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July 25, 2005

COMICS 101 is in Session

Paul J. writes: I'm an academic. I study philosophy and literature and theater. By necessity that means that I study history as well. I've learned a few things from history and one of them is that posterity is the final judge of whether or not something was a "good idea" or a "bad idea". One of the most interesting things about comics is the fact that, within the worlds themselves, history is living thing. Every moment that a comics writer or artist publishes in continuity becomes a part of that history.

Sometimes history is changed though, which is a unique thing about comics. Hitler cannot go back and say, let me not make as much of a fool of myself as Napoleon did with Russia... maybe I should listen to Rummel... maybe I should deal with the fact that I'm a bad artist with Jewish heritage instead of becoming one of the most evil men that ever spoiled the Earth. Of course, in comics we can always go back and say, no he did not die or this was not on that parallel universe because there are none and "never were." But this is not always a good thing.

If a writer has written something so awful, so much a betrayal of the character they wrote that it has to be stricken from history it is good that he/she can do this. Retroactive continuity has one, and only one safe use. Correcting a mistake in poor writing. Anyone can do it. I cannot think of one good writer who has not written something under par. But bad stories in comics are stinking lingering things that sneak up on continuity in the middle of the night and steal its family jewels. When retconning occurs, it should be a mark of shame upon the author. It means, sir/madam, you have betrayed your duty, your country, and Spider-... I mean your characters. They should feel like a journalist forced to print a retraction because their claims are found to be false. They should feel, at least a little bit, perhaps a smidgen, understandably a tiny bit... guilty. Or perhaps, if their betrayal is vile enough, A LOT.

Now, I began discussing history and to this I return. The great Living -Tribunal that is history judges comics in two ways. In terms of the fictional characters, their actions are judged by other fictional characters based on the interpretations of their personalities that the writers give them. We still judge them. "Say it ain't so, Terra... say it ain't so!" But, the wrath of the God that is fandom comes from the judgement on creators. Specifically writers. History judges stories that might upset readers as good or bad- in the long run. I'm know people were disappointed/upset/furious over crippling Batgirl, killing Barry Allen, Elektra's first death, and Gwen Stacy's fatal "snap." History has said, however reluctantly, "well done" to these grisly events.

So does this mean that its okay to take away Gwen's innocence now and let history be the judge of whether it was good later? No, no it does not. Gwen, as she was, was already judged by history. The verdict was a definitive superb. Taking that away is wrong. And I'll say another thing, you might get away with this if its a good story, but plot-whole age discrepancies and invisible pregnancies do not good writing make. So, a good story might let you commit a crime but it still doesn't mean you should do it. A bad story that betrays years of fan support and the legacy of brilliant creators is just distasteful.

I will offer this. Avengers Disassembled was less of a betrayal- unless you're a huge Scarlet Witch fan in which case I fully support you're desire for pitchforks and lynchings. Still, Avengers will suffer when Bendis leaves. Vision will definitely return, as for the others... who knows? The future. That future will judge Bendis, and I think it will do so kindly. He is the biggest Marvel creator of his day and I think the worst he will get is a slap on the wrist for egotism. What the hell, when you're as good as he is egotism happens. (This is not to say a scorecard is in good taste).

So, I hope that (as we all do) Gwen's innocence will be returned. Wizard thinks it'll be retconned, I hope they're right. I would suggest that JMS say it was the Gwen Stacy clone and that it happened before the damn thing died. It can't get any worse, right? Well, maybe I'm being flippant. I think I'm going to have to join in on the Amazing Spider-Man boycott. It's too bad too, he was my favorite Spidey writer for years.

Tipton: Some good points, but I completely disagree with your point that AVENGERS will suffer when Bendis leaves. "Disassembled" showed, in my opinion, anyway, pretty conclusively that Bendis doesn't know the Avengers characters and has little interest in writing them, preferring instead to focus on his favorite characters like Luke Cage, Spider-Woman, Daredevil and Spidey, which is fine -- just don't call it Avengers. Having the Avengers stand around for four issues waiting for Dr. Strange to save the day and allowing Magneto to kidnap one of their own without even trying to stop him? Completely out of character, and transparently a device to get the real Avengers out of the way to make way for his team. Bleah. No thanks.

