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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg










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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly *EXTRA*

By Matt Singer

July 7, 2004

Rise of the Fans: A Report From Fanzillacon Film Festival 2004

July 7, 2004

Construction on Wachusetts Regional High School forced this year’s graduation ceremony into the nearby Worcester Centrum Centre in Worcester, Massachusetts. Walking up to the glass structure in their green and white gowns, members of the Class of 2004 were visibly confused by the sight of a man in a meticulously detailed Darth Vader costume, flanked by two men in gleaming white Stormtrooper outfits. Some walked past gawking at the spectacle, looking around and wondering if they were being recorded for a hidden camera show. Others requested graduation photos with the Imperials, who politely consented to their requests.

The unusual culture clash was provided by the first annual Fanzillacon Fan Film Festival, also using the Worcester Centrum for part of its weekend of festivities. On the ground floor, teachers and administrators imparted life lessons and quasiphilosophical wisdom about becoming leaders of tomorrow, while two floors up, film geeks were attending seminars about special effects, scriptwriting, and lightsaber choreography. Stormtroopers even acted as the nerd equivalent of bouncers; one stopped me for several minutes while he tried to ask for my convention pass while his walkie-talkie sputtered out unintelligible gibberish.

Described on its website as the first and only fan film festival in the country, Fanzillacon is dedicated to “a new appreciation for the art of filmmaking in the age of glorious digital gadgetry.” While some use these new tools to create their own works of art, others use them to piggyback onto their particular pop culture poison: most frequently the world George Lucas first created in the 1977 film STAR WARS. Fan films devoted to STAR WARS represented the vast majority of material screened at the convention. These men and women – all right, mostly men and the patient women who grudgingly indulge them – eat, sleep, and breathe these films, so what could be more exciting than squeezing their way into them?

Watching a weekend’s worth of fan films, you get the sense that they are created by people with a desire to obtain in their lives the perfection they see on the big screen. The problem is life isn’t perfect; that’s why we go to the movies in the first place. Fanzillacon offered numerous opportunities to see exactly how far these fans will go to step inside their favorite movies, how exciting it can be when they succeed, and how amusing it can be when they fail.

The same Darth Vader who presided over the WRHS graduating festivities provided several examples of the latter. This anonymous man, assuming the mantle of one of the greatest of all screen villains, worked the pre-festival crowd, meeting and greeting with an imposing air. Then he had to step inside Fanzillacon’s movie theater and, reaching for the door handle, missed, stumbled, and nearly toppled over. Unfortunately, the Dark Lord of the Sith could not see clearly enough out of his helmet to realize the handle was on the other side of the glass.

Those full body STAR WARS costumes may be clunky – it’s always a good idea to hold on to the banister when climbing stars or escalators in them – but they do have a powerful effect on both the wearer and the observer. STAR WARS nerds, outsiders to all but their peer group, put on a Stormtrooper outfit and become part of a mass. It is conformity as the ultimate expression of fan allegiance. This is the smartest reason why someone would reveal Darth Vader as, to quote Kevin Smith, “a feeble, crusty old white man” in RETURN OF THE JEDI. Beneath his mask, Darth Vader, the coolest villain ever, looked like the vast majority of his peer group: chubby, balding, and pasty white. It’s the same reason teenage geeks love Spider-Man; beneath the mask he’s nerdy Peter Parker with the same problems they have.

Children are clearly moved by the outfits as well; even toddlers who don’t yet know what a star war is stare at them with a mixture of fear and admiration. An older child at the convention with a toy lightsaber confidently attacked one Stormtrooper, who reacted not with force but with keen logic. “No! I’m not a bad guy!” he pleaded with the aggressive child. “The Rebels are the bad guys! They want to overthrow us; we’re the good guys! We’re the government!” There is a Michael Moore joke in there somewhere, but I leave it to you to find it.

The best STAR WARS fan films were those that captured the fun and excitement of the original trilogy. You couldn’t do much better at Fanzillacon than the simply titled RYAN WIEBER VS. MICHAEL “DORKMAN” SCOTT, a plotless five-minute lightsaber battle that drew enthusiastic applause from crowds. Performed, choreographed, and filmed by the two talented fan filmmakers of the title, RYAN VS. MICHAEL is full of DIY verve and excitement. The intricate fight choreography, filmed in lengthy takes, is particularly outstanding, better than most Hollywood action movies in the last two years. Not surprisingly, LucasArts recently hired Wieber as an associate effects artist. And he looks like he’s about fifteen years old.

Generally, the strongest fan films were those with a good sense of humor. Trey Stokes’ PINK FIVE presents the final Death Star dogfight from STAR WARS by way of a humorous version of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Amy Earhart plays Stacey, the pilot of the “Pink Five” spaceship, who spends the most important battle of the revolution discussing a hook-up with Han Solo and contemplating why R2 units beep instead of talking like other robots. The effects aren’t perfect, but they’re impressive given the creators’ limited means. The silent-film homage SILENT BUT DEADLY drew lots of laughs with its story of an evil George Lucas sitting behind a Dr. Claw-style chair, sending two oafish Stormtroopers to rub out a couple of nosey webmasters, though its two less creative sequels wore out their welcome.

