Good thing they got my “best side,” so to speak, because it was a VERY cold day and the Thunder Stick was “turtle-ing” somewhat. But trust me, ladies, old M.C. can still win a 3-legged race all by himself. . .know what I’m saying? But enough about me. . .

In the musical realm, we had a few releases of note during the last couple of weeks, namely the new ones from Morningwood and We Are Scientists, plus a smaller release from the band Bleeding Through. So, what do you say? Let’s have a look, shall we?

Artist: Morningwood Album: Morningwood Bastard Love Child of: The Pixies and the Divinyls Best for: Making you realize just how good the Pixies were. Not Good for: Urinating.

In stealing the name of my favorite, adolescent play thing, this band had a lot to live up to, in my opinion. And you know what? I think they come close. . .umm, no pun intended. Former and current fans of the Pixies should especially take note. Sure, this album is light and fluffy and packaged just right so that the TRL crowd will eat the shit up, but that doesn’t mean you can’t like it, too. Why is that, you say? Well, for starters, these “artsy-fartsy” kids from NY went out and nabbed the Pixies old producer, Gil Norton (Doolittle), to help fine tune their efforts. You see, I like to call this a “Smart Choice.”

The end product, including some re-mixes of earlier Morningwood songs, comes off as Pixies-lite (Same great taste AND less filling!). The male/female vocal tag team, dominated by Chantel Claret, the sexually-charged “butter-face,” works well in this new mix and these pop/punk songs are catchy as hell. The main single off the album, “Jetsetter,” is good, but I would recommend you check out the songs “Televisor” and “Nth Degree” to get a better feel for what the band has to offer.

Of course, I can’t honestly recommend the Morningwood album and not throw some props to the Pixies. If you are not familiar with their work, there is a relatively new collection (or, as I like to call them, "Greatest Hits") out there titled Wave of Mutilation-Best of Pixies that serves as the perfect primer to this band. I wouldn’t call this a definitive collection, but it is pretty damn good and a hell of a lot cheaper than buying all of the actual discs. If you just can’t bring yourself to buy the Morningwood disc due to your “MTV-issues,” pick this one up instead.

Artist: We Are Scientists Album: With Love and Squalor Bastard Love Child of: XTC and Hot Hot Heat Best for: Celebrating John Borwein by calculating pi to 100 billion decimal places.

Wow! Look at these guys! It’s Napoleon Dynamite, Merlin Olson and Sy Sperling from Hair Club for Men. To borrow from one of my all-time favorite movies, “these guys [sic] couldn’t get laid in a morgue.” Okay, maybe the one dude. . .but the other two? Holy crap! These guys look like the teaching assistants at Math Camp. Now, I’m not throwing stones in my own glass house here, but there are ugly people all over the place doing more with what little they have then these boys. Case in point: Paris Hilton. Come on guys. . .loose the porn-star mustache and the birth-control glasses, the Amish beard, that God-awful sweater and comb-over and have a little respect for yourselves. Good lord.

At any rate. . .where was I? Oh yeah, the music. So I guess the question here is: what happens when these three guys channel their OBVIOUS sexual frustrations into their music? Well, I’ll tell you. You get the “weird and witty pop” aesthetics of a group like XTC combined with the basic, catchy indie-rock of bands like Hot Hot Heat and the Killers. Or, in other words, you get some damn fine music.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I am fan of the new, indie-rock movement (the Killers, The Strokes, these guys, etc.) and this was an easy sell for me. But regardless, this album is just plain packed with catchy, rocking songs. I personally like the first single, “Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt,” and the single-ready tracks “It’s A Hit” and “The Great Escape.” If you are into this whole scene, it’s impossible to be disappointed with this disc. If your not, well. . .go check out Mariah’s latest. In fact, for you fans, here is something fun to do: take all of her album covers, put them into sequential order and flip through them really fast like you would a cartoon book. I swear, as God as my witness, it’s like watching Eddie Murphy change into Professor Klump. I shit you not.

Artist: Bleeding Through Album: The Truth Bastard Love Child of: Sepultura and Linkin Park Best for: Background music for your next “roid rage” when they give you the wrong dipping sauce for your McNugget. AAAARRRGGGHHH!