That being said, NEW AVENGERS is selling well and plenty of people seem to be enjoying it, so more power to ‘em. Eventually I’ll get my Avengers back, and in the meantime, there are plenty of books out there I do like to spend much time dwelling on the ones I don’t.

Storm B. writes: Your column almost always takes me back, but this time, it took me back, dropped me on my head, and rocked my world.

Christmas of '76, I too got the Megos I was pining for, but they were the Wonder Woman and Isis dolls. Bright Lady, the adventures we had! The best part was that they both fit my Breyer model horses (another obsession!), and could actually ride them because unlike big ol' Barbie, their legs spread. :) Some evil cow stole them.

Hadn't thought about them in a long time... now, I'm off to eBay to see just how much it'll cost to replace them! Thanks for the memories, and another year of great columns (including the Wonder Woman and Green Arrow histories I badgered you about). And the happiest of holidays; here's to another year of learnin' stuff!

Tipton: The Mego Wonder Woman was a little disappointing due to the silk-screened bodysuit costume, but the Mego Isis was an excellent figure. Still have mine, on the shelf next to my Mego Teen Titans.

Jason L. writes: Just read your latest article on MPS and even though I don't buy comics nowhere near as much as I used to I do enjoy reading your articles because they at least keep me in the loop as to what's going on in the four-color world. I'm writing this note though about a comic book movie because I too thought the subway scene in Spidey 2 was very touching. Raimi in his two Spidey movies has presented New Yorkers in a positive light that isn't seen too much in mass media most times. Good choice.

I haven't seen The Incredibles yet but I plan on it because it can't be much worse than Blade Trinity. The third installment of that series was frustrating because it wasn't bad enough to be considered awful but it was no where good enough to be considered exceptional. A waste of a good premise by Goyer and friends. So I need a good comic-book movie before Constantine, Batman Begins, and Fantastic Four comes out.

Keep up the good columns in 2005 and to infinity because I'll be here reading.

Tipton: Dude, go buy THE INCREDIBLES right now. It's not merely a great comic-book movie, it's a great movie, period.

Isak writes: Hey professor, I know that I am about three years too late with this but I was recently watching some old episodes of the batman animated series and I realized what might be my favorite episode of the series. There was an episode on the Gotham Nights series, the WB one, entitled “mean seasons” which had this masked woman kidnapping and holding hostage these company magnates. She ended up being a thirty something model that was scorned by ad execs and kicked to the curb for a younger demographic. Now I know that she was never a character in the comics, but this was still, at least I consider her to be, a very strong character. She wears a mask for almost the entire episode and through innuendo you assume she had a botched facelift and was all scarred and freakish. Now you go through the entire episode, with her almost getting the better of batman, and at the end bullock, classic bullock by the way, rips off her mask, and wham, it turns out she’s balls hot, or in the common vernacular “uncommonly beautiful”. Now this episode really speaks to me, and is at best a thinly veiled allegory of modern Hollywood, and America in general. She hit thirty and they dumped her from everything. She couldn’t get a job modeling if her life depended on it, much like modern Hollywood. She hit an invisible line, an imaginary date and suddenly she wasn’t good enough anymore. This is a villain I can identify much more with than lets say the joker, who kills just for the fun of it, or killer croc who, while shunned by society isn’t tragic enough to elicit that much sympathy. This former model hit a wall, an age, and put herself through terrible years of torture to try and stay in the lime light, everybody in the world has changed, or at least tried, for somebody else, and she pretty much went insane trying to reach somebody else’s standard of beauty. She is truly a tragic character, and while this episode isn’t perfect it still is my favorite. I mean how are you going to get the better of the fucking batman for god’s sake, with a gas emitting earring?! Plus a completely animatronic and independent dinosaur? Well I guess that can be forgiven as Saturday morning kid fodder. Speaking of asinine TV they featured a fake TV schedule for TV shows coming up in batman’s world, which again served as a perfect zing at modern pop culture, with, uh, the OC but with modeling school instead of LA, complete with the bad acting and hackneyed lines, “its… what’s… inside… that… counts…” the tag line? “We’re pretty people with problems.” and oh yeah, Teen Cop, a cop drama, which possesses 5 words, which when put together, or even apart in any sort of the same context, equals unparalleled disaster, “Intercity street drama. With a fresh attitude” think Doogie Howser, only he’s black, he’s from the streets, and he enjoys giving police brutality… with his skateboard. And finally the last show which is thankfully interrupted by a murderous former model, Beach Vets, think Baywatch meets cute sea lions every week. All of those shows pretty much show a funny, and true, interpretation of America’s love affair with shitty TV.

