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DVD LATE SHOW

By Christopher Mills

May 17, 2005

"When women go wrong, men go right after them." – Mae West

Girls with guns and dangerous dames. For some of us, there's something very appealing about the concept of bad girls; hot, horny babes who can hold their own against men in the violence department – preferably while scantily clad. From delicious Dirty Harriets dealing justice from the barrel of a heavy caliber handgun to fetching felons wrestling in the middle of a muddy Filipino prison yard, bad girls can provide a very good time, indeed.

Filmmakers around the world know the entertainment value of a deadly damsel. In fact, to support my statement, I'd like to enter into evidence a fistful of fatal femme flicks from Japan, Indonesia, and the good ol' USA.

WARNING: By necessity, some of the following screenshots contain nudity. (Well, it wasn't strictly necessary, I just thought you'd appreciate it.)

To begin with, anime and Asian cinema specialists, ADV Films, have two such discs in their catalog, sharing the not-so subtle sobriquet of GUN CRAZY. These are a couple of short feature films, each clocking in at around 70 minutes, both by the same director, and both prefaced with the phrase: "This is a fable of a woman with guns."

I suspect that the series is based on a manga, but I'm not sure.

In GUN CRAZY: A WOMAN FROM NOWHERE (2002), an attractive young woman (Ryoko Yonekura) rides her motorcycle into a small Japanese town run by a ruthless, white-clad crime boss who figures somehow in her tragic past. Once there, she recruits a few terrified residents – including the local burnt-out alcoholic sheriff – into helping her get her revenge. The whole film is an overt pastiche of Spaghetti Westerns, right down to the crudely animated title sequence and the Morricone-flavored score, and it's great.

The plot holds very few surprises, especially to fans of Sergio Leone or Sergio Corbucci, but Atsushi Muroga's direction is fast-paced and effective, managing to evoke the feel of his Italian inspirations more successfully than Robert Rodriguez in his own pasta pastiches.

ADV's disc is a pretty basic affair, with a sharp, pristine transfer, an English 5.1 soundtrack, Japanese 2.0 track, optional English subtitles, an on-camera interview with star Ryoko Yonekura, and previews for a half-dozen other live-action ADV releases.

In the second entry in the series, GUN CRAZY: BEYOND THE LAW (2002), a pretty, idealistic young lawyer (Rei Kikukawa), disillusioned by the corruption she discovers in the Japanese legal system, asks a hardboiled, professional hitman to train her to take justice into her own hands. She takes to the way of the gun with surprising skill and enthusiasm, and soon becomes his partner in taking over the local mobs. All goes well until he finally asks her to cross a line she isn't prepared to cross.

Again, what the story lacks in originality is made up for in smooth direction (once again by Muroga), and a very solid performance by the appealing Ms. Kikukawa. As with the first disc, ADV provides an English dub and the original Japanese language tracks, an on-camera interview with the lead actress, and six trailers for other ADV titles.

Personally, the familiarity of the stories didn't bother me – I watch a lot of crime movies and read a lot in the genre, so I know how difficult it is to come up with something completely fresh. Both films are short, moderately stylish, well performed and ultimately satisfying.

What more could you ask for? Well, if there's any more in the series, I could ask for those, I suppose…

Staying in the Far East, we have LADY TERMINATOR (1988, PEMBALASAN RATU PANTAI SELATAN), a deliriously enjoyable exploitation classic from Indonesian director H. Tjut Djalil, here credited under the slightly more "American" moniker of "Jalil Jackson."

Shot in Jakarta, in English, with a primarily Western cast, LADY TERMINATOR takes an ancient Indonesian legend about a sexually rapacious Asian goddess, "The South Seas Witch," and grafts it onto an almost-note-for-note, scene-for-scene, utterly shameless rip-off of James Cameron's original TERMINATOR.

An attractive American archeology student with big Eighties hair (brunette babe Barbara Anne Constable), goes skin diving among the ruins of the South Seas Witch's underwater castle, where she is possessed (by means of some very, very naughty eels) by the Witch's vengeful spirit. She emerges from the sea naked, and sets out on a rampage of sex and slaughter. As the poster copy so concisely puts it: "She mates… then she terminates."

