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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

PERFECT PITCH

By David Thomas

April 6, 2004

Pick Of The Week

EYEDEA & ABILITIES, E & A (Epitaph)

Some people ask me why I don't review more rap and hip-hop records since they make up such a large amount of today's music landscape. The truth is most of the rap that I hear on the radio or MTV just isn't any good. The MCs have zero talent and their voices are what I consider grating and their delivery is beyond lazy. They might be talented producers but rappers they are not.

Most of the newer rap records that I do enjoy fall back on old school aesthetics while adding fresh rhymes and beats. They also shy away from the bling bling.

EYEDEA & ABILITIES follow right in line with the style of DAN THE AUTOMATER and likeminded artists that spend more time on their lyrics than their lifestyle. The MC in this duo, EYEDEA, can flow as a storyteller or confront real or fictional competitors in the rap game. All the while DJ ABILITIES is actually scratching records with amazing precision and an originality that is truly refreshing in a world of recycled rock songs serving as the basis for new hits. (Don't get me started on the new CYPRESS HILL single slaughtering THE CLASH's "Guns of Brixton" with lyrics about trying to get a girl's phone number. Shame on Tim Armstrong for even guesting on such a travesty).

It's hard these days for an average Joe to sincerely enjoy a new rap record. Listeners connect as much with the artists as they do millionaire pro athletes. They live in unreal worlds most of us don't care about. When an act like EYEDEA & ABILITIES comes along that sticks to the heart of the genre allegiance is almost automatic.

Derivative Pick of the Week

TORTOISE, It's All Around You (Thrill Jockey)

When some bands in the indie rock world release a new record, it is very easy to guess what it will sound like. Whether it's YO LA TENGO or BAD RELIGION most of us know whether we're going to buy that album based on the group's track record. TORTOISE's latest, It's All Around You, is somewhat more straight forward than their past work but doesn't serve up anything that would make fans falter at the checkout counter.

Tracks like "The Lithium Shifts" could fit into any of the group's last half dozen releases and it's stark, jazz inspired feel will certainly not offend any faithful. But what band's like TORTOISE fail to do is grow in any noticeable measure. Obviously the band is different now that it was in 1994 when they debuted. The members are more skilled, the production is far superior but there is nothing challenging to the work.

There is certainly not another band around that is like TORTOISE. So the group is not drawing derivation among its peers. Instead the repetition of the past is holding them back and leads to few surprises, thrills and therefore leaves little chance for complete failure.

Indie Pick of the Week

OF MONTREAL, Satanic Picnic In The Attic (Polyvinyl Records)

OF MONTREAL may be one of those bands that go totally over my head. It certainly seems the group is paying homage to the ROLLING STONES with the artwork and title to their new disc Satanic Picnic In The Attic. However, this is one of the most relaxed groups of rockers imaginable. Sure there's a lot more melody than TORTOISE and vocals of course, but there is a laid back attitude that draws away from the solid songwriting that makes each album worthy of individual listens.

But the group will never draw mass appeal and lands them squarely under the indie pick of the week. Band members were weaned on BEACH BOYS, BEATLES and perhaps some MAMAS AND THE PAPAS and that's not necessarily horrible especially since the band adds hints of modernity to songs like "Will You Come and Fetch Me." The track is by far the closest to BEATLES admiration as it gets but there's a 1990s frailty to the lyrics as well as a brilliant transition to a much more contemporary "My British Tour Diary." It's the subtleness of the songwriting underneath much more obvious influences that propel the disc ahead of many others on the review stack.

Contest Update: I've sadly gotten zero responses to my contest to give away a copy of the new PILOT TO GUNNER album Get Saved. If you didn't read last week's column then go back and read it again. By next week I'll just give the disc to whoever bothers to send me an e-mail. Lazy bastards. ENTER THE CONTEST HERE!

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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