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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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GAME ON!

By Ian Bonds

November 4th, 2005

Holy Crap, That’s A Lot of Games! Wow, kids. With the holidays fast approaching, I am overwhelmed by the glut of gaming goodness (and badness) set before me. So much so that I had to take an entire week off from the column to even PLAY these damn things. So settle in, folks, we’ve got quite a few reviews a head of us tonight, and some of them are down right scary!

WARRIORS, COME OUT TO PLAY-AY!

For some, THE WARRIORS remains a cult classic film signifying the end of the cinematic era of the 70s. The language, the violence, the social commentary and the rawness of it all single it out in the annals of cinema, and we’ve yet to see another like it today. And while the violence itself has been topped in many a film since, the combination of the film’s commentary on gang violence, the language of the era and the sheer ludicrous number of gangs in the movies opening scene have kept the film unique. Now that the flick has been re-released for a whole new generation on DVD, the folks at Rockstar Games have turned the cult classic into an action-packed beat ‘em up for PS2 and Xbox, and those days of brawling are back again in style. Can you dig it?

The game actually begins three months before the events in the film, and doesn’t delve into the plot of the movie until you’re about two-thirds into it. You begin with the introduction of Rembrandt, the gang’s tagger, into the gang, and build on the rivalries between The Warriors and Coney Island’s other gang, the Destroyers. As you play, you switch between gang members, including their leader, Cleon the Warchief. Each character you play as can issue “Warchief Commands” to your gang, having them help you tear down opponents, stay behind while you search for an item, or just generally cause mayhem and destruction.

As you progress, you’re taught the basic combat commands, as well as how to obtain money in the rough streets of New York, circa 1979. This includes the ol’ smash and grab in department stores, stealing car stereos, and, of course, mugging folks for cash. Combat is basic but intuitive, and is completely satisfying in group rumbles. If a fellow gang member grabs an opponent from behind and you attack them, it triggers any number of random attacks in slow motion as you brutally finish them off. As you build up your attack power, there’s a “Rage” mode you can enter where you attacks become stronger and you can perform some lethal special moves. While all of this may seem to be normal beat ‘em up fare, it’s well executed here, and the number of moves you can do is diverse and fun.

At the gang’s hideout, you can also build up your stamina on the heavy punching bag, or roam around Coney Island doing various side missions for extra cash and to pick up more members to join your gang. While the environments are quite as huge as GTA, there
really is a lot to do around town. You of course have to watch out for cops while you’re jacking someone, though, as they’ll try to arrest you if they catch you in the act. Not like you can’t beat them down too, though.

The game won’t win any awards for graphics, however. While the character models are fresh and the backgrounds retain the look and feel of the film, facial animations are a bit sloppy, and a few characters suffer from the same “webbed hands” as the GTA characters. Still, what is it I value over eye-candy? That’s right, substance over style. The game’s play control and story eclipse it’s shortcoming in the visual department. The game’s audio is also top notch and deserves some recognition in that many of the actors from the film return to voice their characters. Rounding out the “plus” side of things is the stellar two player co-op option, which just heats things up for more mayhem.

All in all, the game is a fitting tribute to the film, as well as its fans. Folks who’ve read the book it’s based on will find little homage’s to certain parts that didn’t make the movie, and brawler fans will find a solid action title that proves the beat ‘em up isn’t dead in this age of 3D. And it took one based on a 26 year old film to do so. Dig that.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

NOTHING TO F.E.A.R. BUT F.E.A.R. ITSELF

For many, the PC is the only way to play first person shooters. Well, it’s about time I jumped on that bandwagon too, and for my first new shooter, I took on one of the big guns. F.E.A.R., out now in both CD and DVD-Rom Director’s Cut formats is an intense, story-driven action shooter, and is one that must be played with the lights off and the sound up. And, hopefully, on a computer that can handle it.

As a new member of the elite F.E.A.R. team (that stands for First Encounter Assault Recon), you’re drawn in quickly to a case involving a cannibalistic murderer with paranormal abilities. You, however, have some cool supernatural forces of your own, as you have the ability to see events in ways others can’t, as well as being able to slow time itself to your advantage.

The gameplay controls are simple yet intuitive, and everything reacts the way it should. In addition to your normal gunfire, you have a selection of melee moves depending on how you approach your opponents. Overhead smashes, karate moves and even scissor
kicks pepper your arsenal with style and precision. The game itself is presented in a stylized cinematic format, with various cut scenes telling the plot in snippets between stages. All the action is presented in a manor to rival many Hollywood blockbusters, and the game’s graphics showcase this well. Be sure you have the newest graphics card with all its updated drivers, however. As pretty as it will look, it may not run so smoothly if you don’t. While everything looked nice on my rig, my card wasn’t new enough, as the framerate never went over 25 fps.

