By Chris Ryall
December 12, 2005
The Year That Was, Part 1 of 2: Wherein Chris Ryall looks back at every month of 2005, offering awards for the good and bad pop culture moments in each of the twelve. Up first, January to June.
JANUARY
Movies
The “I Hope Comic Book Movies Can Return from the Dead Just Like the Character Jen Garner Played in This One” Award: ELEKTRA. My congrats to the new mom who played the title character and all but… whew. Thank Stan we didn’t all have to trade in the immensely superior Frank Miller source material to see this movie. Because now I can go back and re-read the good stuff and force the memory of this from my head.
The “Are You Lookin’ For ME?” Award: Robert DeNiro, for his twin career-killings in MEET THE FOCKERS and HIDE AND SEEK. Bobby D, you used to care about your craft, man. And we used to care about your movies.
TV
The “Maybe Scripts Aren’t Overrated” Award: HBO’s UNSCRIPTED.
The “Kissing Up to the Boss, Eh?” Award: Kevin’s solidly acted guest-spots on DEGRASSI HIGH: THE NEXT GENERATION
Music
The “I Doubt Your Drunk Ass Is Ever Wide Awake in the Morning, But Your CD Was Impressive, Anyway” Award: BRIGHT EYES’ I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning, the more impressive of his twin releases. Even more interesting was the iTunes only track, “When the President Talks to God.” Sure, it was a protest song from an early-20s point of view, and full of all the annoyances that early-20s statements always contain, but it was good to see a young artist speak his mind and have a point of view more than just hangin’ with Wilmer Vilderaama.
Comics
The “False Hope for Comic Fans” Award: Peter David, for his return to THE HULK… for only a few months. Nothing like bringing back a fan favorite only to force a huge crossover into his stories and then drop him for yet another crossover story. You can go home again, but sometimes the new residents make the living arrangements pretty uncomfortable.
The “No Way Would I Ever Buy Another LSH Comic… Unless Mark Waid Wrote It” Award: Mark Waid and Barry Kitson’s excellent LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES revival. Really, did anyone think it’d be this good?
The “You’ll Be Missed, and Remembered, Forever” Award: Will Eisner, who passed on January 3, 2005
Books
The “Great Books II” Award: Roger Ebert’s THE GREAT MOVIES II. Here’s hoping there’re enough good movies to give Roger a third volume, too.
The “One More Book I Don’t Have Time For” Award: Nick Hornby’s THE POLYSYLLABIC SPREE, which catalogues Hornby’s columns about the number of books he buys, and the smaller number he has time to read, every month
FEBRUARY
Music
The “Did I Just Buy a Disco CD? And Like It?” Award: LCD Soundsystem. Can’t quite listen to it all the way through, but then again, who does that any more, anyway?
The “No Sophmore Slump” Award: KINGS OF LEON’s Aha Shake Heartbreak
Comics
The “Best Last Issue of a Book That’s Better Than It Has Any Right to Be” Award: SHE-HULK #12. Dan Slott is Marvel’s secret weapon, and one of the few guys making comics fun again.
The “Two Reasons Not to Totally Give Up on Avengers After ‘Avengers: Disassembled’ Award:” Allan Heinberg’s YOUNG AVENGERS and Joe Casey’s EARTH’S MIGHTIEST HEROES
The “It’s Probably Good, If I Read All of the Assorted Connected Issues” Award: SEVEN SOLDIERS. Great idea, and good execution, but whew, who could possibly keep up with all of this? This is why trade paperbacks were invented.
DVDs
The “Commentary Tracks Are Even Worse Than You’d Imagine… and I Imagined They’d Be Pretty Bad” Award: THE BRADY BUNCH: SEASON ONE
MARCH
Movies
The “Faithful Comic Book Movies Can Actually Be Good?” Award: SIN CITY. Let’s hope it rubs off.
The “You’ve Tainted Not Only The Book, But The First Movie As Well” Award: BE COOL
TV
Music
The “I Don’t Know What You’re Saying But I Like How You’re Saying It” Award: THE MARS VOLTA’s Frances the Mute
The “Apart, You’re Good, But Together, You Could Be So Much Better” Award: QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE’s Lullabies to Paralyze and NICK OLIVERI’s Demolition Day. Now make up already, go grab Mark Lanegan and make the best music of your careers again.
The “Take One Part ‘Odelay’ and One Part “Mutations’ And End Up Lesser Than Both” Award: BECK’s Guero. I never quote bought into the “Beck has an identity crisis” talk until this unfocused disc, full of great moments and some pretty blah moments, too. Maybe the Guerolito remix CD will help get my enthusiasm back up for it.
The “Not a Relic Yet” Award: BILLY IDOL’s Devil’s Playground. It’ll never top any critics’ lists, but then again, Billy never did. And he’s the better for it.
Comics
The “Imagine How Much People Would Like It If It Ever Came Out on Time” Award: ULTIMATE IRON MAN. You’re decent, but not worth the wait between issues. Still, the blue suit was a nice touch.