It turns out the South Seas Witch has a grudge against a local pop star, and sends our leather-loving Lady T to eliminate the dark-haired diva… but not until after we've endured an MTV-by-way-of-Indonesia music video, and discovered that bad hair and fashions were just as prevalent in Jakarta in '87 as they were here in the States. Fortunately, just as the relentless terminatrix is about to pop a cap in her target's ass at a nightclub, a beach-blond good guy cop turns up to take the singer under his protection, even uttering the famous "Come with me if you want to live," line.

The highlight of the film – very much like in Cameron's original – is a gleefully violent assault on a police station, with Lady T wielding a miraculous AK-47 that never runs out of ammo. But, really, there's just so much in this film to love: over-the top car chases, extraordinarily banal dialogue, gratuitous gore, gratuitous nudity, exploding helicopters, self-administered ocular surgery, a cop with a huge mullet, last reel laser-firing eyeballs, and the ever-popular multiple castrations by vaginal eel.

Yeah, you read that right. But, please, just to be sure no one missed it, allow me to repeat myself: multiple castrations by vaginal eel.

God, I love this movie.

This sparkling nugget of B-movie gold comes to us through the generosity of those maniacs at Mondo Macabro, who lovingly provide LADY TERMINATOR with a gorgeous, all-new anamorphic widescreen transfer, a fascinating documentary on Indonesian exploitation cinema, production notes, filmographies, alternate scenes, a theatrical trailer, and previews of other MM releases. It's a great disc, and an essential addition to any self-respecting exploitation movie fan's library.

Mondo Macabro also offers the similar DANGEROUS SEDUCTRESS (1992), from the director of LADY TERMINATOR, H. Tjut Djalil (here going by the alias of "John Miller.").

Like LADY TERMINATOR, SEDUCTRESS was shot in English with a predominantly Caucasian cast, with the clear intention of coming up with something that would play well internationally. Also like LADY TERMINATOR, the flick features hot babes (Tonya Offer, Amy Weber) dealing death and destruction all over Southeast Asia.

The plot is something about an evil witch who returns from the dead and possesses an American blonde, who she then sends on a murder spree to sate her unexplained blood lust. The action scenes are way over the top, the special effects are an odd mix of highly effective and completely laughable, the theme song is hilarious, and the nudity is copious. It's not quite as much fun as LADY TERMINATOR, but it's got its own charm.

The anamorphic widescreen transfer is clean, if ever-so-slightly soft, and the sound is clear and sharp. As usual, the disc has some great extras: a special effects featurette and commentary focusing on L.A. effects artist Steve Prouty, who tells some interesting stories about working with the Indonesian filmmakers; an interview with director Djalil; on screen liner notes and filmographies; and a documentary on Indonesian horror and genre films. It's a fine package, and the movie makes a perfect companion to the earlier film.

From the Far East to the American Southwest…

Something Weird has recently released two Harry Novak Seventies' sexploitation sagas, SWEET GEORGIA (1972) and COUNTRY HOOKER (1970) on a double feature disc. These drive-in classics are chock full of cornfed honeys, hulking farmboys and some of the sleaziest storylines imaginable.

SWEET GEORGIA (Marsha Jordan) is an insatiable farmer's wife who will screw around with just about anybody available, from ugly farmhands to her brother-in-law ("Just shut up and lay me!"), to her own sexy stepdaughter, Virginia (who first appears in the movie riding her horse "bareback," if you get my meaning. Wink, wink, nudge nudge). Of course, all this infidelity ends badly for Georgia, with a climactic bloodbath that I'm certain had the drive-in audiences of the time shaking their heads in disbelief.

Marsha Jordan was a middle-aged blonde with a great body and a lot of charisma, who had a long and successful career in the skinflick genre. Her Georgia is a carnal carnivore, and gives the otherwise lackluster movie whatever energy it possesses. Barbara Caron, as her stepdaughter Virginia, is an appealing young sexpot, and their lesbian seduction scene beside the campfire is well worth the price of the disc.

