By Kendra Hibbert
December 12, 2003
It’s the Holiday time of year again and, while those days of Hanukkah/Kwanza/Christmas/Annual Gift-Giving Day are joyous and filled with many free gifts and days off work, the weeks leading up to these celebratory times of the year are often marred by stress at having to find the right gift for your friends and relatives and asshole at work who you got for a Secret Santa and can’t think of what to get besides a punch in the head. Well, fear not, young readers-who-are-just-coming-to-this-column-because-they-read-in-the-description-this-week-that-it-contained-gift-ideas, I do in fact have some suggestions on what to get your significant others and other significants. However, keep in mind that 90% of these books I haven’t read so don’t complain to me if your gift gets rejected by the giftee and you get kicked out of your family and/or peer group as a result.
It’s hard not to think of the children during this time of year – mostly because those ungrateful juveniles can give away spray painted bits of macaroni glued to a badly folded piece of yellow construction paper and can demand in return the new giant Unicron toy (have you seen this? Damn.). But there are only so many Transformers one child can take (actually that’s not really true but it’s the only segue I can think of) and so
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you might want to look at the selection of books available to you. Namely the large collection of celebrity children’s books that came out this year. Of course the biggest addition to the children’s literary world (if you believe her publicist) is Madonna releasing not one but two new books - ENGLISH ROSES and MR. PEABODY’S APPLES. They are, of course, not very good but they have the added bonus of being very topical so you get extra points with the parents of the child receiving the gift, but only if said parents aren’t you. Bono, however, has also put out a children’s selection that, although I haven’t read it, seems infinitely more interesting. It’s a re-telling of the classic Sergei Prokofiev story PETER AND THE WOLF that comes complete with the musical version of the work performed by Bono and his friends Gavin Friday and Friday-Seezer Ensemble. The box set is not only very expensive looking with its cloth bound book and enhanced CD but very affordable and all proceeds go to the Irish Hospice program.
If your gift receiving children are a little older and Harry Potter-esque fans there’s a book out by Christopher Paolini called ERAGON that promises to be a popular series, judging from the press this 18-year-old wunderkind got when this book was first published in August. There’s also book ten in the SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS along with the three collected boxed sets of the rest of the books – together they would make an excellent large gift on par with Unicron if, in fact, you can’t find Unicron at your local Toys R Us and all the stores are closing in five minutes.
“But Kendra,” I can hear you all saying. “I don’t care about children, nor do children care about reading - why did you just spend half your column talking about gifts for those ingrates?”
To that I answer, “Okay wisenheimer, just for that I’m going onto section of this column I like to call Oprah’s Picks” - those books for the mothers/older sisters/sensitive uncles on your gift list. Those people who would like Toni Morrison’s new book LOVE for example, or Nicholas Sparks’ THE WEDDING or the best-selling IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE-esque FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN. Occasionally there are books that are actually interesting in this category such as THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE which I reviewed last week and possibly (though I haven’t read it yet so don’t quote me on that) the new autobiography from that tantric hardbody Sting, BROKEN MUSIC: A MEMOIR.
In the genre of music biographies the selections out there this season they are, more or less just repeats of last year. Kurt Cobain’s JOURNALS has been re-released this year in paperback with new stuff and the Rolling Stones have a new book out ACCORDING TO THE ROLLING STONES which is pretty much identical to last year’s ROLLING WITH THE STONES with the notable absence of Bill Wyman (incidentally I reviewed both JOURNALS and ROLLING WITH THE STONES last year here) which suggests some kind of rift between Wyman and the rest of the band, though I don’t know for sure – nor do I care.
For everyone else I recommend the perennial AD NAUSEAM from the Onion, or THE PYTHONS the new book for the Monty Python fan on your list written about the Pythons by the Pythons. Also THE COMPLETE FAR SIDE collection which came out earlier this year. For the Sci-fi fan on your list I definitely recommend ROBOTA (which I reviewed here). For the horror fan, I’d say Stephen King’s WOLVES OF CALLA or Anne Rice’s BLOOD CANTICLE would be your best bet (both of which I should have reviewed but I can’t bring myself to read either of them).
But, whether it’s a loved one or a casual acquaintance you feel obligated to buy a present for because he/she got you one, no matter what you choose to give this gift giving season, I highly recommend getting a book that you yourself want to read. Books are truly the ideal gift giver’s gifts because not only do you seem generous and thoughtful when you give them but, if you buy them early enough, books are one of the few gifts where it’s possible for the purchaser to fully enjoy the purchase before giving it away without the receiver actually knowing – truly embracing the spirit and goodwill of this joyous time of the year.
Next Column: I’ll be reviewing one of the books I’ve gotten for one of my family members which I can’t mention here right now on the outside chance that they decide to read the column this week. Be here in two weeks to see what it is.
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