APRIL
Movies
The “Actually Worse Than the Crappy Movie It Was Based On” Award: THE AMITYVILLE HORROR remake
TV
The “End of Good TV Miniseries Is Near” Award: REVELATIONS. Between this, and later in the year, THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, how could anyone care about “event” miniseries any more? Multiple nights of being let down is too much of a “fool me once, shame on you…” scenario for me. When even made-for-TV disasters let you down, what hope is there?
Comics
The “Comic Darwin Award for the Stupidest Death” Award: Blue Beetle’s death in DC’s COUNTDOWN TO INFINITE CRISIS. Only because I’m not sure if the even-stupider death of Hawkeye in AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED happened in ’04 or ’05.
The “Dan Slott Should Be Given the Keys to Marvel’s Kingdom” Award: Dan Slott, for making even GREAT LAKES AVENGERS a great read. That’s two mentions for Dan Slott, those of you who need multiple reasons to go check out his work. His THE THING is reason number three.
The “Phil Jimenez Should Write Himself Some Pages With Less Than 12 Panels”
Award: OTHER WORLD, a good book but one overcrowded with small panels. Your amazingly detailed work deserves a chance to breathe a bit, Phil. I’d blame the writer for not playing to your strengths if you weren’t he.
The “You’ve Had a Target On Your Head For a While Now” Award: HUMAN TARGET, a perennially low-selling but very entertaining comic. Sad to see it go.
Books
The “Back-Patting Oneself” Award: Me, and Scott Tipton, who got our first published bit of prose in SUPERHEROES AND PHILOSOPHY. 30,000+ sales thus far, yo.
MAY
Movies
The “Taking the High Ground” Award: STAR WARS EPISODE III: THE REVENGE OF THE SITH, which may not have been a perfect movie but nevertheless brought back one last time that old feeling from childhood when the lights went down and the Lucasfilm logo came up
Music
The “How Many Discs Can He Release in 12 Months?” Award, Part 1: RYAN ADAMS’ Cold Roses. The answer has three parts, beating out BRIGHT EYES and SYSTEM OF A DOWN.
The “Still Not Fully Realizing the Talent Involved” Award: AUDIOSLAVE’s Out of Exile. The parts are there. The whole… not so much.
The “Double-Disc Release Still Left Me Wanting More” Award: EELS’s Blinking Lights and Other Revelations. EELS releases just don’t happen often enough.
The “Gimme More” Award: SPOON’s Gimme Fiction
The “Imagine How Good the Show Would’ve Been If Mark Lanegan and Nick Oliveri Were Still A Part of Things” Award to QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, who put on a great live show despite the glaring absence of these two former members
Comics
The “Finally, the Defenders Are Intentionally Funny” Award: Mark Millar’s THE ULTIMATES #6, one of the more amusing reads all year. He made me like the Defenders for the first time ever,
The “In Brightest Day” Award: GREEN LANTERN’s relaunch
JUNE
Movies
The “Not Even Joel Schumacher Could Keep a Good Bat Down” Award: BATMAN BEGINS. ELEKTRA, please take notes on how to use Frank Miller’s stories in the right way.
The Not Just for the Birds” Award: MARCH OF THE PENGUINS. Now if only someone would tell Bob Saget that mocking these kinds of movies is funny around the house, but not deserving of big-screen release.
Music
The “Nice Effort, Except for That Friggin’ ‘Doorbell’ Song” Award: THE WHITE STRIPES’ Get Behind Me Satan
The “Nirvana Was just Holdin’ Him Back” Award: FOO FIGHTERS’ In Your Honor. A bit bloated, but if anyone ever deserved to do the bloated, double-disc release, it’s Dave Grohl.
Comics
The “Slice of Fried Gold” Award: SHAUN OF THE DEAD #1, the first comic I’ve ever written that was actually published, a great feeling for a lifelong comic fan.
The “No More Crossovers” Award: HOUSE OF M #1. I’m sure there were more parts to this book, but I sure wasn’t reading.
The "Yeah, You're Friends, We Get It" Award: Awarded to any number of comics where the writer names a character after one of his comic-writing friends. Nothing takes me out of a story faster than seeing "Dr. Heinberg," "Lt. Mack," "Professor Bendis," or others used in the story. Whatever happened to naming characters after your fans or kids from elementary school? The back-patting has gotten so out of control, I half-expect to find out that Peter Parker's middle name is "Kirkman."
Books
The “How to Be Better Than Your Last Book” Award: Nick Hornby’s A LONG WAY DOWN, a much better read than Hornby’s last, HOW TO BE GOOD
The “Most Literate Novel About Comics” Award: Humberto Eco’s THE MYSTERIOUS FLAME OF QUEEN LOANA. Made the things seem positively literate.
The “Aren’t Nine Good Books Enough to Merit One Movie?” Award: F. Paul Wilson’s ninth Repairman Jack novel, INFERNAL. A movie adaptation has been in the works for a decade. It could work. Make it happen.
Next Time: July through December
/chris
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