By Chris Ryall
June 2002
DINNER FOR SIX
All I wanted was a sandwich. Really, I hadn't eaten all day, and I was starving.
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| Big Boss Smith |
Yesterday, I'm driving over to Big Boss Smith's house to drop off the first official Poop Shoot t-shirt for him to wear on Leno tomorrow night. I know he's going to talk about his new Marvel comic, but hey, there's always time to flash the shirt while Jay's batting his eyes at Kevin Eubanks after a joke, right?
We talk a bit, about the site and how it looks and what's been going on and what tweaks we'll continue to make until the place is as perfect as anything called Poop ever was. And Kevin offers lunch, so we hop in the car and head out. Now, not only does a large Gay Pride Parade in West Hollywood ("WeHo" to, well, practically no one) slow us down considerably [ASIDE: due to the extra traffic, not because we were in the parade], but Kevin's phone keeps ringing and ringing. It was a microcosm of what his every day must be like. It was keeping us further from our/my goal of FOOD.
It was...Peter Billingsley on the other end of the phone?
It seems our CHRISTMAS STORY baby's all grown up now, and serves as producer on Jon Favreau's Independent Film Channel show, DINNER FOR FIVE. It seems tonight is the taping for the second season's premiere (set to air in December), and it's to feature the cast of DAREDEVIL, in which Favreau co-stars.
Michael Clarke Duncan was a last-minute cancellation, so who else are you going to go to when you need to fill Duncan's shoes?
Kevin Smith, of course. I'm not sure if it's the similarly stentorian voices or the hulking presence both men convey, but the fact is, lunch at the Ivy was off. It was enough to just make it back to the house, where the plan was to order in some Thai food and then tag along with Kevin to the taping.
I can report that exactly half that plan came to pass.
Food-deprived, I listened to Kevin's comments about the site, although they sounded very far away compared to the roaring of my stomach in my ears. It was suddenly 4:00. We were to meet at the restaurant at 5:30, and it was none to close to Chez Smith. Which meant no Thai food.
We part, I run home to change in order to meet at the restaurant in time. But still, the show is called DINNER FOR FIVE. The entire premise is that Favreau gathers four other people and they sit and chat over a meal. It's beautiful in its simplicity, and past shows have really featured some great conversations. This one didn't look to be lacking in that area, either, with folks like Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Colin Farrell and Smith joining Favreau at the table.
So we have a show all about eating, and it's to take place at L.A. Farm restaurant, a cozy little place in Santa Monica that's like L.A. chic-meets-WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. The odds were pretty good that even the green room would be overrun with succulent dishes, right?
Changing clothes and over-dressing for a guy who's just hanging in the back, I head over. I beat Kevin there, since I'm now coming barely 2 miles from home and he's across town. I sit in my car for a while, but after numerous stares from grips, I head in.
I'm brought to the green room, where everyone is more than gracious. My eyes wander over and hit a tray of crucifers, broccoli and cauliflower and dip. Okay, yeah, great. Now...where were the pot stickers?
"Crap table's through there," I'm told, in case I choose not to choke down oddly shaped vegetables. While the sales pitch could use some work, still, the allure of "crap" (I DO work on a site called Poop, after all) is too much, so I wander over and find Goobers, donuts and Famous Amos cookies. Hmm. Dinner must be on its way.
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| Jennifer Garner |
I head back to the green room, which is also doubling as the makeup room, and I grab a MAD magazine and admire the
fact that Mort Drucker's still working on it. As I sit there, the show's guests start walking in. First up, Jennifer Garner. It's weird, but somehow, even in a town of beautiful people, the real stars instantly stand out. Not just by appearance, but...presence, maybe. I'm not here to bother anyone, so I say hi, she says hi, and she moves to get makeup done.
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| Colin Farrell |
Then a reason to wonder why my Irish roots didn't produce the same result as his walks in-Colin Farrell. I will do my damnedest here to talk only about the guests on the show and not, say, Colin's sister. Because that could be a whole column in itself. You know how lots of women talk about how hot Colin is? Well, his sister...yeah, I could write sonnets to Claudia. But instead, I'll try to work my way to some sort of point and just say that she was a sweet, stunning woman.
