I must say, unlike most years, I had an absolutely FANTASTIC spring break. Probably one of the best I have ever had. And the coolest part? No. . .it wasn’t doing body shots with Mandisa from American Idol. It was making new friends and sharing in their memories. Here’s a picture of some friends I met on the beach, Klaus, Rolph , Uli and Mathias. That’s me there. . .in the back. . .

You know? I had such an amazing time, I think I will head back to Mexico next year. After all, the beaches are fantastic, if not over-crowded with those damn kids selling Chiclets© or wanting to braid your hair, the tequila is stellar and there is a distinct shortage of young, rich, Danish males lurking about; so you know your chances of getting murdered and dumped in the ocean after drunken sex is relatively slim. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a DEFINITE plus. What? Too soon?

Tell you what, Klaus. . .if you and your friends decide to come back, too, I’ll buy you some mouthwash. Sound fair, my little sheisse-breathed freund? Gut.

But now, it’s time to get back to work. This week, we will be checking out the latest from the director-formerly-known-as Rob Zombie, the new disc from an old “Ben Folds Five” member, Darren Jesse’s Hotel Lights, and the Editors; plus, a concert review for one of my all time favorite bands. So. . .what do you say? Let’s get to it, shall we?

Artist: Rob Zombie Album: Educated Horses Bastard Love Child of: Alice Cooper and Satan. Best for: Helping you to forgive Rob for making House of 1000 Corpses.

So. . .the first question I have is: How in the hell did Rob Zombie, pictured here looking like the guy asking you for change at the I-70 off-ramp, land Sheri Moon, pictured here looking. . .umm, really hot? My guess. . .?

Either way, good for you, Rob. I like to see a brother striking a blow for the ugly man. Gives one hope. Second question I have to ask is: What kind of messed up childhood did you have there, Mr. Zombie? Seriously. Ever see House of 1000 Corpses? Or, maybe it wasn’t a tormented childhood that created Rob Zombie and made him the man that he is today. . .maybe it was his time as a production assistant on PeeWee’s Playhouse. Hi Jambi! Hi Chairy! Watcha doing in the bathroom there, Pee Wee!? Pee Wee?

To whoever/whatever scarred you, Rob, let me be the first to say “Thanks!” Now, let me be honest with you. . .I am a huge fan of Rob Zombie. That being said, I was not overly thrilled when I heard that Rob was stripping down his sound and dropping the electronic elements in favor of a more traditional “metal” sound. Rob Zombie without sampling? Hell, that’s like Cinemax without soft-core. What’s left? In Rob’s case, apparently a lot. Forgive me, Mr. Zombie. I never should have doubted you. My penance? How about having to watch House of 1000 Corpses again

For starters, the sound of this album is NOT a vast departure from Zombie’s previous work. The new disc was produced by the same guy who helped Zombie (as well as Metallica and Motley Crue) crank out Hellbilly Deluxe and The Sinister Urge, Scott Humphrey, so you had to figure that the sound wasn’t going to change all that much. Most importantly, the elements that make Zombie interesting, namely his ability to mix metal with “danceable” beats, remain the focus of Educated Horses. Think Hellbilly Deluxe, sans the sampling and loops, and you’ll get a good idea of what this new disc has to offer. Oh, a couple more things. . .the “industrial” instrumentation of the past is replaced here with booming, acoustic drums and buzzing guitars and sprinkled here and there, you will find some interesting and intimate piano and string arrangements (yes, you are reading that correctly).

So, ignore the fact that iTunes downgraded Rob Zombie’s musical categorization for this album from “Metal” to “Rock.” Silly iTunes. If you are fan, this album is more than worth it. The disc, even though it is relatively short, is loaded with solid songs (WAY more than The Sinister Urge) with the album highlights being “The Scorpion Sleeps,” “Foxy, Foxy,” “The Devil’s Rejects” and “Let It All Bleed Out.”

Rating: 4 out of 5

Artist: Hotel Lights Album:Hotel Lights Bastard Love Child of: Ben Folds and Travis Best for: Realizing that Dave Grohl wasn’t the only talented drummer over-shadowed by a talented front man.

