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DVD LATE SHOW

By Christopher Mills

March 29, 2005

Apparently, chicks dig Satan.

Seriously. Check out this week's reviews. We've got SEVEN WOMEN FOR SATAN, SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS, and, even if ol' Scratch isn't mentioned by name, you gotta know that those SISTERS OF DEATH and the chicks of CHEERLEADER CAMP are all about the Beelzebub.

I guess it makes sense. He's got the hot pad, stylin' goatee, and that whole satyr look going for him. And you know women always go for the bad boys.

Exhibit A: SEVEN WOMEN FOR SATAN (aka LES WEEK-ENDS MALÉFIQUES DU COMTE ZAROFF, 1974), a fine sample of Gallic perversity from French director Michel Lemoine.

Boris Zaroff (director Lemoine) is a mild-mannered businessman who daydreams about hunting and killing beautiful naked women on his country estate, much like his notorious ancestor (from Richard Connell's classic short story, THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME). When a young couple arrives at his chateau one fateful weekend, the insane Count sees an opportunity to fulfill his sick, sadistic – and dare I say it? – Satanic fantasies with the aid of his manservant Karl (Eurocult fave Howard Vernon, THE AWFUL DR. ORLOFF) and the family torture chamber in the basement.

Originally banned in its native France, SEVEN WOMEN FOR SATAN is a sometimes pretentious, often absurd erotic horror film that holds the viewer's interest through its pervasive, dream-like atmosphere, erotically-charged scenes of sadism and torture, and abundant female nudity. It never makes much sense, but it's always interesting to watch.

The disc looks good, letterboxed at 1:66:1 with nice colors, and very little print damage. Much of the film was apparently shot in soft focus, so that's the way it looks. Mondo Macabro provides both an English dub and the original French language track, with optional English subtitles.

The Mondo Macabro disc also includes their usual fine extras, including an exclusive interview with director Lemoine, theatrical trailer, text features with cast and crew biographies, and another fine MM documentary on the making and history of this obscure, nearly-lost film. Once again the folks at MM have rescued an almost-forgotten Euro-horror film from obscurity and provided a high-class presentation on disc for cult movie fans. Check out their website (http://www.mondomacabrodvd.com) for other cool discs.

Everybody loves cheerleaders. Short skirts, white socks, big, bouncing pom poms… what's not to like? Even the Prince of Darkness isn't immune to their sexy-but-innocent charms. Witness SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS (1977), a choice slice of Seventies drive-in cheese, wherein a cast of young nubile pep squaders bring it on for the horned one, while sharing screen time with down-on-their-luck Hollywood veterans John Ireland, Yvonne DeCarlo and John Carradine.

The movie starts out like any other Carter-era teen comedy, with the wanton, wisecracking cheerleaders fraternizing with the dumb jock football players and trading witty repartee (and water balloons) with the rival school's pep squad. The rest of the ingredients are there, too: the ambitious football coach, the steamy locker room shower scene, the naïve ladies' gym teacher, and the stock-issue leering, creepy janitor.

But, see… this creepy janitor's part of a small town Satanic cult. He's had it with all the teenage titillation, teasing and taunting, and by damn, those tramps are gonna pay!

SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS, directed and co-written by Greydon Clark, and shot by future Academy Award nominee/A-list cinematographer Dean Cundey (HALLOWEEN, BACK TO THE FUTURE, JURASSIC PARK) is a goofy, campy (deliberately so) drive-in delight, that despite its exploitive title and subject matter, is surprisingly good natured. Everyone involved seems to have been having a good time (except perhaps, Carradine, relegated to another of his trademarked "crazy old man" cameos), there's virtually no onscreen violence, and only a little nudity.

Now, that may sound like a negative for a movie like this, and if you go into it expecting lots of gore and gratuitous breastage, you're going to be disappointed. What the flick does have, however, is a genuine sense of humor and an offbeat charm. All the girls are appealing and sexy, and you won't help laughing at the jokes and lame innuendoes.

VCI's presentation of SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS is just adequate, with a grainy full-frame transfer littered with dirt and scratches. Nothing that distracts too seriously from the film, but it's far from a reference quality transfer. The mono sound is clear, but that's it. The only extras on the disc are a trailer for the movie (but I'm betting it's not the theatrical one – it looks like it was cut together for video) and another for the 1977 Piper Laurie thriller RUBY. The packaging also claims that the movie is rated R, but I'm betting it was originally PG.

