by Paul Tonks
score -- n. / Pron. “skôr”
1. The notation of a musical work.
2. The written form of a composition for orchestral or vocal parts.
3. The music written for a film, play, or other viewed entertainment.
4. The resounding cheer of ‘high-fiving’ Producers getting music that’s close enough to the Temp Track, without being sued.
FILM MUSIC INSANITY
I have a tendency to only supply reviews here of score albums that impress me in one way or another. But I don’t mind telling you that there’s a far greater pile that I wish I had recourse to request back the time I wasted listening to. I’m often heard bemoaning about how “such-and-such a score drove me insane with its blandness, cliché, plagiarism or atonal delving into sound design experimentation.”
That said, insanity or mental torment is often terrific subject matter for a film composer to wrap their baton around. Depicting what’s going on inside a character’s head is one of the greatest tricks they get to perform. With this column, I’d like to nominate five scores that I feel have the capacity to insinuate themselves into the sanity of the individual. Why? What personal madness could possibly motivate me to explore such uncomfortable areas of endurance?
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There’s a theory that David Blaine is getting exactly what he wanted by performing his latest endurance stunt in London. That being a less than universally warm welcome, and lots of aggressive distraction. The previous U.S. stunts in a coffin, entombed in ice and up a pole were all over a period of a few days. With those (if you don’t believe they were illusions…), he didn’t really need to be kept distracted. Compared to the 44 days he’s doing now, those were easy time. The trick now is to stay isolated without food. Admittedly, the lack of food is evident – and that’s only a pure water source he’s drinking, right? But the part about doing this in isolation is nonsense for so many reasons. He’s constantly in touch with the ground for starters, giving them updates. And of course when he’s being heckled or feels under threat from the now internationally stereotyped UK “yob” (= “Youth of Britain” in case you’d ever wondered). All of which makes for good press, and that’s the working theory if you believe it’s not all an illusion or clever piece of puppetry anyway.
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As soon as I heard about the new stunt, my mind turned to ways I’d want to keep myself sane – hoping that music would be allowed. Then when I heard about the ways in which he’s been innovatively distracted, my mind turned to the ways that music could be used for the onset of insanity too. But before I get onto my nominations for the perfect film music accompaniment to a full mental meltdown, I’d love to share with you the hilarious ways in which Blaine is enjoying the British hospitality.
Being pelted with eggs, chips (translation from Brit = steak-cut french fries), lemons, bananas, fireworks and a golf ball.
Fearing an assassination attempt by snipers that turned out to be a few laser pens.
Fearing an assassination attempt from an airgun that never materialised among an accused group of teens.
A model helicopter fly-by dangling a hamburger and fries.
The Sunday Mirror newspaper holding a barbecue.
A radio station ordering pizza delivery and sharing it amongst the crowd.
Regular appearances by a Saddam Hussein impersonator.
A Lego reconstruction of the stunt. Er…
An attempt to cut off his “water” supply.
Sir Paul McCartney firing someone on his staff for arranging a photo op.
Gloria Estefan admitting: “I only went down there because my daughter wanted to see him.”
Adam Ant promising: "Adam and the Ants are going to reform and we're going to play in front of Blaine until he gives up."
It was when I noted all these musicians and then the growing list of musical stunts that the reason for this column came about. Here are some of the noise distractions that have gone on and set me to thinking:
Fans have sung “we love you David, we do” for hours on end.
Flash mob practitioners “David & David” kept up an “om” chant.
A percussion ensemble drummed away for ages.
A squadron of drunken soldiers serenaded him with “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.”
The thing that really got me thinking was when I heard that a band from my hometown – The Railing Stains – were planning a dawn chorus for the illusionist. They’re a Rolling Stones tribute band (duh!), who are currently prepping to score a movie about Brian Jones. Their plan is to thrash out their versions of classic Stones numbers and test his stamina to the max.
So, what scores do I think could do it faster? What scores could destroy every vestige of ones’ mental faculties in the shortest space of time? Whom do I credit with the compositional talent to hit a SOUTH PARK style “Brown Note” in the Blaine brain?
1) TITANIC – James Horner. This score is such an easy target for me to hurl abuse at. Six years on and the pain just gets worse. The arguments on Horner have all been done. I doubt I’ve much new to add all this time after the fact. But I know if you stuck me in a Perspex box and said this is all I could listen to, I wouldn’t last 44 minutes…
2) POLTERGEIST – Jerry Goldsmith. It starts with “The Star-Spangled Banner;” has the teeth-numbingly sweet “Carol Ann’s Theme” at the end; and is full of spooktastic scare effects in-between. Oh, and it’d remind me of the clown toy under the bed!
3) HALLOWEEN – John Carpenter. The Theme has always really gotten under my skin. Especially in the (sigh) ongoing series’ use where it’s been pepped up with drumloops. I welcome John Ottman’s orchestral rendition from H20, but even that would by putting the wullies about me and causing brain leakage after only a short while.
4) THE PIANO – Michael Nyman. Simply put, if I had to repeatedly hear the variations on “The Heart Asks Pleasure First,” mine would be screaming for screaming for anything but.
5) CABIN FEVER – Another reason for this article, since it turned up this week just as I was thinking about this very thing. See below.
P.S. – When I asked some folks what they thought might be the perfect soundtrack accompaniment for Blaine’s stunt, this was my favourite response:
“How about American Beauty - already popular with TV producers, and music which with glacial perfection captured the spirit of isolated people doing meaningless things in a meaningless film... no wonder modern TV producers like it...” – Gary Dalkin
Photos: Tamas Kovacs
REVIEWS:
CABIN FEVER - Nathan Barr and Angelo Badalamenti, LA LA Land Records LLLCD 1008
After I got over the disappointment of not finding the Muppets song of the same name, I quickly came to admire what’s been attempted by this score. Director Eli Roth wanted Barr to explore musical ideas that’d scare the audience in ways hearkening back to the horror genre of old. I’d say he’s done it. It’s an album that for the most part makes your teeth itch and your nails curl. Until Badalamenti comes in that is, which is when some bittersweet melody allows a few minutes of aural respite. Little by little, this label is cornering the market on horror genre scores that are truly grate on the ear!
DOWN WITH LOVE - Marc Shaiman / Various, WEA Records
The Press Release for this album is keen to highlight the participation of “rising swing sensation Michael Buble,” and then namecheck Shaiman. It’s a pecking order about-face that’s common enough these days, but in this instance really is grossly unfair. The 4 score cues on this album are a delightful throwback to blowout Musical productions. And you just know Shaiman’s had his fingers all over the stylistic presentation of everything on here and in the movie. Simply charming.
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