So just to summarize that long rant, she is somebody who most people can probably identify with, shunned by those around her for arbitrary differences, and while she is most definitely not a repeatable character, she does serve a purpose of getting people, maybe just me, to realize how discriminatory this country is based on age, looks, and various other pointless qualities. The Joker might be able to terrorize Gotham for years, but I don’t find myself relating to a guy who kills 5000 people, approx., and doesn’t have anybody calling for his ass to be hung. And even if you want mindless violence, she tries to kill the people she kidnapped with a fucking scythe! Now that’s way more cold blooded than twofaces pistol.

And if that doesn’t convince you, how about the ludicrousness of chip ‘n’ dales dancers as henchmen, one who distinctly reminds me of nancy boy Fabio, and the line which has probably stuck with me since I first saw the episode, ”another season: another reason for making trouble” I mean that is a fucking kick ass line.

Tipton: Agreed. I really liked their updating of the Calendar Man character into "Calendar Girl," a much cleverer name and concept. I think it wound up overlooked (much like my absolute favorite character from THE NEW BATMAN ADVENTURES, Roxy Rocket), because by that point the Harley and Ivy characters had really caught on with both the fanboys and the public, and Calendar Girl and Roxy suffered a little in comparison. Still a great episode, though.

Ben S. writes: Hello once more Scott:

I didn't realize I had missed so much material, when I didn't have web access. All I can say is that if Comics 101 gets printed hardcover, it would the comic lover's bible. I know I'd buy a copy. Again Loving the column, I've been unable to read your column since "Dr. Strange Strange Days Indeed", and just got to "Turn Back the Page, The Golden Age". Yes that is a huge amount of material, and loving every word of it.

But I was wondering a few things from you. 1) Would you ever cover the DC comics Elseworlds concept as a whole? Or Maybe the one that started it all "Gotham By Gaslight"? I've always found that the Elseworlds line was a notch better than the "What If?" and it had some great ideas and concepts. The one were Superman became Batman (sorry forgot the title was particularly interesting)

Tipton: 1) I'll get to some Elseworlds books a little later, although at the height of their popularity, they seemed a little too gimmicky for my tastes...

2) What was your thoughts on the DC vs Marvel crossover (the first one) and it's surprising Amalgam Comics that soon followed? Plus, their sequels...

Tipton: 2) The DC Vs. MARVEL series and the first Amalgam run was great -- the second was a little less inspired but still good.

3) Having to hold off, buying Batman comics on a regular basis due to the "War Games" crossover (*sigh*) I was wondering what was your take on the whole "big summer events" ideas they have for the summer? I miss the god old days when writers would do say 12 or 13 issues and plot out a really great story with plenty of time for set up, and surprises Grant Morrison's New X-Men being the current example. Which would be better?

Tipton: 3) Either crossovers or story arcs, it's all about the storyline -- I've seen plenty of good and bad examples of both.

Finally.... 4) Seeing as though you like to keep things positive on your column would you ever "rank" or "compare" some of the best writer/artist teams in comics. Like, who was better? Lee/Ditko or Lee/Romita or Claremont/Byrne, or Wolfman/Aparo (my favorite Batman team) You know base it on Longevity, ideas, concepts, and strength of storytelling?

Tipton: 4) Without giving it too much thought, the king of them all has to be Lee/Kirby -- no other team accomplished more nor did it so well.

Well, just something to think about. Plus let me be one of the few people out there to say thanks for the column, and have a happy, safe, and wonderful Christmas/New Years, and may you, your family, and friends be blessed. From one Comic Fan to Another... thanks for remembering what's great about comics.

Todd S. writes: I just discovered your column this past summer and look forward to each week’s installment. I had an unabashed love for comics since I was a kid and was an avid collector up until the 90’s. I picked up some odds and ends since then (KINGDOM COME for example), but could never really get fully back into collecting full time. But your column really helps to fill in gaps of what I missed, and really gets the excitement back into my heart. Comics used to give me such pure joy (not collecting them for future earnings) and each weeks reads were when I was happiest. I have to admit jealousy over your job. Anyway, to the point, I remember when I was a kid and received a Star Wars Death Star, Not the plastic on but one made out of cardboard. That was a damn fine Christmas. I was wondering if you have plans to do a column on Kingdom Come anytime soon, since that to me represented the DCU’s characters in their most definitive roles. Also if you have any plans to do anything regarding What If?. Thanks for making the best part of my childhood refreshed.