COUNTRY HOOKER actually features two rural prostitutes played by sexy Sandy Dempsey and the legendary Seventies porn starlet Rene Bond. Bond was a fantastic performer in both hard- and soft-core sex features, with a cherubic face, auburn hair, and buxom, hourglass figure (she was one of the first in the business to get a boob job, paid for by producer Novak). She wasn't a bad actress, either.

In HOOKER, a couple of Country musicians named Dave and Billy are on their way to a gig at a small-town bar, when they pick up a couple of sexy hitchhikers, Jen and Sue (Dempsey and Bond, respectively). Finding their hormones raging (and who could blame them?), they decide to pull over for a little bangin' in the bushes. Eventually, they make it to the bar and discover that owner of the desert dive is also the girls' pimp. He's not happy about his girls giving it away for free, so he drags Jen out to the desert and rapes and kills her. Now it's up to Sue, Dave and Billy to get revenge and put an end to the sleazy bastard's operation.

Lots of near hard-core sex, bad country music and some very politically incorrect scenes make COUNTRY HOOKER an interesting diversion.

Something Weird's disc is up to their usual high standards, with full-frame transfers culled from producer Novak's own original negatives. The disc is also loaded with the usual SW extras: trailers for eight of Marsha Jordan's other soft-core skinflicks, trailers for SWEET GEORGIA and COUNTRY HOOKER, two "short subjects" featuring Jordan and Bond, and a gallery of exploitation art from the films of producer Harry Novak.

For fans of vintage drive-in smut, it's a decent package with some very attractive (and very naked) women, and worth picking up.

Now, there's nothing more subjective than comedy, and just because I found EI Independent Cinema's upcoming release PRISON-A-GO-GO (2005) to be an excruciatingly painful experience, it's possible that others might find this flick – an attempt at an AIRPLANE-styled spoof of "chicks in chains" movies like THE BIG BIRDCAGE (1972) and CAGED HEAT (1974) – hysterically funny.

It's possible. After all, some people actually find Rob Schneider movies funny, if you can believe it.

PRISON A-GO-GO stars former USA UP ALL NIGHT hostess Rhonda Shear and cult film icon Mary Woronov (in what amounts to an extended cameo, really), in a disjointed, labored parody of women's prison flicks. Director Barak Epstein manages to throw just about every cliché of the genre into the mix, along with an endless barrage of lowbrow gags (like the inmate with an endless supply of contraband items stuffed up her colon) and bizarre non sequiturs (mad scientists, ninjas, zombies), in a sad, desperate attempt to derive a laugh from his audience.

But the jokes fall flat, the pacing is leaden, and even the normally-excellent Woronov looks like she shot her scenes in one afternoon without even looking at the script.

In the interest of full disclosure, I admit that I did find one bit funny: at the end of the flick's first gratuitous shower scene (and really, is there any better kind?), a small clock appeared in the lower right hand corner of the screen with a countdown to the next shower scene. It's a cute gag, and if the filmmakers had come up with a few more ideas like this… well, there are a fair number of bare breasts on display here, and that's gotta count for something, right?

EI Independent Cinema's DVD (inexplicably labeled as part of their Shock-O-Rama horror line – maybe they know this isn't funny, too?) provides a solid widescreen transfer and over an hour of bonus material, including an interview with director Epstein, a behind-the scenes featurette, actors' audition tapes, and trailers.

So that takes care of the bad girls for now. Whether rampaging through an Indonesian police station with a blazing AK-47 or getting down and dangerous on the farm, there's no doubt that the female of the species is, by far, deadlier than the male.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Next time, I dive into the towering pile of horror DVDs that I've got on my review shelf – everything from classic 70's drive in cheese to the latest direct-to-DVD fear fests. We're talking a wide range of scare cinema – good, bad and ugly – and I'm betting there's going to be something in the next column for just about everyone.

See you then.