To give equal time, man, Colin's a good-looking guy, too, even with the head still shorn from his role as Bullseye. And more, he's cool. Not in the sense of a guy trying too hard, but rather, as a guy who's just out to do his thing. Half the time spent before the show began was spent on "Where's Colin?" While they're trying to get his unshaven face into makeup, he's out front smoking and having a beer. And that deep Irish brogue...yeah, it was fortunate the girlfriend wasn't there for this. A really nice guy, too. He came over to me and said hi, we talked for a few minutes. Really, the type of character you hope will remain unaffected by his sudden celebrity.
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| Jon Favreau |
Favreau came through, to say hi to everyone, too, and we also talked for a
few minutes. More to the point, I got "Foggy Nelson" to agree to do some
sort of piece for the site, too. He'd already agreed in theory a couple
days ago in a conversation with site contributor Michael Dequina, but here
he was making the offer himself.
Kevin arrives, followed shortly by Affleck. Ben's bigger than I would have expected, and damn, but he just looks like a movie star, even with the fading red hair from the DAREDEVIL shoot. Everyone is joking about a NATIONAL ENQUIRER sitting on the table, with more unfounded Ben-J-Lo rumors. This doesn't make Ben too happy, so of course Farrell ribs him even more about the story.
The crew heads in to their table. The bartender, who's serving drinks and food on the show, asks me if I'm hungry. I wonder if the sound of my stomach lining rapidly consuming itself prompted the question. I utter a food-deprived "yes," and he says, "Good, the chef is great here." I say, "Oh, we get to eat?" and he says yes, of course, you order off the menu and [he] brings it to me. Now, this sounds perfect, but I come to learn that he thought I was on the show. No soup for me.
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| Ben Affleck |
The first hour of the show, we have a monitor but no audio feed, so we can only see what the conversation's like from everyone's facial expressions. Kevin looks to be holding court in places, while also trying to beat Farrell in the Great Smoke-Off. Not a lot can be heard, other than the occasional laugh, but it does appear that, for this first part, Jennifer Garner doesn't get as involved in the conversation as some of the others. I notice a large glass of wine soon brought out to her.
We all sit in the back and talk and try to read lips. Which we manage to do toward the end of the first part, when we all note that Kevin's talking to Ben and saying something about Mad Pussy. Ben takes a lot of crap throughout the night about his perceived prowess with the women. Which, in the scheme of things, is not the worst problem to be accused of, when it comes right down to it.
The cast takes a break, and during this time, we get the audio feed working. I'm in the bathroom where Favreau is making sure that Ben's not getting too hammered by all of this talk. He's fine with it, but me, I'm feeling a little ghoulish overhearing this stuff and wondering if I should mention it the next day. Hey, suddenly I'm the press!
The show starts back up, and this time, it's a machine-gun fire of conversations. It's like an episode of SPORTS NIGHT, with everyone talking over and around each other, but the talk is definitely fun to listen to. Farrell...he's not exactly the easiest person to understand when he lowers his voice and talks through a cigarette and beer, but he is really funny. I'm not sure how many of his comments will make it into the show, but some of his celebrity comments made us laugh, made his sister blush and will no doubt make the editors work overtime. Between he and Smith's candid conversations, the outtakes of this particular episode are probably going to be more interesting than the show itself.
Toward the end, three hours and many tiny little carrot sticks later, the conversation focuses more on each guest, and they discuss their craft.
Affleck likens winning the Oscar to that moment right before you run a red light and get into an accident, and he goes on to praise his brother Casey as one of the more pure talents working today. Farrell describes Steven Spielberg as "the coolest nerd on the planet," and even does a quick and solid impersonation of the director he described as brilliant to work with.
The show wrapped after three hours, so it was close to ten and I was still thinking about 12 hours without food. Watching the show was a good time, but by then, all the carrot sticks in the world couldn't help me, so I walked out with Kevin and left, planning my own dinner for one. Look for the season premiere of DINNER FOR FIVE in December, and catch episodes of the current season Monday nights at 8 p.m. on IFC.
Chris Ryall
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