinned against God and nature...
Let's see...
Juwanna Mann
Godfather III
The Crow 2

[code6enterprises]

From Justin To Kelly
Bio-Dome
Kangaroo Jack
The Lizzie McGuire Movie

[psychofiend]

Hey don't messwith Lizzie Maguire, by the way all of us freaks are disney and nickelodeon watchers.

[ratm1966]

Ok, first off, I would like to say that why are you mourning the loss of MST3K? It still plays here every Sunday morning on Sci-Fi.

Second: Well, nevermind, there are way too many stupid movies out there to narrow it down to just a few.

[Razorback]

You watched From Justin To Kelly?

RB

[Zens_7s]

Remember, his girlfriend made him go. Or that is his story....

[code6enterprises]

No one will ever really know.

[gavampielestat]

OMG!!! the worst movies in the world would have to be:

Master of Disguse
Dracula 2000
Patton
Spice World
Powerpuff Girls (the movie)
Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame (1&amp;2)

[THX1138]

I as well enjoyed that film. But Mel Brooks History of the World Part I was even better.

[psychofiend]

Patton?? How can anyone not like Patton that movie was a stroke of pure genius.

[ratm1966]

Yeah, ditto what psychofiend said.

[psychofiend]

Tnak you my Raging friend. By the way if Ratm doesn't stand for Rage Against the Machine, sorry for calling u the "raging friend."

[Omaru]

I think "The Cell" sinned against nature, there was little substance in there, it was a okay idea poorly executed. they could have made it more scary instead of turning it into a s&amp;M/artsy music video minus the music.

[ratm1966]

Well, I know of no other ratm other than Rage Against The Machine. Who, in my opinion, were probably one of the greatest bands ever.

[towelie99]

Rage Against the Machine are alright. They're just so angry, though! Can't they make happier tunes?

I'M KIDDING. I'M KIDDING. I SWEAR I'M KIDDING! /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

[ratm1966]

Happier tunes? If they sung happier tunes, you might as well call them the Backdoor Boys and then kill them. Oh wait, that is Backstreet Boys.

Happy Against The Machine.....Nah, that just doesn't cut it.