But regardless of the lackluster presentation, I liked it a lot and recommend it highly. It's a fun B-movie, well worth checking out.

And we're not through with those bouncy pom pom girls yet.

CHEERLEADER CAMP (1987 – also known as BLOODY POM POMS) may not have Satan in the title or in the script, but it's got Leif Garret in the cast, and that's close enough for me.

I shouldn't have to summarize the plot. The title is CHEERLEADER CAMP and it's a slasher/bodycount film. Needless to say, there's lots of hot chicks in – and out of – cheerleader outfits (including future porn star Tieri Weigel and Penthouse Pet Krista Pflanzer), a bunch of graphic murder scenes, the always-welcome Buck Flower cameo, sophomoric teen comedy-styled humor, and Leif Garret rapping. Oh yeah. Let me repeat that: Leif Garret rapping.

Don't tell me Satan had nothing to do with this flick.

Actually, I found this to be a pretty entertaining movie – briskly paced and fun to watch. Betsy Russell (AVENGING ANGEL) is an appealing and attractive heroine and the story has a few interesting twists and turns. Add in gobs of goofy dialogue ("I think we'd be better off if she thought more about the team and less about getting honey on her muffin!") and smokin' chicks in short skirts, and it makes the whole thing more than worth picking up.

Anchor Bay provides their usual fine widescreen transfer, anamorphically enhanced and culled from a nearly pristine source. The flick looks great. They've also included an audio commentary track with producer/director John Quinn and producer Jeff Prettyman, which is interesting and entertaining in its own right. Fortunately, these guys have a pretty fair understanding of what kind of movie they've made, and a sense of humor to go with it. The disc also features theatrical trailers (under both titles), the BLOODY POM POMS alternate title sequence, behind the scenes photos, and a poster & still gallery.

If you're a fan of Eighties slashers with a sense of humor, CHEERLEADER CAMP is a good bet for an evening's rental or as a solid addition to your collection.

Joseph Mazzuca's SISTERS OF DEATH (1978 – although it was reportedly shot as early as 1972), also has no direct ties with Lucifer – on screen, anyway – but it does include a vaguely Satanic ritual scene and a cast of attractive young ladies, led by the stunning B-movie starlet Claudia Jennings (GATOR BAIT, TRUCK STOP WOMEN). Jennings was a former Playmate who forged a brief but memorable career in B-movies before her tragic, accidental death in 1979 at age 29. A strikingly beautiful woman and a talented actress, Jennings had the potential to break through to the big time, but she never got her chance.

The film opens with a ritualistic sorority initiation where a new pledge is accidentally shot in the head. Seven years later, the other girls who attended the ceremony each receive an invitation to a "Sisters" reunion. Ambitious Judy (Jennings) is suspicious, but, along with the four other survivors, decides to attend. Upon reaching the hotel, the group is picked up by two young men (Paul Carr and Joe Tata) who have been hired, by a man they've never met, to chauffeur the girls to an isolated desert mansion.

Of course, this is a horror movie, so the girls (and the two horny guys, who despite their orders, decide to hang out with the Sisters and party) soon find themselves imprisoned by an electrified fence, and at the mercy of a creepy old man who stalks the house through secret passages, spying on them. Who is the creepy old man, what is his connection to the Sisters, and why does he seem to want them dead?

Well, it's not much of a mystery… or a movie, for that matter. While all the girls are attractive and play their roles well enough, the film tends to drag for long stretches with nothing much happening on screen. If you can manage to stick it through until the end, the filmmakers do manage to throw in a couple of cool last minute twists, but ultimately, it's a pretty dreary affair, lacking in suspense or titillation. To further undermine the film's effectiveness, it's shot in that style-less ugly Seventies manner. Combined with the hokey score, the result feels like a cheap made-for-TV movie.

VCI has brought this home-video staple to DVD as half of their first "Scream Theater Double Feature" disc in their new, budget-priced Cinema Pops line. While certainly watchable, their transfer is a soft, full-frame affair, apparently culled from a VHS source. I suspect the flick was intended to be cropped for theatrical presentations, as boom mikes dip into the frame on several occasions. Minor print damage and dirt litters the entire print, but there are no obvious jump-cuts or bad splices.

As mentioned above, SISTERS OF DEATH is just half of a double feature disc. Its companion film, SCREAM BLOODY MURDER (1973) is a decidedly unpleasant affair, directed by Marc B. Ray.

