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February 6, 2006

COMICS 101 is in Session

Sean S. writes: Great column... blah blah... read it everyweek... blah blah... keep up the good work... blah blah...

Ok. Since DC is throwing the word "Crisis" around like so much diced lettuce at the moment, I thought it proper to finally read "Crisis on Infinite Earths" (I missed it the first time around being three years old and all). My question is... does anybody remember the "Crisis"? After finishing it, I'm left to believe that the villians don't remember it but it seemed like all the heroes did (i.e. Batman/Robin having a makeshift service for Earth2 Huntress/Robin). Do the heroes have any recollection of the Crisis? I can't imagine that they do with the Byrne Superman reboot coming so soon after and all but I'm led to believe that they would remember the alternate universe heroes. I'm trying to figure out how all the stuff going down in the current DCU might link back to COIE but I'm doing a lot more headscratching that I'd like. HELP!

Tipton: Everyone in the DCU remembers a time of red skies and great battles a few years back, in which Barry Allen died saving the Earth from the Anti-Monitor, but they're all a bit hazy on the details. They don't remember anyone whose history hinged on being from Earth-2, like the Earth-2 Robin or Huntress. Any post-CRISIS comics that indicate such have since been declared an error and editorially invalid.

That is, until the advent of INFINITE CRISIS – now more and more people are starting to either remember or get clued in.

Tom S. writes: I recently got the Gotham Central trade Half a Life (which, by the way, was absolutely fantastic), and I had a question about it. Several characters mention throughout the story how Harvey Bullock was busted for corruption at some point. I haven't read many of the recent "event" Batman stories, so I assume I just missed that. Since I always thought Bullock was a straight cop (if kind of a dick), I was wondering what happened to him?

Tipton: After Commissioner Gordon was shot a couple years back, it looked like his assailant would walk on a technicality. Bullock refused to let it lie and arranged for mobsters who had issues with the guy to find him and whack him. Internal Affairs found out and began investigating, and Bullock quit the force rather than face charges.

Will A. writes: I read your column weekly. The recent one about short lived LEGENDS OF THE SUPERHEROES tv series made me think of a more recent desecartion of the Justice League, namely a pilot for a live-action tv series a few years ago I heard about. Do you have any more information on it? I swear it had Guy Gardner as the Green Lantern but that's all I can remember.

Also, I was wondering if there was going to be a column on Neil Gaiman's Sandman at any point in the future.

Tipton: Indeed it did. Guy Gardner, the Flash, the Atom, Fire, Ice and the guy who played Major Winchester on MASH as the Martian Manhunter. You might be seeing more about it in the column next time I need a break.

As for SANDMAN, hopefully this year…

David N. writes: I'm a bit of a comic book dork (a big dork in my normal social circle, a moderate dork in the grand scheme of things, and an embarrassingly small dork at ComicCon each year), and my favorite hero of all time, for years, has been Hank Pym, for almost exactly the same reasons you state in your Ant-Man Comics 101 column at MoviePoopShoot (which I just started reading, thanks to a tip from my little brother). I do have more tolerance for Marvel's current "Ultimate" run than you do (I dislike the U-Spiderman and U-X-Men titles strongly, but have a moderate tolerance for the Ultimate FF, as I was never a big FF fan in the first place [tho the Ultimate Dr. Doom drives me batty], and I'm enthralled by "the Ultimates" and Millar's dark retelling/condensing of the Avengers' history), and I love how Millar has zeroed in on the core of ol' knockaround Hank.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your love of Dr. Pym, and that your column is excellent, and I hope you enjoy writing it as much as I'm enjoying reading it.

Tipton: Thanks, man. Glad you're enjoying it. Maybe I'll give the new ULTIMATES another look...

Mike C. writes: True Story: A couple years ago, a friend and I watched both episodes of Legends of the Superheroes and the Star Wars Holiday on the same day.

No drugs or alcohol were involved, but when I was driving home that night, I had some kind of migrane-level headache and had to pull over the side of the road and vomit.

Connection?

Tipton: Sounds like an open-and-shut case to me...

