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I GOT ISSUES

By Ken Cuperus

September 25, 2002

NO CONTEST!

Believe me, this thing wasn't even close! And if you aren't aware of what the "this thing" in question is, then don't worry about it because you're either dead, or have been trapped in a well for the past several months. It's of course MARVEL's half-baked U-DECIDE event that we speak of ... A crummy contest cooked up to heighten interest in PETER DAVID's underachieving CAPTAIN MARVEL series. I can't be bothered to explain the stakes, since you've already been mercilessly bombarded with details in a grueling flurry of press releases and Internet speculation. The whole sordid affair is, of course, a giant joke, designed to increase sales on a floundering (but excellent, if you've been following it from the start) title, and launch two new hopefuls with plenty of pomp and circumstance. The key players are the aforementioned David, as well as Marvel President BILL JEMAS, and Marvel Editor-in-Chief JOE QUESADA (whose only real contribution to the contest is trying desperately to sell us on RON ZIMMERMAN, for God knows what reason). The contest will last a grueling six months (six issues of each of the new/relaunched titles), at the end of which ... (drum roll, please) ... nothing much happens. Hoo-rah! The best-selling titles will continue on, and the worst (MARVILLE, by a mile) will be taken behind the barn and shot.

Well, the first issue of each book has been released, so it is with the greatest of mild interest that I present a quick look at each book, and how they matched up during the first month of competition ...

IN THE LEAD: CAPTAIN MARVEL #1

And is anyone actually surprised? This was pretty much a given from day one, but it would have been nice to see one of the other titles at least come close. David uses his expert storytelling skills to do just that ... tell an interesting and challenging story. Let's face it, the earlier incarnation of the book was pretty darned good in the first place, and a wider audience out of the gate would have prevented this whole inane contest ... but David approaches the material with more focus than ever, making for not only the best U-Decide book in the bunch, but quite possibly the best read throughout all of Marvel's September titles. David has shuffled all the supporting characters (from the title's earlier volume) off the page, instead focusing solely on Captain Marvel, with wry commentary (in the form of narration) from nega-bandmate RICK JONES to keep us up on the action. There's very little actual dialogue between the characters, which serves to heighten the tension and reinforce the widening rift between friends. I won't spoil the story here (you really should experience it for yourselves), except to wet your whistle with the basic premise ...Captain Marvel goes insane! That's all you really need to know. And to complete the package, we get some very impressive CHRISCROSS art that seems to be a cross between traditional pencils and a painted style. The bonus cover by ALEX ROSS was nothing to shrug at either ... and just the idea that Captain Marvel will soon be donning this new costume has me eagerly awaiting David's latest epic to unfold. I can't imagine anyone who picked this book up being able resist the next issue.

A DISTANT SECOND: ULTIMATE ADVENTURES #1

The good news is that this is the best work RON ZIMMERMAN has turned in. The bad news is that comics' most infamous writer is still relying on other properties for inspiration. In this case, it's a thinly veiled Batman and Robin take-off that asks the question: What if Batman was the reckless childlike one, and Robin turned out to be the streetwise genius? A-HA! I love a good reversal. The thing that confuses me is that Quesada was promoting the book as a sweet look at a boy who becomes the sidekick of a famous hero ... yet the main character, young orphan HANK KIPPLE, is anything but sweet. He's a rude smart-ass, who has so far displayed naught a single admirable trait. Okay, he's bitter. I get it already. I found myself hoping against hopes that the muggers in the story (strangely, drawn to resemble JAY and SILENT BOB, of KEVIN SMITH fame) would shoot Hank in the face, to teach him some manners old school-style. Alas, it was not to be, as neither Hank, nor any of the other young boys in the orphanage displayed even the slightest concern when face to face with a loaded gun. Instead they made jokes. Huh? Hank basically comes across as MACAULEY CULKIN in HOME ALONE. If that's your bag, then hey, go for it. What I did enjoy was the "Bruce Wayne" character (presumably our hero HAWK-OWL, although we can't know for sure at this early stage. Zimmerman may have an interesting twist at the ready, which would actually be kinda cool if it happens) who seems to make rash decisions at the drop of a hat, much to the chagrin of his outspoken butler. In fact, Hawk-Owl and his butler share more chemistry in a couple of panels than the mean-spirited kid shares with anyone throughout the entire book. Still, Zimmerman has finally left his Hollywood name-dropping ways behind (at least for one issue) and it makes for a better read. There's some potential here, but until Hank takes that bug out of his ass, he'll continue to drag the rest of the story down. On the art side, DUNCAN FEGREDO does a nice job of moving the story along, and his characters are much nicer to look at than they are to listen to. It will be interesting to see how the story develops over the next five issues. If Zimmerman moves things away from the obvious parody route, and into something more original, this book has an outside chance at success beyond the initial six.