The movie begins when an unhinged tyke named Matthew causes his father's death with some heavy farm equipment (in which the kid loses a hand) and is institutionalized for the next nineteen years. Upon his release and return to the family farm, the now hook-handed, adult nutjob (Fred Holbert) promptly murders his mother and her new husband. Then things really get nasty. Haunted by hallucinations of his dead mother and stepfather, he travels to the city (committing two more murders en route), where he meets an artistically-inclined hooker. Trying to win her maternal approval (he's mentally confusing her with his mom, of course), he kills off her johns, steals money for her, and eventually murders the owner of a mansion, so he can live there with her. It all pretty much unravels at the end… not that it was woven too tightly in the first place.

This is one sick flick. Essentially a serial killer film without suspense, SCREAM BLOODY MURDER hurtles from one bloody death scene to the next without too much thought given to character or backstory. Matthew clearly has a major Oedipal Complex going for him, but there's no explanation given why. He has a hook, yet kills by strangling people, hitting them with rocks, and using an axe – makes you wonder why they gave him a hook in the first place. Even gorehounds will be let down by the abundant bloodletting, as the effects are primitive, unimaginative and seem to be trimmed.

Some people think pretty highly of this film. I'm not one of them.

Like its companion feature, SCREAM BLOODY MURDER is a full-frame transfer from a soft, dirty source, probably a VHS master. The picture is dark and grainy, and there are occasional jump-cuts during the murder scenes, indicating, as I mentioned above, that the print has been trimmed of some of its gore. The only extra on the disc is a video preview of upcoming Cinema Pops titles – a truly mixed bag of obscurities, including the Sondra Locke vehicle DEATH GAME and a Jack London wilderness adventure starring Ron Ely.

Neither film on this VCI/Cinema Pops double feature disc looks all that great, but you can't beat the price – the Cinema Pops line retails for around five bucks a disc.

Finally, we come to a movie with no cheerleaders, devil worship, serial killers or Leif Garret. But it does have strippers.

Director Brett Piper's second movie for EI Independent Cinema's Shock-O-Rama label is BITE ME! (2004), and while it's not as good as his previous flick for the studio (THE SCREAMING DEAD, covered in my last column – check out the archives.), it's got its moments.

Essentially a monster movie comedy, BITE ME! begins when a crate of bio-engineered marijuana gets misdirected to a cut-rate strip joint after a drug deal goes wrong. The crate also contains a bunch of mutant spiders, which get loose in the club, prompting the owner to call in an exterminator (played by Rob Monkiewicz, Piper's regular Bruce Campbell-wannabe goofball hero). Before long, the whole thing has become a screwball farce, with strippers, an insane DEA agent, and a few other random characters running around being chased by cheesy CGI bugs.

I normally like Brett Piper's films, but this one was a bit of a letdown. For one thing, I've always admired Piper's use of classic special effects techniques in his low budget films, particularly his stop-motion animation, but, while there's some of that in here and it's welcome, most of the spider effects are executed with decidedly shoddy CGI. The performances are broad, campy and badly underwritten, with even the usually likeable Misty Mundae coming off poorly.

However, as I said before, the movie does have its moments. Piper is a good director, and the flick is briskly paced and well edited. The cast includes several of EI's trademark naked starlets, including Julian Wells and Caitlin Ross, and some of the jokes work. For girl watching, it might be worth an undemanding evening's rental, but if you're looking for giant spider mayhem, I'd suggest picking up the similarly themed ARACHNIA (2003, MTI Video), instead. Also written/directed by Piper and starring Monkiewicz, it's a delightful homage to 50's giant monster movies like THE BLACK SCORPION (1957) and THEM! (1954) and a lot better than BITE ME!

EI's DVD of BITE ME! Is a full-frame video transfer, crystal sharp and clear. The usual generous EI extras include several documentaries on the making and selling of the film, another Misty Mundae personality featurette, a music video (also featuring Mundae), and the usual slew of Seduction Cinema and Shock-O-Rama trailers.

So… Satan digs cheerleaders, spiders dig strippers, and me, I just dig watching them all do their thing. Next time, we'll hop over to Tokyo and see what sort of havoc Japanese stuntmen in heavy rubber suits can wreak on miniature skyscrapers, with a look at the best (and worst) giant monster smackdowns to hit digital disc. See you then.