Joe R. writes: Thanks for stirring up those memories I thought I had loooooong suppressed. I, too, remember the god-awfulness of watching LEGENDS OF THE SUPERHEROES with my brother, back in our pre-teen days of the late 70's. Oh how we had wanted it to be better - but oh how it sucked! Still, a nice in-depth review of that show, though. I just forwarded the link to my brother, so he can revile, I mean, re-live the memories, too.

I actually didn't think there would be anything that could come close to this, until I saw the unaired JUSTICE LEAGE pilot from the 90's. Now that was truly cheese worthy, too. How about a piece on that one, for all the folks who have not had the diss-pleasure of seeing it?

Tipton: Since the reaction to this one was so big, I can practically guarantee it.

Eric writes: Great article on the Legends of The Superheroes. I remember watching this as a boy, I must have been about 9 at the time, and I loved it. My parents, God bless them, even watched it with me. They certainly loved me, eh?

Anyway, having these fond memories of said show, I had to track down a copy. Well low and behold, I found one at the Motor City Con last fall and bought it immediately. I couldn't wait to get home and watch it. Of course after watching it, I wished I had spent my money on some JLoA back issues or a frontal lobotamy.

Thanks again for all the hard work on Comics 101.

Jeff M writes: I actually had a memory of that buried in the back of my mind. It was a foggy memory, so much so I thought I was the only person to remember it. Now I read your article and well, it seemed a lot cooler when I was all of 6... I may regret asking this, but where could I get a copy of them? Conventions? (Let me guess...right next to the Star Wars Christmas Special...)

Tipton: Yeah, there are bootlegs at most big shows.

Adam G. writes: Man, I swear until I saw today's article I thought myself, my dad and my brother were the only ones in existence who saw that turd burger of a show. My dad bought it on tape waaay back in the early '90s, and well, when you're 11, this is the greatest thing ever (I mean you can't say no to a live action Captain Marvel... Well, maybe you can. Lord, what I wouldn't give for a good Captain Marvel film). Of course now looking back I remember how terrible it really was. It's amazing what nostalgia can do. I think it was the fact that for the first time really anywhere you were able to see all these heroes come alive. It wasn't some poorly animated Superfriends cartoon (I saw this pre-Batman: TAS, mind you) nor was it that Superman cartoon from the '80s, (which I have fond memories of). This was real.

Of course back then I equated TV with reality and was fairly certain Superman was real, just never on the news for one reason or another.

In an completely different note, I noticed in your Rocketeer article you failed to mention the main inspiration for the character, Commando Cody, the rocket packed hero from the 1940/50s serials and subsequent TV series (and who was the namesake of one of the many clone troopers in ROTS). He isn't that well known, in fact the only reason I know of him is because he's my dad's favorite hero after Captain Marvel.

Tipton: The fact that, like me, you saw it as a kid, but in the 1990s is both weird and slightly depressing...

Yeah, I just didn't have time to work the whole Commando Cody aspect into the Rocketeer piece...

Jerry B. writes: Oh...my....God..... I finally have proof that as an 11 year old, I didn't accidentally ingest acid and bad trip hallucinate this ugly mess. I have talked about Legend of the Superheroes for years. One of my college roommates, Robby Richardson, is the only other person I know that has seen this turd. No one remembers it or Pink Lady & Jeff (I saw every episode of both shows. How sad is that). Damn, I forgot how bad those costumes looked and your description is dead on with my memory. I thought that it was cool to see some obscure comic characters on TV, but it was so god-awful you just wanted it to stop. I remember thinking that Grundy was done well, and that Gorshin ruled, but everything else was so fucking horrible and embarassing. Shame on Burt Ward. Hell, shame on everyone involved with putting this on the air. Thanks for reminding me that as bad as it can sometimes get, it could always be worse.