Before we get started with this one, let me just say that yes, I know that this album came out in early March. I missed it. Jesus. . .get off my back already! So, why review it now? Simple. This album is absolutely AMAZING and I feel a burning need to tell you about it. Of course, that burning could also be the result of this weekend’s “bender,” where I woke up in an unknown motel room wearing nothing but pasties and a goatee that I didn’t grow.

If you are anything like me, and I’m sure you are, right about now, you are probably saying “Why would someone name a band ‘Hotel Lights?’” Good question, sparky. Here is a little quote I was able to dig up from founding member, Darren Jessee, former drummer for Ben Folds Five:

"...when you see hotel lights in the distance you feel like 'yeah, I'm almost there', but when you stand in the bathroom and turn on the hotel lights, they are fluorescent and you see every scar." -Darren Jessee

Holy crap, Darren. . .sounds like Ben messed you up pretty good, eh? Seriously, Darren, tell me. . .do you have to cut yourself sometimes to let the darkness out?

As I just mentioned, Hotel Lights is the creation of former Ben Fold’s drummer, Darren Jesse, who actually got his song writing start while playing for Ben. That’s right, friends, Darren is the man responsible for the mega-hit “Brick” and, my personal favorite, “Magic” from The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner (Highly Recommended!). With this new band, Darren takes a more melancholy approach to song writing by over-laying his catchy melodies with heartfelt, angst riddled lyrics. Yes, you guessed it. NOT an album to play at your next rave. However, this IS the perfect album to have on in the car, or as background music for your next romantic encounter, or for when you feel the need to cut yourself to let the darkness out.

To round out the band and flush out his sound, Darren added former Archers of Loaf drummer Mark Price, producer/guitarist Al Weatherhead, Roger Gupton on bass and Chris Badger on keyboards. Together, these guys have managed to craft some low key, but incredibly impressive songs that I would argue hold up better than anything Ben Folds Five ever accomplished. This is a solid disc throughout, but the best song, and first single, “A.M. Slow Golden Hit,” is mesmerizing. I also really dig “Miles Behind Me,” “I Am A Train,” the Dylan-esque “Stumblin’ Home Winter Blues” and “What You Meant,” a song that blends acoustic guitar and synthesizer to great effect.

This is truly one of the best, albeit mellow, discs to come out this year, so far, hands down. Pick yourself up a copy.

Rating: 5 out of 5

Artist: Editors Album: The Back Room Bastard Love Child of: Echo and the Bunnymen and Joy Division. Best for:Helping preserve the notion that the British have absolutely NO sense of humor.

If you’ve read any of my past columns, you know that I am, generally, a huge fan of British bands. In fact, you can say that I am all over the British music scene like Martina Navratilova on a tuna fish sandwich. So, needless to say, I was pretty excited to get my greasy mitts on a copy of The Back Room, the new release from the Editors, the hottest band in England outside of the Arctic Monkeys and, I believe, the “Next Beatles.” Just joking.

But after listening to this new disc, it is becoming alarmingly apparent that at the British School of Rock, there are only two classes available for aspiring young artists: Ripping Off The Clash 100 and Stealing From Joy Division 101. (I’m betting they also used to offer Ripping Off Oasis, but people stopped taking it once they found out that it was the same course material as Ripping Off The Beatles.) For crying out loud, people, how about a little more variety? Every damn album from a British band that I have listened to of late has fallen into one of these two categories and I gotta admit, I’m getting a bit tired and frustrated by all of it. Not as tired and frustrated as a water head trying on a turtle neck, but awful damn close.

Now, in this particular case, you have the Editors, especially vocalist Tom Smith, doing their best to channel Ian Curtis and the rest of the Joy Division gang. Admittedly, the Editors rock a bit harder than their predecessors but otherwise, it’s pretty much text book Joy Division. Haunting melodies? Check. A brooding baritone singer? Check. Tortured lyrics? Check. The album is far from bad, but the only “great” song on the disc is the one that is getting, and will continue to get, all the airplay, the first U.S. single, “Munich.” I know that in the U.K., the singles “Blood” and “Bullets,” both did well, but I don’t see them playing the same way on this side of “the pond.” It’s a shame, too. I really had high hopes for this one.

