By Britt Schramm
November 24, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving, ya buncha turkeys! (And I mean that lovingly.)
This time of year always think of three things – NFL football on a Thursday, a big meal that will ensure leftovers for weeks and mental/physical abuse. The first two are what almost everyone in America experience but the last one? Well, you would know if you read last year’s column. But since it is a day of Thanks, I’ll be the ever-generous host and give y’all a Reader’s Digest version:
I usually have Thanksgiving with my loving nuclear family, my parents, my brother and my mother-in-law. Every year, it never fails that we have to go around the table before eating to give one thing to be thankful for. However, if it is not to what she deems acceptable, you have to come up with another one.
So while the food is getting as frigid as Gretchen Bonaduce, my whole family is trying to think of something that will fit her requirements. Being the smart ass that I am, I’ll try to throw in a comic book reference when she’s not expecting it. But after a couple of years of receiving kicks to the shins under the table from the wife, I no longer have that urge to be a smart ass at that time.
But since I have this column, I’ll just let all of my comic book obsessiveness hang out and give out some “Thanks” to the some of the people in (and out of) the four color spinner rack.
So, with that out of the way, let’s begin.
Thanks To…
Top Shelf - for putting out this year's best OGN trifecta of Tricked, King, and Spiralbound within two weeks of each other. But, Mr. Chris Starros and Mr. Andy Runton, I've got a question for ya. Where’s the third Owly book?
NCSoft - for not only producing a great MMORPG like City of Heroes that made the suits at Marvel take notice but for giving out a "bootleg" edition of the game at cons and stores for a free 21-day trial to get cheap people like me a chance to get hooked right before the follow-up City of Villains (http://www.cityofvillains.com) dropped in stores earlier this month. Bastards, like I have any free time as it is.
Jessica Alba - for starring in two comic book movies (Sin City & Fantastic Four) and for keeping our agreement that she'll be the future Mrs. Schramm a secret (Oops, I didn't mean for that to slip out. Just ignore that last comment, people).
DC & Marvel - for driving home the fact that their two new imprints (All-Star & Ultimate) are leagues better than their current continuity-convoluted ones; no matter how many company-wide crossovers that are forced down the readers' (or "consumers" depending on who pays your bills) collective throats.
Keith Giffen & JM DeMatteis - for using the Aerosmith song Don't Get Mad (Get Even) as their theme song by proving that when a company takes away your signature title (Formerly Known as the Justice League), just take your show on the road (Defenders for Marvel and Hero Squared for Boom Studios).
Video Game Designers - for finally showing some love to the cape and tights set and creating some quality superhero games like Spider-Man 2, Batman Begins, X-Men: Legends, and Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction. Now, I can finally stop ranting about the stink that was Batman: Dark Tomorrow.
Christopher Nolan & David S. Goyer - for bringing the Dark Knight back from the abyss that is the Shumaker’s “Campiness over Substance” methodology and reinvigorating it with a new grounded sense of self with the theatrical release of Batman Begins. (Although it would be nice to go through one whole Batman movie without having a clueless chick find out who Batman is. I mean, it worked for both the Spider-Man and Superman flicks, why can't it work for the World's Greatest Detective? That's all I'm asking for, please.)
Allen Heinberg & Jim Cheung - for creating Young Avengers and thus giving readers like me alternatives in the Marvel Universe other than a band of merry mutants with extinction agendas on the brains and down-on-their-luck superheroes with ancient arachnid avatars.
Joe Quesada - for finally getting around to publishing the third issue of his Daredevil: Father. Ya know, the six-issue mini-series that originally started at the beginning of the year. Yeah, that one. And for only delaying concurrent NYX issues for six months. Way to go, man.
Gotham Central, Bloodhound, District X, Richard Dragon, Fallen Angel - for trying, in vain, to get some non-superhero centric titles accepted in both DC & Marvel proper. (And here's to IDW who picked up Fallen Angel and gave it a home.)
Research In Motion - for allowing me to type up most of this “Thanks” list on my BlackBerry during entire day business meetings. Yeah, like I'm the only one that does that kinda stuff.
Bryan Singer - for knowing what a "teaser" trailer is and how to use it - crying fanboys be damned.
Wizard World Convention Organizers - for trying to schedule a sixth Wizard World convention (this one in Atlanta) on the same weekend as the Heroes Con in Charlotte was already scheduled to be held. For that act of total money-grubbing selfishness, I would like to give the fine people at WWCO the PftL's "Terrell Owens Comic Book Cancer of the Year" award for conduct detrimental to the comic book community. One good thing to say about Wizard – they’ve never questioned the toughness of their quarterback, Gareb Shamus. At least, not in public.
John Byrne - for his uncontrolled bouts of paranoia coupled with his unfiltered (and sometimes asinine) opinions that somehow make covering the world of comic books all the more interesting.
Tim McCarver, Rick Majerus, and Billy Packer - for reminding me that watching sports is just as pleasurable with the mute button on. The old adage works here – Silence is golden – especially from those blowhards.
Michael Turner, Jim Lee and Alex Ross - for making their comic book covers so pretty that companies are forced to make all of those variants for us lemmings to buy. And before you have a chance to ask, I do include myself as one of the lemmings; thank you very much.
Tara Reid - for being the easiest person to be both picked on (by the media) and picked up (have seen her E! Show, Taradise?). Plus, for finally admitting what everyone who has Internet access already knew - that she had a boob job (If I see one more picture of her Frankenstein boobies, I think that they would get a development deal with FOX to replace The Simple Life.)
My Editor-In-Chief and the MPS website - for once again allowing me to work with so many talented people while trying to cover up the obvious fact that I'm just a talentless hack. For giving me a forum to express my views and opinions about all types of comics happenings while throwing in as many pop-culture references allowed by internet law and for every once in awhile, knowing enough to stand back and let me make an ass of myself. Here's to another year, everybody.
You guys (and I mean that in a non-gender specific way), my readers - for everything that you do. Whether it's sending an email, posting something about the column on the 'Shoot board, or just basically reading the column, your responses have made me run the gambit of emotions. Ya know, whenever I write a column, I think to myself that no one will read it. But, I'm pleasantly proven wrong every time. Really, I appreciate it all. You guys are the best.
And my wife, Teresa - for tolerating me with my time-consuming and non-paying hobby that I’ve acquired. I’m sure most women would not put up with a guy like me taking time away during the weekends and family functions to write slightly pedestrian junk for three different websites. Now drop into the mix taking care of an ever-growing and active boy as well as a very attentive baby girl. Now you realize that the woman deserves some sort of sainthood or, at the very least, a medal. But this woman, who actually loves being called my wife, gives me so much support and reassurance about my writing skills when I sometimes doubt it myself while at the same time ignoring my highly delusional attempts at electronically flirting with Jessica Alba. Baby, all that you do means more to me than anyone can ever imagine. So thanks, T-Bird, for always being there.
Lastly, I would like to give a special “Thanks” in memoriam to the following people: Will Eisner, Johnny Carson, Ossie Davis, Hunter S. Thompson, Mitch Hedberg, Dale Messick, Eddie Albert, Paul Winchell, Luther Vandross, Hank Stram, James Doohan, Pat McCormick, Peter Jennings, Gene Mauch, Brock Peters, Chief Justice William Rehnquist, Bob Denver, Chris Schenkel, Don Adams, Nipsey Russell, Charles Rocket, Jason Collier, Rosa Parks, Wellington Mara, and Eddie Guerero.