Still, it certainly didn’t deter from the frenetic action on screen. The game is visceral action at its finest, with spectacular particle effects as bullets whiz past you, sending sparks flying as they hit metal along their course. The game is gruesome and gory, as bodies fly, blood spatters and corpses are eviscerated right before your eyes by mysterious entities. This is scary, gross fun, and is made all the more frightening by its perspective.

As first person shooters go, the action couldn’t be more hardcore. Rounding out the action is some serious multiplayer action for up to 16 shooters. Throw in the effects and powers of the main game and you’ve got some hyper-kinetic multiplayer deathmatches.

The game is gorgeous, gory, and just all around great. Truly this is one of the finest FPS’ around. Worth the time and money, as well as the severe change of underwear.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

DOOM3D AGAIN

For scary first person shooters, last year’s DOOM 3 was the reigning champ. A few months back, it was released on Xbox, and its expansion was released for PC. Now that expansion is out on Xbox as well, with a few more features for DOOM fans. And you don’t even need the original game to play it.

Picking up two years after the events on Mars from the last game, the UAC soldiers return to the planet (stupidly) and find there’s even more demon action going on. All is not lost, however, as you have even more weapons and powers to contend with, including a double barreled shotgun, a weird pulsating blob that does demon-like damage, and,
finally, a flash-light mounted on your pistol. While that last one may not sound like much, it’s so worth it to not have to switch between the two items while traversing the darkness of the mining colony on the planet.

As expansion stories go, this one is fairly basic, however. There’s not much more gameplay to be had despite the new weaponry, and veterans will blow through the adventure in short time. Still, there’re a few other things to delve into, such as the original ULTIMATE DOOM and DOOM II games (that were included on the DOOM 3 Collector’s Edition disc) as well as MASTER LEVELS FOR DOOM II, all with some killer multiplayer action.

For fans of the original DOOM 3, this is a perfect game to play for when you need just a bit more scares, as well as some welcome trips down FPS memory lane. For others, it may to be short of a trip.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

RESIDENTIAL RETURN

Back in January, we had already seen what many were claming to be the game of the year, despite it being the BEGINNING of the year. Now, some 11 months later, PS2 fans are finally getting to experience what Gamecube devotees knew all along. That RESIDENT EVIL 4 is a game to be reckoned with. And now, with its port s=comes new game modes and other surprises, making it worth buying all over again.

Now, with its port to PS2 comes some drawbacks. The character models aren’t nearly as detailed as the Gamecube version, and the backgrounds are significantly muddier. But honestly, you’d be hard pressed to notice too much difference there. Plus, the advantages of the port greatly outweigh the let-downs. Firstly, there’s an all-new weapon for Leon: a laser that targets the parasites within ad removes them instantly. Then there’re the additional costumes for Leon and Ashley, which offer greater resistance to damage for our hapless heroine. Finally, there’s the unlockable SEPARATE WAYS game, which is
a completely separate adventure, this time telling Ada Wong’s side of the same tale you just played through in the main RE4 game.

As for the main game itself, it plays just about as well as the Gamecube version, with only a few minor changes. None of them directly affect gameplay, but those of you who’ve played the game through numerous times will notice that some sections of the game have slightly different layouts than before. All the action is retained, however, and the non-zombie zombies are back in their shuffling, muttering, scary-ass running best. The control, as before, is top-notch, and still the best for the series.

With all the things this game has going for it, it’s no wonder it’s set to make many of the year-end “best of” lists. Now, even more gamers have the opportunity to catch this title. Though, it’d be nice if Capcom released the SEPARATE WAYS mini game on a separate disc so Gamecube fans could enjoy that one as well.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

QUICKSHOT OF THE WEEK

A few weeks ago I reviewed X-MEN LEGENDS II: RISE OF APOCALYPSE for the home consoles. Now, the game has been released for the handheld PSP system, and it’s just as awesome as its console brethren. All the gameplay modes have returned, including wireless multiplayer action for up to 4 mutants. The graphics look even sharper on the small screen, and there’re a total of NINE new missions exclusive to the portable version, as well as 4 mutants not available on the bigger versions (including fan
favorites Cable and Cannonball). The control remains mostly the same, though slightly altered due to the lack of a second analog stick. This is remedied by the inclusion of the shoulder buttons as a sort of “shift” button, allowing you to switch characters or call them in to help you. Plus, with all the extras included and multiplayer fun, you’ll definitely not be at a loss of cool powers to exploit or baddies to beat down. Now you can get your mutant fix on the go, and wage war with the Brotherhood by your side whenever you’re stuck in traffic.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

Well, that’s all for now, kids. There’s plenty more to come next week, including more PC reviews, as well as some sports fun. Yeah, that’s right, I said “sports”. Who am I, and what have I done with the Ian you know and love? Stay tuned…

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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