P.S. By the way, I have been reading your column for several years now. I really enjoy your writng and take on things. I collected comics from 1976 - 1987. I don't collect now, but I still have my collection and have kept up with fandom. Once a geek, always a geek. It has been great to revisit my memories of 80's titles and events. The histories you put together are well constructed and always seem to include all the important bits. Not alot of fluff. Also great to see that you write about comic films as well as comic books (even if it is a shit can of bile like LOTS). I really enjoyed the Harry Osbourne column from last week. I learned to read, by reading Spider-Man. My mom bought me the books and we would sit down each night and she taught me to read with those books. I started with Spidey #120 and stopped around issue #157. Yep, I learned to read on THOSE issues and wore them slap out to tattered rags (ah if only I had a time machine). So I was well familiar with the Osbourne stories from that time period. It was great to revisit them and then to learn how it all ended for Harry. I even teared up a little. But I remebered every frame and word from the scans you posted. It was very cool. Also thanks for writing about Mark Gruenwald. I always liked his work and never felt he got the props he deserved. I got to meet him once in 1984. A very classy guy. Keep writing 'em, and I'll keep reading 'em. Thanks.

George C. writes: Don't dealers at comic conventions realize selling tapes and DVDs of TV specials like "Legends of the Superheroes" are going to dumb down the remaining comic book readership even more? LOL

Seriously, if somebody strapped me into a chair, pried my eyelids open with toothpicks and FORCED me to watch a marathon of those "Superhero" specials AND "The Star Wars Holiday Special" then I, too, might actually think something GOOD is happening in a Bendis- or Chuck Austen-written comic!

(Heck, with the Bendis comic I might actually think something happened in the two issues where the main characters were gabbing and doing nothing else while sipping lattes at the local Starbucks! Remember, with Bendis it took SIX issues of Ultimate Spider-Man to retell Spidey's origin when it only took Stan Lee and Ditko less than 15 pages to do the same with the original Spidey story! Frankly, Amazing Fantasy # 15's Spidey story was written BETTER than anything I've seen of Bendis' Spidey issues, too...!)

The column was a good laugh. I'm sure I saw both those specials when they premiered and aired ONLY ONCE on TV in the late 1970s but thankfully some childhood traumas are erased like a demagnetized VHS tape! I can't remember a single thing about either TV special. Obviously, if I'd been in puberty at the time, I WOULD have remembered The Huntress, Giganta, or the Black Canary! LOL

Before I sign off on this e-mail, you honestly think these "Superhero" specials were worse than "The Star Wars Holiday Special"? That one I've seen recently online, and for once I agree with George Lucas that THAT version of Star Wars shouldn't exist!

Tipton: It's a tossup. Ghetto Man is unbearable, but then I think about Bea Arthur singing in the Cantina and I start to twitch...

Phil K. writes: Another fine column! I can't believe you covered this god-awful show, but I am so glad you did! I've been trying to find the name and specifics of it forever! I was even telling a friend about it not two weeks ago, hoping he'd remember it.

I remember watching it as a kid but couldn't remember anything about it (probably blocked it out due to how horrific it was). I just remember some scenes, but reading your column brought it all back.

Thank you for digging this up and keep up the outstanding work!

Brian H. writes: Holy cow! I never knew this thing existed and I love crappy television! If you review the Seventies Spider-man, the Hasselhoff Nick Fury, or the Justice League television pilot for your next columns I will worship you for the man-god you are. You are truly worthy of being the professor of comics, sir. I salute you!

Also, I would totally buy a Mordru action figure if it came with a magical jet ski. If only he had one of those when battling the pesky Legion he might have actually nailed 'em all. Speaking of which, any columns about the Legion coming down the road? A Great Darkness Saga review would be awesome if given the Tipton Treatment. Thanks again!

Tipton: I gotta do a lot more Legion reading first, but I am planning on it.

Heh. A Mordru figure with jet ski would totally rock.

Tim H. writes: I am a long time reader from Sydney, Australia. This is the first time I have been compelled to express my feelings regarding your column. You see, I too was gravely concerned about the direction of comic book movies. Were the future silver screen outings of our most beloved comic book characters doomed?

Two recent developments regarding the genre gave me reason for pause:

Brett Ratner is directing X-Men 3
The forthcoming Fantastic Four Movie

Surely these were signs of the impending, fiery death of the comic book movie?

With this great weight on my shoulders, I tuned in to your latest column "Legends of the Superheroes"......

