by Brian Lynch
Just thinking about September 11th makes me all sorts of angry/sad/numb. But the way we came together as Americans, nay, Earthlings, made me happy/proud/tall.
Up until now, I've really never been able to express how I felt about that awful day and the weeks that followed. The most frivolous of my thoughts went something like "twenty years from now, some evil filmmaking hack is going to turn this tragedy into a three-hour, big-budget, star-studded romance/adventure/message film." When that day comes, and believe you me it will, I'm on the first boat leaving America.
Ironically, that boat will collide with an iceberg, and 20 years from that day, there will be another movie based on THAT whole experience. I hope Kate Winslet's grandson plays me.
So far, the only "fictional" account of the tragedy has been a very special issue of AMAZING SPIDER-MAN. I'm a huge fan of the current creative team on AMAZING, so I immediately snatched it right up. It had an all-black cover, which scared me for a second as I thought maybe (A) Spider-Man was going to die, or (B) Venom was back, which sucks for our wall-crawler as Venom's much stronger, or (C) it was a special hologram cover, and my hologram of Spidey had fallen off, which would TOTALLY bite because the value of said comic would plummet.
Upon reading the first couple pages of the comic, I realized Spider-Man was NOT going to die, Venom was NOT back and I had NOT lost a valuable Spider-Man hologram. Nope, the comic dealt with Spider-Man at Ground Zero, helping sift through the rubble of the Twin Towers.
But not just Spider-Man, true believer. EVERY Marvel Comic character was there to help out. Cyclops sliced through girders with his eye beams, Jean Grey mentally lifted rocks and steel to look for survivors, and Captain America, he...he just sat around and cried. Don't cry, Captain America. America will be back, stronger than ever.
But what about the villains? Would they take advantage of all these heroes being preoccupied and, I don't know, rob banks? No sir, they're RIGHT THERE TOO, not helping so much, but just standing around and...
...well, also crying. Seriously, check it out, Dr. Doom is welling up. Not pussy WEEPING like Captain American-I-cry-I sure-can, just single tear. Keep in mind, we're talking about a madman who has tried to blow up the world a million times, but he's upset because someone knocked down the Twin Towers. Maybe he was jealous, I don't know.
And next to Doom, Magneto. Oh sure, Magneto is dead in the current continuity, but he ain't gonna stop a little thing like death get in the way of his...standing around the rubble and looking somber.
(SIDENOTE NO. 1: They didn't show The Incredible Hulk helping out, which probably was a good idea, as he destroys about six buildings a day. Iron Man would be taking a Gatorade break, wondering out loud "What kind of monster would DO THIS to the Twin Towers?", and Hulk would nervously clear his throat and look away.)
The issue was well done, and my initial cynicism (having super-powered guys in spandex dealing with a terrible REAL LIFE event could have gone so horribly wrong) and disappointment (Venom ain't back...well, considering who DID show up, Venom probably WAS back, but he was passing out bagels and muffins to firemen) vanished like Nightcrawler when cornered by a group of angry villagers once I read it.
(SIDENOTE NO. 2: This is a horrible admission, but while reading the comic, my inner geek wondered why the Superheroes and Villains didn't think to contact Kang, the Time Traveling bad-guy. They could have convinced him to turn back time, and then Thor or someone could deal with the terrorists. Some sorta agreement could have been reached, like, I don't know, if Kang turns back time, he's allowed to rob any six banks of his choice, and he can kill Hawkeye.)
I wonder how cathartic writing this issue was for J. Michael Straczynski. For a second, I thought maybe I should do something like this using the ANGRY NAKED PAT characters, but man, how bad would THAT go? Any attempt at a sincere message would TOTALLY be overshadowed by the fact that the lead is weeping for the fallen victims with his dick hanging out. Also, Mr. Straczynski is much, much better at expressing his feelings, as I'm...not...unbad...at doing so.
In closing, if we're going to have a story taking place on September 11th, 2001 starring cartoon characters, THANK GOD really talented people handled it. Can you imagine if Hanna-Barbera tried the same thing? Yogi and BooBoo putting their differences aside with that gay Ranger fellow to look for survivors, Fred Flintstone (magically transported to present day by The Great Gazoo, of course) affected by the tragedy even though it won't happen for millions of years, a confused Scooby asking Shaggy "ry, Raggy, ry?", and Shaggy answering "Like I don't know why, Scoob. Like I just don't know."
And off to the side, regular villains/pigeon chasers Dick Dastardly and Muttley surveying the area with syrupy tears rolling down their face. "Why isn't Muttley laughing?" asks Penelope Pitstop. "Not today, even," replies Snagglepuss, "not today." Long pause. "Even."
See how bad it coulda been? I'm happy that someone as talented as J. Michael Straczynski had the guts to handle it, and even happier that other creators WEREN'T.
But still, maybe that Hanna-Barbera idea has some merit.
"How long until America gets back on its feet, Papa Smurf?"
"Not long now!"
You're damn right, Papa Smurf.
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