Tipton: The cardboard Death Star? Were you raised in England? I don't think that saw release in the U.S.

KINGDOM COME and WHAT IF? columns coming sometime soon.

Charles P. writes: Hey, when you covering DC's Starman series?

I'm a big JSA and Jack Knight fan and was hoping to see a recap of its "creative interpretation" of JSA history on your page.

love your other comic stuff.

Tipton: STARMAN will definitely be covered this year -- but probably not until the fall.

Avi G. writes: I enjoyed your current essays on Green Arrow and he's evolved from the Golden Age till now. But I do have a question that popped into my head while reading about them. If you can answer this, why did Green Arrow's first volume, when it was coming towards an end, have the CCA label put upon the cover? As far as I can recall, it was around issue 120 that all of a sudden, voila! There it was, the CCA label of approval was marked on it. If it had run until now, we'd probably be less likely to see DC bother with it, but anyway, that's what was done in 1997, towards the close of the first volume. But why?

I do know, though, that even then, when Chuck Dixon was the writer, that it could still have been or was pretty violent and bloody, just like when Mike Grell was writing it for its first 5 years. Yet, they actually put the CCA stamp of approval on the cover, and that they'd do it seemed kind of odd to me. Do you know why exactly?

One more thing: this reminded me that, if you haven't written any essays on Black Canary yet, will you be doing so soon? Even Birds of Prey, Oracle and Huntress would be a cool idea.

Tipton: I think the CCA stamp appeared because it went from being a direct-sales only book to a general-sales book that was being sold at newsstands.

Black Canary got a bit more coverage in my JLA series. BIRDS OF PREY will get a column eventually, I'm sure.

Brandon E. writes: In the letters column dated November 29th, you wrote:

"And no, Vision could not lift Thor's hammer. Only someone Odin would deem as "worthy' can lift it, and I doubt the Vision would make the grade. Even the fact that he's an android wouldn't make much difference, because I don't think the hammer can be moved with a backhoe or bulldozer, either"

While it is true that Vision probably could not lift Mjolnir (being emotionless or rejecting your emotions not being a very 'worthy' trait amongst angry northern warrior gods), it is not true that it cannot be moved by a backhoe or a bulldozer. In fact, any truly soulless automaton can carry Mjolnir around all they want. It's just that there is a general lack of truly soulless automatons in the Marvel Universe. Anything that could be considered self-aware doesn't qualify. So long as the motive force is not provided by a will-possessing body, it can be moved. The Destroyer, provided that it is not animated by a soul but is instead just rampaging, has been able to lift it before for instance. It has been suggested, however, that automatons that are not subject to the worthines clause, have to be capable of lifting Mjolnir's true weight, which is in excess of several tons. Those that are worthy either can lift it despite the weight, or gain the power of Thor anyway and a couple tons means nothing to them.

Tipton: Duly noted. Thanks much for the elaboration.

Joe N. writes: A reader checking in from work on Christmas Eve, with a compliment and a tale:

I cover film for a major metropolitan news daily; been around the block some – 5 years at Entertainment Weekly, a year at Us Weekly, written on film for the New York Times, USA Today, the London Observer, now for two years here – but rarely have any pieces I’ve written or read catapulted me back to my ‘70s kidhood the way your piece last week did, the one that opened with a discussion of the great Mego Green Arrow action figure. Nice way into that column, and nice job on the histories. Good work all around.

Now for the tale, and I swear this is true. You may be the only person who’d appreciate it:

About 12 years ago, a trip back to my hometown (Milwaukee, Wisconsin) yielded a few old action figures to re-sell. The problem was, my younger sister had gone to town on them, ripping them to shreds. So I bring them back with me to Manhattan, where myself, my girlfriend, and another friend are in a store called Love Saves the Day on Second Avenue. My friend looks at the action figures I’m going to re-sell and says, “They’re never going to buy those! I mean, Christ, look at ‘em – the Green Goblin’s got no boots, Scotty has no gun, and Thor has the wrong cape!” I say, yeah, yeah, I know, but let’s try anyway. We go to the resale shop, and I convince an employee – the owner isn’t in – to buy the three figures for, like, 25 bucks in toto. I figured I got away with the sad, but at the time financially essential, sale.

