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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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LET'S MAKE SOME ART: THE WORLD OF SCHLOCK CINEMA

By Chris Lanphear

February 12, 2003

Episode 8: “Let’s Dance” – Part One

Greetings from Tromaville!

I report to you having returned from the belly of the beast: Park City, Utah and the Sundance Film Festival, and as important, or perhaps even more important, the 2003 TromaDance Film Festival

. Now, before my week-long trek to Utah began this year, I had figured that the writing of this column would be filled with a lot of curse words pointed at Robert Redford, Sundance, and the other dances out there: Slamdance, NoDance, Slamdunk, etc. But the truth is that Park City and Sundance in particular are now being a bit more fair to independent filmmakers and festivals, such as my beloved TromaDance. Speaking of which, let’s get on with part one of my Park City diary…

Time to Dance!

Armed with two fellow filmmakers and a car packed with a week’s worth of supplies, we headed out around 9 a.m. on Sunday, January 25th. According to my friends at MapQuest, total travel time was about 7 hours. The way I drove, we arrived in Park City at around 3 p.m. (6 hours). And boom, our first celebrity sighting! Kevin Spacey was giving an interview in front of a restaurant on Main Street, and if you’ve ever been on Main Street in Park City, then you know that the actual street is about as wide as two small cars, and trying to drive through it when a celebrity has been sighted and a crowd of people have gathered in the street is about as possible as sticking a square block into a round hole. But anywho…

Finally, we reached the TromaDance condo and met with Festival Director Jonathan Lees, filmmaker Lola Rock’N’Rolla and Heidi Sjursen, filmmaker and star of CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV. After getting a debriefing from Jonathan, we head up to the condo, and so began the TromaDance experience…

My New Best Friend: Chris Gore

On Sunday evening, after we had settled in at the condo, I was told that the TromaDance Team would be attending a party being hosted by Film Threat. For those of you who don’t know, Film Threat was started by a guy named Chris Gore some time ago, and has for some time been a “voice” for independent film and filmmakers. This year, Gore was also serving as a panelist for our TromaDance forum discussion. Jonathan told me that we needed to check and make sure we were able to get into the party. So later, when I was handing out flyers on Main Street, I ran into Chris in front of the Bistro restaurant, and kindly asked him if the TromaDance Team was clear for the party.

“Well,” he said, “I’m all out of passes, and it’s gonna be kinda hard to get in. But you know what? You guys should sneak your people in through the back, in the kitchen.”
“What?” I replied.
“Yeah,” he said, “You guys are Troma anyway, right? You don’t wanna come in the front with everyone else. Just sneak in!”
“Um, that’s not going to work, Chris,” I said.
“No, that’s the thing. It will work! Just tell them that I asked you to get the goody bags from the basement.”
“Dude, I don’t want to lie to get into your party.”
“Well, that’s the genius of it; you’re not going to lie! Like, can you get the goody bags out of the basement for me and bring ‘em up?”

Restraining myself from just punching him was quickly draining my energy. So instead, I just said, “Thanks, Chris”, walked a bit down Main Street, and called Jonathan. Once I told him what was going on, he was understandably pissed. Here was a guy, serving on our panel, supposedly a friend to TromaDance, telling me that in order for our people to get into the party, we would have to sneak in! When Jonathan and the rest of the team joined me about thirty minutes later, a huge crowd had gathered in front of the Bistro for the Film Threat party, and we pondered what to do.

We decided to storm the party. I should have known right then that for the next week, it would be an uphill battle. We had our work cut out for us…

To Be Continued…

Remember, Toxie Loves You!

NEXT TIME: On February 19, part two of “Let’s Dance,” including rival festivals, desertion at the TromaDance condo, film controversy, and some special “alone” time with Lloyd Kaufman!

Chris Lanphear is still recovering from the carnage of TromaDance. Sooner or later, the swelling will go down.

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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