By Britt Schramm
November 25, 2004
Welcome to a special Thanksgiving edition of PftL. I hope that everyone has arrived where they needed to be and are enjoying today’s festivities. But for me, I’m not gonna be so lucky this year.
Ya see, for the last six years, Thanksgiving has always been a double-edged sword. Being able to set aside some time during the holiday to watch two NFL football games on the TV is great. Particularly when one game involves my favorite NFC team, the Detroit Lions, a team which in recent years has sucked ass but they always seems to turn in a good performance during the early game on Turkey Day. Man, I wish that all holidays were like this one.
And living in the Metropolitan Washington DC area, watching the Dallas game is always interesting especially when The Redskins are involved. The wife and her family are huge Skins fans and seeing their beloved team implode against their arch rivals is an intoxicating mix of humor and pathos. Believe me you have to be there to experience it.
Unfortunately, since this year the Sons of DC are spared the ignominy of playing and probably losing to the men with stars upon thars, I’m gonna have to deal with the bummer side of the holiday. And no, it’s not waking up with a triptophan hangover at 9 o’clock at night. Really, that’s something that I actually look forward to having. In reality, the lump that growing in the pit of my stomach is that I have to go to my mother-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I out-and-out hate my mother-in-law. Overall, she’s a good person and her intentions usually mean well. But there’s a tradition that she insists to uphold whenever we have Thanksgiving dinner at her house that drives me insane. Once the food is in place and everyone has been seated at the table, we are required to take turns and express our one thing that that happened during the year that we have to be thankful for before we begin eating.
Again, the intention is nice but it doesn’t stop there. After one person says their piece, she sometimes comes back with either another question about that thing or tells them that they should add another thing that she has thought of. Kinda like being on the witness stand giving testimony in a trial and she’s the prosecuting attorney trying to redirect you or leading you down a different path than you planned. Just on this side of being annoying; almost to the point of frustration. Not to mention the fact that everyone is either starving (me) or bored (me again) and wants to get this public display over with as soon as possible.
This year, I do have many things to be thankful for. A beautiful and supportive wife and a healthy 19-month-old son with another on the way in May 2005 (And no, she did not have to write that for me.) But being the smart ass that I am, my initial impulse is to say something about comics just so I can see the reaction on my mother-in-law’s face. But knowing what I know, the next thing that would happen would be the mind-numbing pain that my shin would receive from the wife with what is commonly referred to in my household as the Vinatieri. Ouch, I think that my leg just shuddered.
So, since I can’t use any sort of comic book reference in my required thankfulness proclamation and to avoid as much physical pain as possible, I have decided to graciously give you, my lucky readers, all of my comic book thanks that I’ve built up throughout the year. I know, I know, not everybody can be this lucky. Just read on, McGirt.
PftL’s Thanks List for 2004:
Marvel – For their complete and utter lack of dignity when whoring out their licensed characters just so they can pimp out such lame products like a foam-muscled Captain America adult costume, silly laser coins, and the entire concept of Super Lithos. I’m all for expanding the reach of comics in the workplace but as reader Steven Getman wrote me back in July of this year that the idea of using Magneto, who has been recently portrayed as a mass murdering terrorist, as a motivational figure is somewhat questionable.
(On a side note, I fact checked a random site, hollywoodcostumesandparty.com, on the Captain America costume and I came away with three things. First of all, the actual name of the costume is Deluxe Muscle Captain America. I guess just the regular muscle getup didn’t have enough bulging He-Man sized muscles. Second, the friggin’ thing costs $80 which should be a crime in any state for looking that goofy. And strangely third, for whatever reason, the costume is sold out. I guess the lesson of the story is to never underestimate the intelligence of the buying fanboys.)
Green Lantern editors – For bringing Hal Jordan back (if for nothing else other than to shut up the whinny members of H.E.A.T.)