So the next day My girlfriend wants to go back and try on some of the clothes they have at Love Saves the Day, and while my friend and I are in a coffee shop, she’s in the store’s changing room; from inside there, she overhears the store manager on the phone in the back area -- and on my mother’s grave, this is what she hears:

“…Yeah, I don’t know why the Hell he bought them from the guy! I mean -- Scotty hasn’t got a gun, the Goblin’s got no boots, and Thor’s got the wrong cape!!”

Thought you’d appreciate.

Tipton: Thanks a lot for the kind words, Joe. Happy to hear you enjoyed the column.

That's classic about the Megos. I still have all mine, painstakingly restored a few years back.

TV RECOMMENDATIONS

David S. writes: Thought I'd drop in with a few of my thoughts on Arrested Development, finally putting to rest the burning question, "Yes, but what does some guy in Idaho think of all this?"

I first caught an ep of AD in it's first season. If memory serves me right I came in on the middle of an episode and, of course, I really didn't know what the hell was going on. I thought it was admirable as it was different from anything I'd seen on the tube, but I didn't think it was all that funny.

Fast forward to May of this year. I was in Egypt, and in a plot complication worthy of the show, I found myself holed up in my hotel room with a bout of Pharoh's Revenge. (I never should have taken that rock from the Valley of the Kings.) While the rest of my tour group were poking through temples thousands of years old, I was in bed, watching repackaged American sitcoms, most of them really, really bad. Right after a so-bad-it-was-surreal episode of something called "Complete Savages," the gods had mercy on me and a season 2 episode of Arrested Development came on. To my surprise, I laughed myself silly. (Caveat: I did have a fever.)

Okay, when I got back home I threw Season 1 of Arrested Development into my Netflix queue and about a week and a half later, I was enjoying what I consider to be (arguably) the best sitcom I have ever seen. (And yes, it trumps Seinfeld, IMO.) So I reflected back on just why I finally connected with the show and not before. (And why, perhaps, others are not discovering this amazing one-of-a-kind sitcom.) First of all, watching it from the beginning GREATLY enhances the over-all enjoyment of the show. The pilot sets up the characters and situations that drive all the other eps. The show is a complex animal with plot lines and great one-liners that have been put into play in episodes past. So if you come in in the middle of an ep, chances are you are not going to get everything that you should be getting. And, to reiterate my first point, not seeing the pilot means the average viewer is going to have to actually work a little to get caught up. (Horrors, I know, but this is why more accessible sit-coms do better in the ratings. Sad, but true.)

The humor of AD comes not from your typical set-up-- punchline, but from the plot and the character interactions. As AD fans know, the writers will often mine humor from lines that were episodes ago. For fans, this makes AD a richer, funnier show. For casual viewers, just checking it out, the typical reaction is probably more "huh?" Still, I sincerely hope it doesn't get dumbed down for the masses. If it does get cancelled, let it get cancelled with honor, damnit. (And hopefully HBO would have the sense to pick it up. I'd love to see unrated Bluth goodness.)

Ryall: I agree that familiarity with the show helps the yuks, sure. But that’s true of most every show, although this one pays off recurring jokes more often than most. The blue handprints all over the Bluth house last season would’ve been funny, I think, even as just a sight gag, but it’s definitely much funnier if you knew why Tobias was leaving them. Hopefully the DVD releases help for other people who might’ve felt lost.

As for the show dumbing down, I tend to think that would never happen. Mitch Hurwitz seems very much like a guy who’d take his ball and go home rather than let the studio interfere with his show.

TV PILOT REVIEW

Jay F. writes: I just read your review of the new NIGHT STALKER pilot. Can't say I'm surprised that it's bad. As soon as I heard the premise (and the casting), I knew this wouldn't be anywhere near as good as the original. But the way you honed in on the point that Kolchak could've examined the mysterious creature after they cut to commerical hits on EXACTLY the problem I had with so many X-FILES episodes (and even SMALLVILLE) -- when the creators don't give any thought to what happens when they leave a scene. It just defies logic, and you're the first person I've ever seen hit the nail so squarely on the head. Just wanted to say -- "I feel you, man.”