NEVER LEFT THE GATE: MARVILLE #1 (of 6)

Oh man! There's nothing worse than bad parody or unfunny satire, and this book manages to display countless examples of both. The only thing that keeps this book from being a sad waste of trees, is that artist MARK D. BRIGHT has turned in some of the finest work of his career. Hopefully this earns him a juicier assignment in the near future. But don't feel too bad for Bill Jemas, after all, this book was merely a foil, an elaborate prank, in the quest to find CAPTAIN MARVEL an audience. You'll notice that this is the only U-Decide book that openly acknowledges on the cover that it has no future past issue number six. I'd be very surprised, in fact, if Jemas even makes it through all six, without bringing in a ringer. The story (Ha!) merely exists as a way for Jemas to make fun of his crosstown rivals, DC Comics. (or AOL Comics in Jemas-speak) If you're looking for good (and genuinely funny) satire at DC's expense, I suggest you instead pick up Marvel MAX's HOWARD THE DUCK #4. STEVE GERBER expertly skewers the world of DC's VERTIGO line. Too bad everyone's favorite foul fowl never got the push that MARVILLE did, because it's an intelligent, funny read ... two boats that Jemas missed completely.

Don't forget kids, this is only the opening round ... so all three books could still shift drastically in quality, and/or sales in the coming months ... so stay tuned as the entire "I Got Issues" team continues its coverage of the event. And why not? It's not like we have anything better to do anyway.

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BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Artist RAGS MORALES has been turning heads (in some cases all the way around! No vomit though.) with his work in the current HAWKMAN series. In fact, DC is so impressed with the popular penciler that they have signed him to an exclusive contract to keep the MARVEL hounds at bay. And no wonder the book looks so sharp, since Morales is no rookie when it comes to doodling DC's high flyers. It was 10 years ago now that Morales cut his chops on BLACK CONDOR, a updated version of an obscure Silver Age character. The book, which was written by BRIAN AUGUSTYN, only lasted 10 issues ... but was actually a fun read, and looked beautiful to boot. Morales has honed his craft quite a bit since the Condor days, but it's still worth checking out. (Believe me, you won't have trouble finding it for a steal ... probably in the quarter bins.) Unfortunately, in the decade since, the BLACK CONDOR hasn't fared quite as well as the man who drew him ... but not for lack of exposure. He briefly joined the JUSTICE LEAGUE during the Death of Superman era, was a frequent guest star in PRIEST'S underrated ongoing THE RAY, was a member of STEVEN T. SEAGLE'S ZERO HOUR spinoff series, PRIMAL FORCE, and became a supporting character during the final years of JAMES ROBINSON's finite-milestone series, STARMAN. Yup, I said James Robinson ...who is currently co-writing (alongside GEOFF JOHNS) the new HAWKMAN series. Funny how that works, isn't it? So how long before we see a team-up between the HAWK and the CONDOR? I would be very surprised if it didn't happen sometime before the 50th issue. Surprised and disappointed. Clearly, when it comes to drawing characters with a sizable wingspan, Morales is the Man!

Still not getting a big enough dose of Morales? You could do a lot worse than tracking down his previous ongoing title, HOURMAN, written by TOM PEYER. It only lasted 25 issues, but every one of them is better than the last! Shame on everyone who ignored this the first time round, when it was one of the best-reviewed, yet lowest-selling mainstream books on the market. Seriously...shame on you!

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SUPERMAN: MAN OF STALL

It's official: DC COMICS has decided to trim the fat off the Superman line, by cutting the number of monthly titles from four to three. The victim? SUPERMAN: MAN OF STEEL, which is the shortest-running monthly on the line, as well as arguably the least interesting. MOS was essentially a team-up book, that leaned a little too heavily on the STEEL and the STEELWORKS side of the equation. The book mired itself deep into a high-tech world that was more focused on science than fiction. Superman became a supporting character in his own book, which ultimately made it the obvious choice for cancellation. Not that I have anything against long-running scribe MARK SCHULTZ, but he's more suited to something more pseudo-science oriented, like say LEGION, than DC's flagship character. Even so, I kinda wish they had changed the creative team and the focus rather than dropping a title. There was something cool and comforting about the reliability of a new Superman book landing in my hands each week, and it's a shame to lose that. Hopefully, what we're missing in quantity will be made up in quality ... something that has been slowly slipping in recent years. With the soon-to-be addition of STEVEN T. SEAGLE to the Superman family, and the recent GEOFF JOHNS fill-in issues leading up to his arrival ... it seems things are finally heading in the right direction. Still, a week without Superman (or two weeks during 5-week months, which happens quarterly) might be more than some readers can bear. Especially the "triangle-obsessed" fans who miss the conjoined feel the books once utilized to an almost stifling effect.