My God Man!!! How can a mere mortal deal with the emotional pain of being subjected to this (the late, great Frank Gorshin notwithstanding)? Mr Tipton, you are an incredibly brave soul. The fact that you could overcome your initial trauma to provide the uneducated with screen captures will ensure that your name is uttered by future generations with deep reverance - "Professor Tipton was brutally ambushed by Burt Ward's diabolical hands and knees routine. The brave professor had recorded the moment as a warning, a touchstone if you like, for future generations!"

After reading your column, I promptly cleansed my eyes with the magnificent Star Wars Holiday Special. I suggest you do the same.

By the way - your column really did help me for the better. I now feel the upcoming cinematic exploits of Reed, Sue, Ben and Johnny will be equivalent to 'Lawrence of Arabia'. As for Ratner's X3, I'm certain it will be the equal of any Terrence Malick motion picture.

Tipton: With the benefit of hindsight, I still think I liked the Corman FF movie better…

Tom A. writes: Dude, you really went all out on this one. Thanks for taking the hit.

I remember seeing this on TV back in the day, and of course, not realising how truly bad it really was.

Of course the same can be said for the Six Million Dollar Man, and The Incredible Hulk, both of which I remember as being pretty good, and catching the reruns on SciFi Channel? Yeah, not so much.

Thanks again for being informative and entertaining.

Tipton: GREATEST AMERICAN HERO actually holds up pretty well, I was pleased to discover.

Rich S. writes: You mean there were actually TWO episodes of that abomination? I can only remember one, and that none too clearly, though I will never forget the Green Lantern vanishing bit. Thanks for bringing that up. No, really. I was sleeping too soundly.

Now why don't you do quick columns on Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park and the Star Wars Holiday Special, two programs of similar cinematic quality that came out about the same time? If you want to reassure your readers that one misstep, no matter how egregious, won't kill off a genre, the latter is conclusive proof.

Tipton: Woof. KISS Meets the Phantom is a lot to ask...

Carl J. writes: Thanks for the column about the Legends of SuperHeroes. It brought back a lot of memories, unfortunately.

I remember watching this show when I was 9 years old. I was so hyped to watch it. I had been reading comics for a few years, loved the Shazam!/Isis Saturday morning show ( Joanna Cameron, Isis, was one of my first crushes), and just couldn't wait for this show to come on. Imagine a prime time superhero show.

At 9, this seemed like a great show. I didn't understand why it wasn't on the next week.

It was great to see Captain Marvel again. It didn't bother me that someone else played him, there had been 2 others.

I couldn't believe the Huntress was on TV, I tried to tell mom and dad that she was on Earth-2 and Batman's, of Earth-2's, daughter but they didnt' understand such scientific notions. Barbara Joyce was hot, no Ashley Scott, but she was hot.

Batman's pulled out cowl really bothered me. I don't understand why they didn't tuck it in, maybe it kept coming out? Surely Adam West wouldn't have wore it like that if he could help it.

The effects were pretty cheesy, especially Flash's. I kept waiting for Giganta to become huge, but it never happened. I was disappointed.

Apparently, Mickey Morton, "Grundy", liked to play in bad tv specials. He also appeared in the Star Wars Holiday Special. Guess that is an auspicious medal of honor to be on both shows.

I really enjoy your column. Thank you for writing it.

What made you think of writing about this?

Tipton: What made me think about writing this? To be honest, when I wrote it, it was my really busy time of year, and with tons of paying work vying for my time, this was something I could write pretty quickly with minimal research. Luckily everyone seemed to enjoy it.

Brent A. writes: Thanks for the articles you have been writing they have been very informative and fun to read. I would really appreciate if you could walk through a simplified explanation of how the rights work for comic book characters appearing in television and movies.

How is it that Blue Beetle's rights are still tangled after all these years? Why does a movie appearance exclude a character for a cartoon television appearance? Does DC have any control over their characters in other media or has Warner Entertainment just pulled rank and use the characters as they see fit? Why does Marvel sue at the drop of a hat (Marvel v. City of Heroes)?

From my questions you might be able to tell I am a big DC fan. I have a lot of Marvel stuff from my childhood but right now DC is the way to go for me. Again thanks for the articles, my personal favorites are when you run through the history of a series.

PS Do you play City of Heroes? It is a truly great game.