Lucas is an interesting figure in these films. Obviously all these creators owe him a debt; they wouldn’t have a subject matter without him. But many, like SILENT BUT DEADLY, portray him as an evil overlord, long past his creative prime, who loves to make life difficult for Star Wars fans. Some even suggest he’s made two bad movies solely to antagonize his audience. The thoughtful but flawed FALL OF A SAGA suggests we have Satan to blame for THE PHANTOM MENACE, when Lucifer himself calls in an old debt from Lucas and gains creative control of the prequel. It’s a clever premise, but the execution falls prey to excessive theatrics, not to mention poor locations – why in the world would George Lucas and The Devil have a lunch meeting in a Subway restaurant? Something tells me the real Lucas doesn’t eat fresh very often.

At least fans made those projects. Some Fanzillacon entries tested the boundaries of the term “fan film.” For instance, the con’s Friday night sneak preview included a screening of BATMAN: DEAD END, the live action short that had the Internet buzzing when it premiered a few months ago. The costumes, makeup, and lighting in this Batman versus Alien versus Predator tale are tremendously cool. But the director is a man named Sandy Collora, who has worked as a special effects artist in Hollywood for over fifteen years (his credits include THE CROW and MEN IN BLACK). He didn’t make the film under contract with Warner Brothers but he’s a movie industry professional. Calling DEAD END a fan film is like Stephen King writing a novel on his weekends off from writing another novel and calling it “a hobby.”

The unquestioned highlight of the fest was the screening of the rarely seen RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: THE ADAPTATION. It was filmed over the course of 7 Mississippi summers by three teenagers – Chris Strompolos, Eric Zala, and Jayson Lamb - too naïve to realize they couldn’t possibly achieve their goal: a shot-for-shot remake of the 1981 Steven Spielberg classic. According to Strompolos, who introduced the weekend’s screenings, the film grew from the trio’s “near obsession” with RAIDERS, a statement borne out by THE ADAPTATION’s remarkable attention to detail. Incredibly, with few exceptions (they scrapped the flying wing fistfight when it proved too dangerous to shoot) they achieved their goal and after years of passing through various hands underground, their film became a cult sensation, even drawing praise from Spielberg himself.

Though obviously amateurish, the 100-minute ADAPTATION is a delight. Each scene works in two ways: it has the action serial charm of the original film plus that rush that comes from seeing these talented kids pulling off these amazing, seemingly impossible stunts. Indy outruns the boulder (filmed in a garage, though you could never tell). He hijacks a truck carrying the ark (the truck was an engineless wreck found in the swamp; it was either pushed or pulled in every shot). He takes down the Nazis in Marion’s bar (isopropyl alcohol and water for less dangerous flames). He survives the wrath of the Ark of the Covenant (gunpowder and brillo pads for sparks). By the time Strompolos as a charismatic Indy boards a real submarine as it is diving (he corresponded with the captain for years until he finagled a permit) you’re applauding each new surprise.

It’s a truly miraculous work of art, filling the audience with its creators’ love of cinema in every single scene. The dedication that these boys had to this project – replacing actors who moved, endlessly reshooting footage that didn’t meet their high standards – and the effectiveness of the final product is enough to make anyone believe that movies are truly important. If they weren’t, something like RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: THE ADAPTATION would not be possible.

That’s what a festival like Fanzillacon should be about: loving films so much that you want to make your own to share that feeling with others. In its first year of existence, the convention’s best were the pieces like the RAIDERS adaptation and the lightsaber battle. Watching them didn’t make you want to watch more movies. They made you want to make your own. Cumbersome Darth Vader costume not required.

Con photos courtesy of The New England Garrison of The 501st Legion of Stormtroopers

Fan Film Links:

  • RYAN WIEBER VS. MICHAEL “DORKMAN” SCOTT
  • PINK FIVE
  • SILENT BUT DEADLY
  • (The Trailer From) RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: THE ADAPTATION

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  • Addicted to Bad
    by Patrick Keller

    International Intrigue
    by Alison Veneto

    Nocturnal Admissions
    by D.K. Holm

    Strange Impersonation
    by Kim Morgan

    Trailer Park
    by Christopher Stipp




    New DVD Releases
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    DVD Diatribe
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    DVD Late Show
    by Christopher Mills




    Preachin' from the Longbox
    by Britt Schramm

    Should It Be a Movie?
    by Marc Mason

    New Comic Book Releases
    for April 12, 2006, 2006




    New CD Releases
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    Music for the Masses
    by M.C. Bell




    TV Recommendations
    Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

    Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
    by Scott Bowden

    TV Pilot Review Archives
    by Chris Ryall



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