Ryall: Yeah… the idea has potential, but it’s just not good. Too full of “idiot logic” to get me to want to give it another chance.

Jeff writes: in your review of the upcoming Ghost Whisperer, i didn't see a mention of NBC's the MEDIUM.

The Ghost Whisperer is a direct rip off of the MEDIUM.

Ryall: Well, some could argue that MEDIUM isn’t exactly breaking new ground, either. But I agree, they’re both very similar, and while I don’t watch MEDIUM, I could’ve at least mentioned the similarities.

i know blatant rip-offs in todays entertainment don't seem to matter much, but maybe if reviewers like you point them out, we see new ideas make their way to the small screen.

Ryall: I think all the LOST rip-offs coming this year poke a hole in that theory.

i've only seen the medium once but, Patricia arquette(?) is a bankable star and a pretty damn good actress in the right role (like True Romance). i like the fact that she's cranky because she's truly annoyed by the whole invasion of her brain by dead people. but the show won't have a very long run because arquette won't stick around. not because it's not a good character for her, but because it's never going to be a big hit. and she's smart enough not to hang around on a middle of the road show. she'll return to offbeat movies(which she's great at). very soon, the Medium story lines will be forced and get stale. the best writers on the show will head for the exits and that will be the end of that.

Ryall: What makes you think that? Patricia is actually comfortable with the show and being able to work close to home and be around her kids. I doubt she’ll just quit and go back to movies.

the ghost whisperer pilot may be mildly entertaining but it'll fail to find an audience after the first several shows. mainly because it won't skew a younger audience and will lose the mature audience very quickly(they'll compare it to the medium and the GW will come up short)

a younger audience(mainly male) want to see a sexy jennifer love hewitt with tight clothing and some exposed cleavage(which it doesn't have) and girls will find her in that awkward state of no longer being a girl and not quite a woman(girls are not found of that stage in life). and especially not with a girl/woman with a hair style from the original Charlie's angels.

Plus, mature audiences don't care about JL hewitt. they think she a post teen star without merit. and mature audiences are generally not into scary, spooky ghosts that jump out from the closet. they want "the six sense" scary. Intelligent scary.

Ryall: I should mention that the pilot episode did include tight clothing and some cleavage, too.

One Will Be Bad, Alright

Greg S. writes: I have to pretty much agree with analysis from most of you guys at the site that FF was not a good movie. Though I wouldn't say it was bad either. Basically I would tend to say it was pretty much hit or miss. They pretty much nailed Johny and Ben but the rest of the characters are really hindered by a lack of story (well maybe I am giving the actors the benifit of the doubt there). They pretty much spent the whole time establishing the characters insted of creating a real conflict. I guess if you look at it from a glass half full perspective the sequel has a lot of potential if they actually come up with a plot.

Ryall: That’s a tall glass of generosity you’re pouring for the movie, I have to say…

While I was upset by Doom not getting his real origin (which was done apparently in the 94 movie so why not now?) I knew that going in and was okay with it, but, as many have said, he seems to have no motivation for his actions. Aside from that the only part that really made me want to throw something at the screen was when the Thing is cured. It makes no sense and could have been fixed very simply. Just say that the effects were only temporary and he reverted back into his rocky form. Saying that he wants to remain a monster is completely against his character, not only in comics but in the movie too. That really bugged me. I took my two young cousins to see it and they really liked it, so I guess they hit well on one audience. But all in all I found it a lot like the Hulk, very uneven, it had parts that were really good but then you just think that the writers took a few days off and let monkeys work on the script in their absense.

One quick question, are the Dardevil and Punisher rights owned by different studios? Since they were both uneven movies that are on the boarder for sequels I figured it would be good to do a Punisher vs Daredevil movie since their conflicts made some pretty good stories in the comics.

Thanks and keep up the good work.

Ryall: Marvel could do a DD/Punisher movie if they wanted to, but they won’t. That’s a comic fan’s wish, but not the sort of thing they’d ever try to offer up to a mass audience. But a team-up, and combining both those movies, might’ve made for one tolerable flick instead of one so-so movie (DD) and one awful one (PUNISHER).

Nathan H. writes: I guess from your comments on the FF movie, that you also don't like Ultimate FF either. since that is where the Sue as scientist stuff came from, but it could have been worse. We could have had the weird Reed Richards/Bart Simpson combination that is Ultimate Reed. I guess to fix Sue, they could have gone the Marvel Knights route and made her a teacher, or maybe a business woman.