Tipton: It really depends on the specific agreement hammered out between the comic publisher and the studio. To take your questions as an example:

Blue Beetle is a legal mess because of the character's long history. Starting at Fox publishing in the 40s, then going to Charlton in the '60s before being bought by DC in the '80s, there's some question as to whether the original owners would get a piece of whatever profits are derived from TV/movie appearances, especially since the contracts back in the 40s didn't anticipate these kinds of possibilities. (A similar struggle was fought recently between Disney and the Winnie the Pooh people over DVD rights.)

DC has limited control over the characters to a certain degree, but usually only in an advisory capacity. For example, they couldn't stop the horrible CATWOMAN movie from making the mistakes they did. Now, for stuff like the Justice League cartoon, which is produced by the same parent company, they have a bit more leeway in saying what characters can be used and what ones can't, but many of those are also legal issues.

Marvel sued over the City of Heroes thing because they're planning their own online game, and that's just business.

Haven't played City of Heroes, as great as I hear it is. Just don't have the time.

Dan F. writes: The hard work you put into making the column on Legends of the Superheroes is much appreciated, Scott. As long as I’ve been reading comics, I somehow never even heard of this. Thanks for suffering through it again for our amusement! (everyone should start their day with a pic of Mordru on a jet ski).

One thought: that pic of the villains sitting in their “director’s chairs” in their lair…I was half expecting to see James Lipton come out and ask Frank Gorshin if he could speak with Edward Nigma…

Tipton: Heh. That's really funny. Mordru just needs a big stack of blue cards next to him.

TV RECOMMENDATIONS

"A reader" writes: It'd be helpful if you could implant some brief descriptions of the shows in your weekly TV Recommendations.

for example, your Las Vegas Law critique ("LAS VEGAS LAW -- 10 PM, Court TV Debut: Now there's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one.") doesnt tell me ANYTHING about the show. Is it like COPS, following police around as they bust heads? Is it talking heads discussing cases? Is it a fictional drama?

You have to give your readers some info to make judgments on, we can't just always assume you're right (especially based on your inexplicable dislike of Family Guy).

Ryall: Well, sure, it'd be helpful... it'd also make me into TV Guide. I'd kinda hoped it was obvious that my TV RECS is a mostly humorous column, although I do let my likes and dislikes be pretty well known. But shows like the one you listed, I want to mention in the column that they're new, but beyond that, if I don't know everything about a new show, think of me as the Cliff's Notes of TV. If you want more info on a show, you just might have to go seek it out yourself.

Then again, it's also safe to assume I'm always right, as evidenced by how right I am about FAMILY GUY being total shite.

Chris G. writes: I used to be all like "wtf dude?" at your Family Guy comments. Because I thought the show was hilarious... Until tonite. I finally realised the show is pretty weak and it's numerous references to old tv shows and pop culture are total overkill. Plus the political jabs are a pinch insulting to my intelligencel; it's like they don't know I know Bush is an idiot and the FCC are facists, so they need to make an episode to make sure I'm in the know, FUCK THEM! I used to think Family Guy was as brilliant as South Park, but now I see the light (this is truly turning out to be the the year I take control of my thinking!). I am almost certain an almighty god (Alanis?) exists since Futurama might return (TRULY genius show!).

Ryall: I knew you'd come around eventually...

PS: i know your into Anthrax, but I've lost hope. Bush is gone and now they;re just going to milk this nostalgia act DRY! Plus I love what this one guy did; It was because Scott Ian bitched about the club dimebag was murdered in needed better security and the staff should be sued. So when they played in that town one of the staff wrote something like "fuck you, scott ian" on a shirt and Ian saw it and had a dumb look on his face. I love the music but I grew tired of these rock stars flaping their gums. specially zakk wylde. Eff em!

Ryall: You know, last time they were in town, in November, Scott Ian left me backstage tix for the show, and I have to say, after now finally seeing Joey front the band, too, I really do miss John Bush.

Shawn R. writes: Hi, I emailed you less than a year ago regarding the Gilmore Girls. I saw your jab at the show in your TV Recommendations column and I completely agree. Why is this once great show resorting to the tired "secret kid" storyline? Is this General Hospital?