Long story short, if you are a fan of Joy Division or Interpol, give these guys a shot. I guarantee you will not be disappointed. If you’re looking for something new and fresh, steer clear. Of course, if you want new and fresh, you can also steer clear of Pink’s new album. I think it’s called Ugly Skank. Or I’m a Talent-less Crack Whore. I forget which.

Rating: 3 out 5

THE BEST BAND YOU VAGUELY REMEMBER. . .

Well, hell. . .it appears I’ve created a bit of a monster. No, I’m not talking about the remnants of last night’s chalupa dinner that I just deposited in the porcelain throne. I’m talking about last week’s reader submitted review of the Dream Theater show here in Denver. For crying out loud. . .you post one guy’s barely coherent, homo-erotic, post-ejaculatory comments about his favorite band putting on a kick ass show and all of sudden my email server is crashing under the constant assault of would-be concert reviewers. Most of the reviews I received were for random concerts (and one TV show. . .WTF??) in random cities and involved bands that I either a) have never heard of, or b) don’t give a shit about. However, one of these random reviews actually caught my attention. The reason for that is simple. . .it involved one of my all time favorite bands and was for a show that I also attended, Dada.

Dada is an amazing, 3-piece band from California largely known for their stellar live shows, incredible harmonies and one of the most underrated guitarists in history, Michael Gurley. That’s him there in the cowboy hat. Of course, the other two guys are no slouches, either. Joey Calio is a decent bass player with a phenomenal voice and Phil Leavett is an accomplished drummer who fills his down-time playing with the Blue Man Group. These guys have cranked out 5 studio albums, plus a couple of solo side projects (Butterfly Jones, most notably), over their career and are actually getting ready to release their 6th studio album sometime this summer. But I gotta tell you. . .as good as these guys are on disc, they are 10 times better live.

One more thing. . .these guys were responsible for one of the biggest hits of the early ‘90’s, Dizz Knee Land. Remember that one? The “I just flipped off President George” one? Yeah, thought you might.

So, there’s a little background. Now, let’s see what Tom Lange of Longmont, CO thought of their recent Denver appearance. . .

One of the better three piece acts I had seen, dada was in town for a gig at the Fox Theater. As was the case the first time I had seen them in 2003, their performance was energized and inspired. This is a band that has written and recorded some great hook-laden melodic songs over the last 14 years. Their live performances are tight with all three performers taking turns playing some amazing solos. I've always enjoyed their harmonies and it was apparent from their enthusiasm that these guys still enjoy playing live and do it very well.

Then again there's always the State Fair Circuit.

Wow, nice back-handed complement there, Tom. “They’re great in concert, but their new stuff is shit.” I will readily admit, their first 3 albums (Puzzle, American Highway Flower and El Subliminos) are classics in my book, but I would hardly say that their newer material eats ass like a small guy in prison, or Marv Albert. I recommend that you check out the last two studio albums, Dada Four and their last disc, How To Be Found, which was released in 2004. While not as good as their earlier work, How To Be Found is a solid rocker and is still better than a lot of the music floating around out there.

In regards to the concert, I agree. . .it rocked, sounded great and even though the crowd was small (roughly 300 people), they were energetic and rowdy. The band was exceptionally tight, probably from the rehearsals for the new album, and the song selection did EXACTLY what it was supposed to. . .cater to the hard core fans that go to Dada shows for the sole purpose of hearing the “classics.” Overall, I thought it was a damn fine show. . .not the best I’ve seen, but damn fine.

For the rest of you folks out there, I can’t recommend these guys enough. If you get a chance, check them out live. Otherwise, pick up the discs, if you can find them. If you like good, guitar driven rock, you’re gonna love these guys.

AND NOW, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. . .

I really, really wanna now what you guys and gals are listening to out there. And no, I’m not talking about the type of "listening" you do late at night as your roommate gives his girlfriend the Texas Tornado and she's barking like a Chihuahua. I’m talking music. If I had to guess, I’d say lots and lots of Clay. But hey, you know what they say about assuming. . .it makes an ass out of you. . .something, something. So shoot me an email and let me know what floats your boat? What song creams your Twinkie? What band spanks your ass and calls you Geraldo? I’m dying to hear.

Well, friends, I'm afraid that it's time to wrap it up. Until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

Send your spring break pictures, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

Special thanks go out to http://www.the-scoop-news.com/ for their Carrot Top fetish.