Ryall: Don’t get me wrong—her position didn’t bother me at all. I like them giving Sue some brains. But they did so in title only—every time she opened her mouth, she was nothing but a petulant brat. I never saw one glimpse of her genius. The movie was rather stingy with barely any glimpses at all of her various talents.

Strangely enough, I'm a lifelong FF fan too, and I liked this movie. It was mainly because of Michael Chicklis as the Thing and Chris Evans as the Torch. Evans gave a Will Smith in Independence Day performance and kept this from being a no fun action movie.

However, I think they need to replace Ioan Gruffud, He was O.K. I guess, but seriously, how is it possible not to have any chemistry with Jessica Alba? She's much too hot for that.

As for Julian Mcmahon as Dr. Doom, Well he tried his best. That script did not do him any favors. Marco Polo? give me a Break!

Oh, and this movie is not worse than Catwoman. NOTHING is worse than Catwoman!

To weigh in on the Jessica Biel/ Anne Hathaway debate, I would think that Jessica is here to stay, while Anne may be hopelessly typecast from too many Disney Movies. To be honest though, I haven't seen HAVOC.

Plus, STEALTH may be an awful movie, but the ad I saw for it did have Jessica Biel in a bikini, and great close-up shots of her ass.

Hope you had a good time at Comic-Con, and you will love WEDDING CRASHERS!

Ryall: I’m with you on Ioan-as-Reed. Maybe it was his stretchy mouth, but he had a hard time fully losing his English accent on some words. He was just so ineffectual and annoying in the movie, not exactly what I expect from Reed Richards.

Roadhouse 2: Pain Does Hurt

“Rtomservo9” writes: what the bloody fuck is next? Breakin' 3 Electric Gangstacy? None of these three warrants a friggin' bloody sequel because no one gave a toss about the originals. George Romero has to go through living friggin' HELL to get a movie financed (when ALL his zombie films make money UNRATED) and these ponces can get some crap (that WILL ultimately flop) financed before you can say 'Bob's Your Uncle'. Want to know if the world is about to end? Here it is.

Ryall: The only way I’d be into a ROADHOUSE sequel is if it focused on Sam Elliott’s washed-up character…

The “Eh” Emmy Noms

Robert M. writes: While there were a lot of good picks this year, not to recognize Veronica Mars and especially Kristen Bell is just plain wrong. Of course the Emmys only recognize highly rated shows, so I shouldn't be surprised. Maybe it will take a couple of years. But at least I don't have to watch the Emmys this year...

Eddie C. writes: I thought you would've been pleased to see some of the shows nominated: Arrested Development, Scrubs, and Lost. I know what you mean about the Emmy's resistance to change, though. If "Everybody Loves Raymond" wins only for the simple reason that they ended the show, you know it's business as usual.

I'd love to see Arrested Development win (or even Scrubs), but somehow I don't think it'll happen. Other personal favorites would be Lost (or Deadwood or Six Feet Under), Jason Bateman for Comedy Actor, Naveen Andrews or Terry O' Quinn for Drama Actor and either Jeffrey Tambor or Jeremy Piven for Supporting Actor. Ultimately though, I won't even be watching it. Can't stand award shows and there's way too many now on TV. I can wait till the next day to find out.

Ryall: Well, I should mention that we’ll have the winners posted that same night, so you don’t have to wait until the next day.

You Want to Tell Her or Should I?

Haley writes: I think you should do another "teen movie #2" because the first ending on # 1 sucked balls, what happens next? do they break up or live together--(spoofing van wilder) they should be broke up at the begining and the guy should be at a foot ball field talking to a girl and she tells him" we need to talk"......................she's "with child" oh no! and so on, what happens next?

Ryall: I don’t have the heart to tell little Haley that we had nothing to do with that movie… or any movie…

Photos of the Week

Ryall: And some views from Comicon, starting with me trying to verify whether the words on Ed’s shirt (on a banner that was stolen a day later) is accurate or not:

Ryall: The always-present Elvis Stormtrooper:

Ryall: Caveman Robot:

Ryall: For some reason, this guy wouldn’t offer any ice cubes if you bought a drink:

Ryall: And a scene from one of Brian Michael Bendis’s recurring nightmares:

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