Also, I completely agree that the fact she's a female is only alienating the male fans. Already engorged with estrogen, the show is becoming too feminine; I'd argue that the character of Luke has even been toned down this season.

Finally, is it just me, or does the writing seem to have suffered? The once mighty banter seems greatly reduced. On good days, the dialogue was a terse and clean version of Kevin Smith. Increasingly, the words are spoken into a vacuum and the plot lines dangle.

Am I whining or is this just me? On the bright side, I've got Supernatural as well. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the show. I know it's nothing special, but it keeps me entertained and it's harmless drek, a teenybopper's version of Nightstalker. It's just got a charm about it, I suppose.

Ryall: It's really odd, since shows typically only add bratty teen characters when they're struggling, and this show seemed to have found its footing again, not that it ever really lost it. Which is why it's even more annoying to see, I think. I trusted them at first, since the show's always been a bit different and I didn't think this would go down that same stale, expected path, but it's really been tedious, unfortunately.

As for Supernatural, it's not something I TiVo every week, but I do dig it. It's a fun show, and some of the episodes have been actually scary, too, which I never quite expect from a network show. So yeah, it's a pleasure and not even one I feel guilty about liking.

Nick B. writes: Just saw an [adult swim] card saying they're starting production this summer of four direct-to-video Futurama movies! Hooray!

"Great idea, Bender!" -- Bender, Futurama (Ep. "Raging Bender")

Ryall: It IS good news, yeah, but man, you really should've read our news more often.

Greg S. writes: Just thought I'd drop my two cents on Smallville, with what I thought was one of the best episodes. I was kind of glad to see Lana go, since I thought her character was just useless, she liked Clark, but didn't care for the secrets, and that would always be between them. Aside from a possible thing with Lex, there really isn't anywhere else to go with her character. I always thought Chole just seemed liked a much better person than Lana, she cared about Clark, kept his secret, and just deals with the fact that Clark is obsessed with Lana. I was kind of hopeful that Lana would die anyway at the end, maybe not knowing Clark's idenity. Also I loved the bit when Chole asks if Clark is going to reverse the rotation of the Earth, as I always disliked that part of the movie.

But it became pretty obvious that Pa Kent was going to die. In the end though, I think it makes Clark a much more interesting (though a lot different) character. He is almost Spiderman like in his knowledge that he was at fault for his father's death. Though it doesn't add the responsibilty aspect that Spiderman has, it just gives the character a lot more emotion to deal with. I like what they did, but it really comes close to the line of what I always thought made Superman, Batman, and Spiderman the three best heros. Batman does his thing out of a need for revenge and justice, Spiderman, out of guilt, and Superman, just because he is a good person who thinks it is the right thing to do. What they did on Smallville makes the line a little fuzzy between Spidey and Superman, and considering this doesn't really have an impact on the true (comic book) nature of the characters, all and all, I think it is a good thing.

Ryall: I started to think Jonathan would be the one, too. Chloe seemed too obvious, and this whole Senator campaign seemed more and more like it'd end badly. I'll really miss him on the show, though. I don't really agree that Clark was to blame and that this gives him a sort of Spider-Man or Batman thing. More than that, it follows the original SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE, where Pa Kent died soon before Clark left Smallville. It'll be interesting to see where the show goes without its moral center.

Jonathan S. writes: I'll miss Jonathan Schneider. I've loved seeing him every week. It makes me nostalgic for the time years ago when I would watch the Dukes of Hazard with my grandfather. It's also nice to have a namesake on TV...that way, at least not everyone persists in spelling my name wrong.

Annette O'Toole WAS better as Lana than Martha. She doesn't annoy me as much as she annoys you, but I agree, if one of them had to go, I'd have preferred it have been her.

But I'm really glad to see that Chloe is still around.

Ryall: Yeah, me, too. I don't hate Martha, I just find her typical role of hand-ringer to be a bit tedious at times. Still, she got some good storylines this season especially, like striking the deal with Lex's dad.

I'm glad Chloe's still around, too, even though the poor girl's gonna always be stuck pining for Clark... after everything he's been through with Lana, you'd think he'd realize Chloe would be a much better match.

