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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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ONE HAND CLAPPING

By Chris Ryall

May 30, 2005

TV Pilot Overview

It’s Memorial Day, and as such, a short’un this week. Not that I’m skimping, exactly—rather, I’m sparing you from Chris overkill. See, in addition to my weekly TV Recommendations and replying to reader mails alongside Scott Tipton in our weekly Mail Shoot, it’s also that time of year again when I sit through all the debut episodes of the upcoming Fall ’05 network shows and give you my TV Pilot Review, too. Three years ago, I liked NBC’s KINGPIN and PUSH, NEVADA (oops); two years ago, it was ABC’s KAREN SISCO and Fox’s ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (better). Last season, not only did I tell you how bad QUINTUPLETES was, but I also pushed hard for little shows called LOST and ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (My best so far, but I also liked THE OFFICE, didn’t see any need for FATHER OF THE PRIDE or HAWAII, and even dug UPN’s KEVIN HILL). Everything’s Archived, too.

Now this year, the big questions are, will the sitcom make a comeback? WILL FATHOM or any of the other LOST-inspired shows stand on their own? Will Jason Lee make the transition to TV? Will Jennifer Love Hewitt ever land on a show that works again? And should I even bother watching the pilot with Shannen Doherty considering she’s already been replaced (about this one, I think I’ll pass on it, since there are more than enough to keep me occupied).

So, with all of those shows to discuss, I think that column running on Tuesdays when it runs, will most likely alternate with this one. There will no doubt be weeks when both run, but four weekly columns from me has got to be more than anyone wants to see, and it’s also more than I’ll be able to maintain if I hope to have any degree of quality at all.

Tomorrow’s first TV Pilot Review will appear in the form of a look at Jason Lee’s aforementioned show, MY NAME IS EARL. I’ll hold the real feedback until tomorrow, but suffice it to say that if every new show is as good as this one (they’re not—I’m looking at you already, Denise Richards) we’re in for a solid TV year.


Oh, What a Tangled Webcomic We Weave

Yes, I know it’s been about a year or so since we’ve had consistently new webcomic content all five days of the week. But we’re about to—maybe even six over the five days, for a while. You’ve no doubt noticed one new strip running on Thursdays, Enchanted Mayhem, and now, starting this Wednesday will be another new comic, Lifelike, more of a slice-of-life (or something close to that) than we’ve had here before. The first arc, written as all of them will be by Dara Naraghi, will feature art by Tom Williams, an award-winning artist and illustrator of Oni Press’s NO DEAD TIME. On both of these, I’d love to know what you think.

In addition, Jeffrey Stevenson and Seth Damoose continue their weekly double shot of Spook’d (on Mondays) and Brat-Halla (on Tuesdays), Frank Gibson swears Action Datsun will be back soon, and you’ve already seen that Mills and Staton are back rolling on Femme Noir. These guys all do a great job maintaining a weekly (or thereabouts) schedule on these strips, and since they’re paid in feedback, I’d encourage everyone to drop them, or me, a line and offer up whatever comments you have from week to week. In the nearly three years we’ve been doing this site, there’ve been consistently good comics here (he said, a bit biased), so if you agree, or disagree, feel free to let your voice be heard. We love hearing from you on these non-FAMILY GUY sorts of things.


The “I Got the Poop Shoot Blues” Contest Winners

  • Dan Hunnel:
    Livin' with this woman, who don't see that I don't see
    all the cleanin' and the messin'
    that she keeps pushin' on to me...

    Thinkin' that if she gets
    a little louder that I'll change,
    not knowin' that she's 'round about
    to trigger my 'derange'!

    give me strength, lord...
    remind me 'bout that silver linin'
    lyin' ahind each grumblin' cloud...
    restrain my strength, lord...
    I don't need to hit the low points
    or the reckless bars and gin joints,
    to catch and hold that life of gold
    that we're aworkin' toward...

    I'm an easy-goin' man
    who us'ally has a grin
    and a knack for solvin' problems
    and makin' chords that 'spin'

    but she paints me in a corner
    and frames me at a loss, not
    knowin' that we're gonna hafta have
    a playoff, to see who's boss

    give me strength, lord...
    remind me 'bout that silver linin'
    lyin' 'hind each grumblin' cloud...
    restrain my strength, lord...
    I don't need to hit the low points
    or the reckless bars and gin joints,
    to 'member that life of glory
    that we're aworkin' toward...

  • J.J. Merrif:
    The "I'm Making 6.25 an Hour Stocking Groceries all Summer when All I Want to Do is be Home Playing Guitar So I Can One Day Jam with Robert Cray" Blues

  • Raymond Neal:
    The Family Guy's Back Box Set Blues

    Well, I got the Family Guy's back blues
    Come from deep down in my soul

    I got the Family Guy's back blues
    Come from deep down in my soul

    My TV's been took over
    By that fatman once again
    Thought he was gone forever
    But he's found his way back in

    Got them kids a-watchin reruns
    While get stoned late at night
    KIDS are watchin reruns
    While they get stoned late at night

    Well, they wanted to get buzzed all day
    So they went and bought the box set
    So many kids need their reefer
    They bought a WHOLE damn box set
    OH they couldn't just tape it
    They had to buy the DVD (Oh mercy me!)

  • Anthony Hoffman:
    I got “The Blues Record Buying Public is Limited to About 50,000 People (So if I’m Lucky my Complete Recordings Will Sell Almost as Many Copies as Usher Does in Four Hours) Blues.”

    Count me in as one of the 50,000.

  • Tom A. writes:
    Ain't Got No Blues, Blues.


    In Two Weeks: BATMAN BEGINS, and the AFI's Lifetime Achievement Award for George Lucas

    /chris

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  • Addicted to Bad
    by Patrick Keller

    International Intrigue
    by Alison Veneto

    Nocturnal Admissions
    by D.K. Holm

    Strange Impersonation
    by Kim Morgan

    Trailer Park
    by Christopher Stipp




    New DVD Releases
    for April 11, 2006

    DVD Diatribe
    by D.K. Holm

    DVD Late Show
    by Christopher Mills




    Preachin' from the Longbox
    by Britt Schramm

    Should It Be a Movie?
    by Marc Mason

    New Comic Book Releases
    for April 12, 2006, 2006




    New CD Releases
    for April 11, 2006

    Music for the Masses
    by M.C. Bell




    TV Recommendations
    Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

    Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
    by Scott Bowden

    TV Pilot Review Archives
    by Chris Ryall



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