Yeah. . .ummm, so. . .do you kids like the deathmetal? Or the metalcore? Or whatever the hell they call it when the lead singer belches out a song in his best impersonation of Satan? Me? Not so much. Here’s why. I actually really like the heavier style of playing with the thumping, double-bass pedals and crunchy guitars. That isn’t my issue. Singing like a demonic Muppet is. It’s just plain silly. And it ALL sounds EXACTLY the same. What the hell is wrong with actually singing over this type of music?

According to Bleeding Through. . . apparently nothing. You see, these guys (and one keyboard playing girl. . .yeah, that’s right, keyboard) apparently realized somewhere along the way that most of their music was unmarketable shit. So, in order to make their next apartment payment, they decided to mix in some actual singing. Unfortunately, they didn’t mix in enough. The majority of Brandon Schieppati’s vocals are reminiscent of the sounds you hear yourself make at the porcelain throne after one-to-many Mojitos. Either end. You choose.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I didn’t completely dislike this CD. I was actually impressed with the instrumentation and I especially think that the drummer, Derek Youngsma, pounds the double-bass better than most. However, Tracks like “Kill To Believe,” “Dearly Demented” and “Return To Sender” are relatively indistinguishable from each other and the only stand out track is “Line In The Sand.” Funny thing, though. . .this is the one song that the hard-cores will absolutely detest because it is “radio-friendly.”

Can you believe it? A hard-core band made an honest to goodness, radio-friendly song. Bastards. Unless you are already a fan, skip this one. If you’re already a fan, skip the track “Line In The Sand.”

PROG ROCK III: REVENGE OF THE MULLET

Ahh. . .the topic that just won’t die. According to many of you out there, I apparently “missed” some selections in my Prog Rock primer. And to this I say, “No Shit? You mean to tell me that there is more to progressive rock than those 10 albums I listed? Get out!” Actually, as Triumph says, “I keed. I keed.” Most of you were very gracious and provided some additional and excellent choices. So, in the spirit of fairness, I thought that I would turn the discussion over to you, kindly readers.

Matt Rose writes in: “Another great article! Your recommendations for prog rock albums is spot on, though I'd add Pink Floyd's 'Animals' and Opeth's 'Blackwater Park' to that list. And for King's X, I'd put in 'Gretchen Goes to Nebraska'. For Radiohead, I think that 'The Bends' is their best, but I have no prob with 'OK Computer' being in there. Still, that list is an excellent primer for a neo prog-rocker.”

M.C.: Matt, you are a man-God. There’s a special place in heaven reserved for people like you. . .right between Mother Theresa and the dude that invented the FLOWBEE. Seriously, man. . .excellent recommendations.

Theron Neel writes: “I have THE addition to your list of the most influential prog rock albums. "In the Court of the Crimson King" by King Crimson. Released in 1969, it is arguably the first and most influential prog rock album ever released.”

M.C.: Correct me if I’m wrong here, but King Crimson. . .is that the movie starring John Goodman? Pretty sure it is. Again. . .nice call. Robert Fripp should ALWAYS be included in a discussion of progressive rock.

George Taylor chimes in: “If you like things a little on the heavier side too, you might want to check out Opeth. Also want to plug Porcupine Tree as another pseudo prog band well worth looking into.”

M.C.: Any friend of Swedish death-rock band Opeth is a friend of mine. You too, sir, shall receive a special place in heaven. Unfortunately, it’s in the back. . .next to the restrooms.

Bill Richardson writes, in what appears to by crayon. . .or blood: “Man you suck. A list progressive rock keepers not including Kansas (Leftoverture or Point of know return) is blasphemy, heresy, downright lame.”

M.C.: Sir, your command of the English language and your ability to proof-read is truly humbling. Also, thanks for sending along your picture. I loved your work on Fantasy Island.

Jason Drautz gives his two cents: “I think there was a typo in your column....somehow, Pink Floyd, Rush, Yes, and Queensryche were listed under "Progressive" instead of "Classic" rock.”

M.C.: Ahh. . .this is a common misconception. Much like your belief that hanging out in the Hello Kitty on-line chat room is “non-deviant behavior.” The label of progressive applies to the characteristics of the musical piece where the connotation “classic” is more indicative of a song’s timelessness and age. You see, music can be both progressive AND classic in the same way that you can be both a grown man AND hung like a pimple.

Well, sports fans, that is going to do it for this week. Until next time, keep playin’ it loud and wearin’ it proud. . .

Special thanks,again, to http://www.mulletsgalore.com/ for the sweet pictures of my BIFPIB brethren.

Send your gratuitous ass-shots, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001