The excellent-named Storm Bourbon writes:
"...Why is programming these channels so easy to Monday morning quarterback for the rest of us, and so hard for the people who get paid to do it?"

Never, in years of writing/speaking the truth, have you spoken truer words! (Unless maybe "...it's the TV actor version of an elephant graveyard." Daaaaaaaamn!) That question drives me crazier by the day. What the hell happened to running pilots in the off (summer) season, and gauging people's responses to them, rather than spending the entire summer endlessly plugging shows that'll get pulled within four airings because NO ONE CARES?! (I'm lookin' at YOU, NBC!) What happened to the marketing research they used to do? (I was an MR interviewer in the early 90's; the networks used to survey a LOT more, both Nielsen homes and non.) Why don't they read their own websites, much less yours, to find out what we want? Who invented liquid soap, and why?

Also, belated congratulations, and bright blessings, on the birth of your daughter. Happiness, and strength, to you and your wife, and a belated happy new year, too.

Make Mine Moviepoopshoot!

Ryall: I love the "Stan Lee" flourishes in your e-mail, from the opening Silver Surfer-like phrasing to the closing.

I'm still waiting for the new channel the CW to hire me as a programmer, so they can have a chance at making it. My phone doesn't seem to be ringing off the hook, though...

Tom A. writes:
40 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SUPER BOWL -- 8 PM, ESPN
#40: If you're the Buffalo Bills, how to win one. #34: If you're Peyton Manning, how to get into one; #22: If you're Janet Jackson, how to dress for one. Should I go on?

I dare you!

Ryall: What about #9, if you're an advertiser, how much of a waste of your annual ad budget a :30 spot really is, since no one's sober enough to remember 'em?

Tom C. writes: I'm pissed if this is true.. But I read that Teen Titans and JLU were cancelled by the Cartoon network.

Have you heard if this is true?

Both shows have been really good, and I can't see why they'd have cancelled either. What the hell?

Here's Paul Dini's quote on the matter:
"I did an on camera interview with [JLU writer-producer] Bruce [Timm], David (Jimmy Olsen) Kaufman, Glen Murakami and Alan Burnett last night for the next (and last) SUPERMAN DVD set. Afterwards we went to dinner where Glen confirmed the end of TITANS, and Bruce said pretty much the same about JLU. There has been some talk about the JLU episodes airing earlier in the states, but that was still being debated at Cartoon Network. I forgot to ask Bruce how my Supergirl episode came out. Maybe I can get a preview if I'm at WB any time soon.

I had heard people were getting more territorial with certain DC characters (no more Joker in JLU, for instance) but I didn't know the details. I knew two years ago when I left, that as heroes (and their villains) got snapped up in live movie options, it tended limited their appearances elsewhere."

Tom replies: Yeah, that's the quote I read on AICN, but you know they don't hit all their targets.

Ryall: You said it, I didn't...

I sure hope Teen Titans gets picked pack up... it is my kids' favorite show, but it IS fun to watch as an adult. JLU is also a work of art. They seem to be doing well, what the fuck?

Ryall: Well, amidst the bad news, the good: a new LEGION OF SUPERHEROES cartoon is in the works. So goodbye, Nightwing, hello Matter-Eater Lad!

Victoria M. writes: Hi I was wondering what Tom's sister (on love monkey) real name is and what other tv show or movie did I see her in. Also the singer "Wayne" is that his real voice or someone elses? Thank you very much.

Ryall: His sister is Katherine La Nasa. She was recently in ALFIE. And yeah, the singer is evidently this recent singer/songwriter discovery, so that's really him. Blanking on his name, but I know it's really his singing, anyway.

To paraphrase The Man, who says this isn't the Movie Poop Shoot Age of Serious Answers?

Be Stiller, My Heart

Ed. E. writes: No! No! A thousand times no! I consider Robin Williams to be our best actor and Ben Stiller to be...well, a person who's movies I wouldn't spend one minute wasted by watching. I'm one of the few people in America who didn't really like There's Something About Mary. In my opinion, he's an awful actor and every movie he's been in any way involved in has been soiled by his touch. When he's 'acting' in a movie, he's always the same bumbling idiot. How, oh how, did Stiller convince Robin Williams to be in one of his pieces of garbage?!? I will watch most anything that Robin Williams does but, sadly, I'll have to skip this one and hope for better future projects from him.

