By Kendra Hibbert
February 6, 2004
Though I promised last column that I’d be reviewing Elmore Leonard’s MR. PARADISE, unfortunately I couldn’t get my hands on a copy of that novel. Instead I’ll be taking a look at a tome that arrived in the mail last week -- ORDINARY PEOPLE by the Family Osbourne.
Even at first glance there are a few unexpected elements to this book.
1.) It’s got a very classy red cover with a black overlay, unusual for both a rock bio and a pop-culture “tell-all” which usually feature huge garish photographs of the biograph-ee on the cover with equally garish writing (for examples of such garish-osity see Simon Cowell’s I DON’T MEAN TO BE RUDE BUT… or Randy Jackson’s WHAT’S UP DAWG? (yes it’s really called that))
2.) The pictures inside the book are limited to one 16-page insert featuring photos that came out of the Osbournes personal family album. Missing are the obligatory pictures of Ozzy and Sharon as children. Neither is there any of the publicity photos from the MTV show nor of Ozzy in full make-up. Even the infamous “biting the head off a dove” photo is absent.
3.) The elusive daughter Aimee has joined the group this time.
These things all add up to one thing that’s immediately obvious upon picking up the book – this time The Osbournes want to be taken seriously.
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This a family history, told by the Osbournes apparently in their own words, though the book credits Todd Gold as a collaborator (and thank god as Ozzy is easily understandable and the “likes” have been removed from Kelly’s sections). It starts with the childhoods of the Osbourne parentals, following Ozzy’s trials and tribulations as the ‘stinky kid’ in school, touching briefly on the incidents of sexual abuse (that was leaked to the press before this book came out), and focusing on the beginning of his alcohol/drug problems. It also of course, traces Sharon’s early life with her music mogul daddy, describing the times when her father tied a producer to a tree and threatened to blow his knee caps off or when he got her to pretend to be a long distance operator so he could con a bank manager into believing he was in New York, all of this leading up to her own infamous antics as a music manager. There are a few surprises here that weren’t leaked to the press pre-publication like Sharon’s abortion as a teenager, or her relationship with her mother which she describes as even more turbulent than her much publicized animosity toward her dad.
The birth of Sabbath, the meeting of Sharon and Ozzy and Ozzy’s first wife follow along with a touching section on Randy Rhodes and his relationship to both Ozzy and Sharon. This is the “Price of Fame” segment of the book (though there are a few more of them) – Ozzy’s ousting from Sabbath, his failed marriage and his failed first attempt at being a father. A couple funny anecdotes pop up, like Ozzy’s drinking contest with John Bonham, his first trip Stateside and subsequently his first experience with a groupie – 15 minutes after checking into the hotel at the band’s first stop. These are the turbulent times – the dove/bat head biting incidents and the Alamo pit-stop, along with some new, never before discussed details into the troubles with Sharon’s father that lasted for 20 years and new details into the infamous tour with Motley Crue (for more details see THE DIRT: CONFESSIONS OF THE WORLD’S MOST NOTORIOUS ROCK BAND).
On then to the kiddie Osbourne (now with more Aimee!!) as they describe what it was like growing up in the Osbourne family with daddy always on tour – the nannies, the fights, the drugs, the stints at rehab, the fights, the drugs, the fights. A lot of the sibling bickering comes out especially between Aimee and Kelly (eg - Aimee on Kelly: “She was the pretty one, she had blonde hair, she was a girly girl.” Kelly on Aimee: “I didn’t get along very well with Aimee because she was very, very bossy. And I was never a girly girl and she was.”). Jack pops up every once and a while for a sarcastic comment or two, but for the most part his contribution is limited to his problems with drugs, and describing what it was like to go into rehab at 17 – and to have everyone in the world know he was going into rehab at 17.
Needless to say this is a must have book for a fan of the Osbournes – but is it a book for anyone else? It has a lot of interesting stories in it and it’s not annoyingly simplistic like a lot of rock bios. It’s not a book that’s been hastily put together for the masses and it’s not something Oprah’s going to recommend any time soon though it is a very personal book. The Osbournes of course keep nothing back – this means not only a look into the debauchery and mayhem the ‘Prince of Fucking Darkness’ is infamous for but also a look into the reasons Ozzy felt like he had to resort to mayhem and debauchery in the first place and also first hand accounts into the damages that such mayhem has on the family of the debaucherous.
If you’re a fan of Ozzy you’ll like this book. If you’re a fan of the heavy metal rock bio you’ll like this book. If you’re a fan of the Osbournes you’ll like this book. It’s also a great book about addiction. It’s an ideal gift for Valentines Day for your head-banging boyfriend or your reality show loving girlfriend. For the rest of you though – it’s interesting but it won’t change your life. It’s a good conversation piece, a good coffee table book or as a gift for a friend, but if you hate the Osbourne’s chances are you won’t get too much out of ORDINARY PEOPLE.
Next Column: I’ll review another book or perhaps books – which ones? Maybe MR. PARADISE, maybe something else – tune in in two to find out.
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