Then again, Super-Fans aren't necessarily going to go hungry either. Upcoming 2003 projects include WARREN ELLIS and MARK WAID both gearing up for separate year-long Superman maxi-series; LOEB and MCGUINESS' monthly Batman/Superman team-up book, WORLD'S FINEST; and the inevitable SMALLVILLE version of SUPERBOY waiting patiently somewhere just over the horizon. There may be room on the shelf for all these books, but canceling one book in order to launch several others leads us here at "I Got Issues" headquarters to wonder ... Is this gonna turn into another X-fiasco? Remember when the GRIM QUESADA swept the scythe of cancellation through MARVEL's X-titles, stating that a leaner line would be more focused and give each book its own unique vision. After the books were canned, and the dust had cleared, the X-line had been "trimmed" from about 10 monthly books to a mere 50. I guess that's what the kids are calling the new math? If you really want to tighten up the line of Super-books, then why not just stop glutting the market with endless mini-series and specials? For example, do we really need to revisit the "Death of Superman" with a four-issue weekly event? Apparently both DC and DAN JURGENS think so. I'm not sure what the point is. I mean, he came back, right? I can see the advertising slogan now ...Happy tenth anniversary, kids ... It was all a big scam! And now we're going to sell you a four-issue reminder of how easy it was to pull the wool over your eyes. I wonder if I still have my collectors-edition black armband around here somewhere. It must be worth a fortune by now!

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OH MARVEL VILLAINS, WHERE ART THOU?

Or to put it slightly more eloquently ... Yo, Bitch, where m' damn villains at? Now that Marvel seems to be shying away from traditional superheroes (not necessarily a bad thing) it seems that the threats they are facing have become less about super-villains and more about political strife in international hotspots. CAPTAIN AMERICA is too busy fighting terrorism, to bother with the likes of the SUPER ADAPTOID, or BATROC ZE LEAPER anymore; CABLE has his hands full chillin' in the third world, rather than facing off against STRYFE and, oh, I don't know, let's say BARON VON PUNCHFACE (okay, you got me...I never actually read an issue of Cable until the recent relaunch); Even Daredevil has his hands full struggling with inner angst, rather than mixing it up with his classic gallery of rogues. Not that this shift from fantasy fiction to a more "Real World" approach hasn't spawned some terrific tales, but Marvel needs to remember that their extensive library of colorful villains is just as popular as their heroes, and to slowly phase them out would be heartbreaking to many long-time fans. I know the thinking in many dark cubicles of the Marvel bullpen is that the classic villains are washed up, and no longer relevant in a (dare I say it?) post 9/11 world ... but this is simply not the case. You need look no further than DC Comics, where classic villains are making a huge comeback, thanks to some strong creative talent. GEOFF JOHNS in particular has re-invented the entire FLASH rogues gallery to the point where fans could care less if the title character even makes an appearance in his own book. The "Rogue Spotlight" issues are the most anticipated of all issues! And all he did was update them slightly to reflect a more serious, modern nature. (And no, that doesn't mean merely getting rid of their costumes and code-names ... a little bit of "Silver Age" can be a good thing, especially in an age when retro is king!) So, Marvel, rather than sweep 40-plus years of quality characters (Yes, villains are characters too, folks!) under the rug ... let's instead embrace them!

Incidentally, one current Marvel creator is striving to do just that. PAUL JENKINS has finished off his run on PETER PARKER: SPIDER-MAN, and will soon (early 2003, presumably) be relaunching SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN (or was it SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN? Who can keep up anymore?) with a plan to focus on the web-head's classic slate of villains. As a character with one of the richest casts of colorful foes in all of comics, this could be the best thing to happen to Spidey in a long time! Hopefully JENKINS will find a nice balance between updating the characters, and retaining the parts of them that made them special. The last thing we need is another "de-aged Vulture," or "Demi-Goblin" ... or even, God forbid, another AL KRAVEN. Bleh.

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Well, that's it for this week, dawgs! I'll be back soon with another gab-bag full of comic-related junk for your reading pleasure. As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome, as is your scorn ... drop me a line at the link above, and I'll do my best to respond to each and every one of you. Hey, I'm kinda like Santa Claus in that way. Except when I sneak into your house in the middle of the night, it's more than milk and cookies I'll be taking with me when I leave. 'Til next time, my children of the world ... and to all a good night!

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