Cons in the US and abroad – The growth of them is a great sign, even if the big daddy of them all is moving away for the true comic aspects of a convention and is becoming more of a self-serving vehicle for movie stars on their descent to plug their lame superhero movies. (Yes, Halle Berry, I’m talking to you.) At least, there seems to be more people interested in attending these things. Unless it is only to go to gawk at the disturbing display of people who shouldn’t be in spandex costumes. Then that’s just sad. Funny but sad.
Brad Metzler and Rags Morales – For creating the book of the year in IDENTITY CRISIS. Still waiting for the last issue and I’m still as confused as I was after reading the first issue. I know that I’m gonna have to re-read the whole series to see what clues that I was missing. Yes, I’m that slow. ** Spoiler Alert – To tell you the truth, I didn’t realize that the little professor guy had it in him to do that. **
Joss Whedon and John Cassaday – For putting back the fun in dysfunctional (relationships that is) with ASTONISHING X-MEN. Oh, and for bringing back a certain organic metal Russian and using the old Fastball Special gag with Wolverine within the first full issue of his return.
Peter Milligan and Mike Allred – For sticking it out with all of the editorial changes on X-FORCE/X-STATIX and for going out with a bang, not a whimper.
Peter David – For finally showing that his version of CAPTAIN MARVEL was truly the victor in the whole U-DECIDE promotion. (Too bad, Mr. Jemas who concocted the whole spectacle wasn’t around to see the end.)
DC – For making me realize that I hate three month crossovers that do nothing other than kill some superfluous characters and make people wonder why they wasting their money on them. Bravo.
Image – For reprinting THE PRO in an oversized hardcover format. Although I'm not sure why Image decided to make page size and bindings similar to that of the all-ages gem LEAVE IT TO CHANCE? Hopefully, it won't confuse some non-comic book parent who picks it up for their little Cooper or Chloe. The whole format thing just seems somewhat odd to me.
Brian Michael Bendis and Robert Kirkman – For putting out such enjoyable titles like POWERS, INVINCIBLE, THE PULSE, THE WALKING DEAD, and DAREDEVIL so that we can overlook some stinkers like AVENGERS: DISASSEMBLED and all of the MARVEL 2099 books.
Small Press imprints – For producing such a diversified line of books like OWLY, HENCH, LOVE FIGHTS, BAREFOOT SERPENT, SCOTT PILGRIM, 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, SPAGHETTI WESTERN, TEMPORARY and the critical darling of this year’s small press scene (and deservedly so), BLANKETS. While the financial plight of the industry as a whole is being openly questioned (me being one of those alarmists), I can’t remember the last time when the small press books have brought so many good books. If this keeps up, maybe the capes won’t have to be in the forefront of the American consumers’ collective mind.
Sam Raimi and Brad Bird – For showing how good superhero movies (SPIDER-MAN 2 and THE INCREDIBLES) should be done. And the less that is said about CATWOMAN, the better.
Warner Brothers – For releasing a BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES Season 1 Box Set as well as an IRON GIANT Special Edition. But they could’ve at least released them before I had already bought the single DVDs.
Good Old MPS – For giving me the opportunity to be around some truly good and diverse columnists and to allow my inner grumpy voice a chance to yell at the comic book world. (And for permitting me to torture my editor with columns that include non-related sports references on a website that really have any relation to sports in the slightest. Thanks for indulging me, Chris.)
The Boston Red Sox – For finally winning it all after going to the brink in ’86 only to tragically fail and for shutting the Yankees’ fans yaps with the whole 1918 chant with the biggest comeback in all of sports history. (C’mon, you really thought that I would go the whole columns without one last shout-out to my boys from Beantown for at last getting it done in the World Series and for making 2004 something to really remember. You guys don’t know me all that well, do you? As an officially licensed MLB t-shirt which I will be receiving very soon says, "Now, I can die in peace!")
That’s all for now. See you in December. And don’t forget to keep your boards and bags together and keep your continuity straight.
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