If anyone has any way at all to contact Mr. Williams or his 'people', please see if someone can't convince him to find a reason to get out of this debacle.

With apologies to all of those Stiller fans.

Ryall: I don't know... I'll agree that Stiller always plays the exact same character, and that Williams can be good, but I think this is his punishment for giving the world JACK, BEING HUMAN and PATCH ADAMS.

Idea and Design Wha-?

Louis W. writes: That's strange... I’d always thought that the name of your company was IDW – like India Delta Whiskey, but now I realize it must be 1DW…or else why would it come before the letter D in the alphabet?

Ryall: Actually, I started listing the weekly comics in order of quality, not alphabetically...

Ah I’m just busting your balls. I noticed it last week and was wondering if it was going to be a regular thing. I’m not complaining, it’s a perfectly appropriate use of power and I love the service. Actually since I missed the week Old Times came out and ended up only getting it last month (I assume you reprinted it) I’m really glad of a reminder to check IDW’s releases. Frankly, I’d probably skim over it otherwise being pretty much of a straight supers fan.

Ryall: Cool. That's like when a girl tells you that she didn't see you there because she's only into hot guys, but, you know, cool.

I look forward to seeing Tipton’s book next week. Great job on writer selection for the Spike line, they are the first Buffyverse books I’ve bought.

Ryall: And Tipton's first comic will be out in two short days from now.

A Slice of Fried Gold

"skaterox" writes: Shaun of the Dead toys!

Ryall: The Bubba Ho-Tep figure's pretty cool, too, but... where's Ed? How's Shaun supposed to kill zombies without Ed by his side (or, rather, off to the side, smoking and using his cell phone)?

Jonathan S. writes: I was at Borders tonight, and I read your adaptation of Shaun of the Dead. I liked it. It's well done.

Ryall: So Louis W. above doesn't read anything but superhero comics. And you read our stuff for free in the bookstore. And people don't understand why we're forced to charge a little bit more money for our comics...

That little bit aside... my book was in a Borders? That rules.

Obviously there are some sequences that really need audio to work, like Shaun walking like a Zombie when he wakes up, or the boys singing outside the Winchester with the zombie man. But you did what you could with the medium, and it was good.

Ryall: I'm not sure you're entitled to a critique until you pay for something, actually. Let me check the rules on that.

I liked the extra dialogue bits you put in too. They keep it fresh. I also liked the sequences that you added, foremost being Shaun's initial attempt to scale the building.

Ryall: You know, the zombie who noticed Shaun sneaking back to the Winchester is "zombie Ryall." I love the goofy cameos.

I noticed a couple of sequences that you either omitted or truncated...did they give you a page limit on the books, or was it done merely for pacing considerations?

Ryall: Well, I only had those four issues, and I really needed at least five to hit everything properly. I spent time up front with the talky scenes, since I felt those really set up who the characters were, and the conversations were much more memorable and quotable than the end. By the time I got to issue four, I was really cramped for space. The bit at the bar, and then especially the sequence where they get out and the military shows, was definitely truncated. But overall, I'm really happy with it. My first comic and first trade paperback/hardcover, so I'll always dig it.

Finale

Ryall: Anyone who doesn't normally read my column is recommended to do so today, since it announces some changes with the site and my (and Tipton's) involvement with it. A final MAIL SHOOT column from us will run in this space next week, but after that, the column, as well as my ONE HAND CLAPPING and TV RECOMMENDATIONS, Scott Bowden's KENTUCKY FRIED RASSLIN' and Scott Tipton's COMICS 101 column, will all be found elsewhere. Hope you all come along for the ride and keep things going as usual.

Photos of the Week

Ryall: For everyone dying to know what happened after SCARY MOVIE 3 ended (primarly, just Anna Faris' agent):

Ryall: Available tomorrow:

Easy Reader, Spidey, Letterman... ahh, good times.

Ryall: And for the kids (and/or Will Ferrell fans):

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