By Chris Ryall
Well, I'd like to just lament the cancellation of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. It was pretty obvious after the low ratings from the first "sweeps" week episode that the show was in trouble, and having subsequent November episodes pulled was a sure sign of the end. It's official now, although Fox says they'll still air the unaired episodes in December to let the show "finish out its run."
I knew there was no way Fox was going to keep the show going after this season, with its repeated low ratings. I don't blame Fox too much, although you always feel like they could do a bit more or take a little loss on something they really believe in. But ultimately, I didn't even think the show would get a shot at a third season, and I had a feeling from the start this year that the show was doomed. What this also does is show you how little the Emmys mean beyond just the industry back-patting itself. Somehow, this critically acclaimed, award-winning and outright hilarious show just never found an audience. The fact that the show's creators seemed to accept this fact this season and just got more insane than ever at least made for some excellent and hilarious episodes. Has there been a funnier scene on TV in a long time than the giant mole fighting George Michael in a jetpack? Then again, this show's past three seasons could be used to make up a long list of some of the funniest TV moments over the past decade or two (or ever): GOB and his "COME ON!" and his chicken dance (not to mention his cell phone's "Final Countdown" ring, most everything about Buster, Ron Howard's voice-over, David Cross's hilarious "never-nude" Tobias and his blue hand-prints, Steve Holt!... it actually gets depressing to think about how great this show really was, and how it's now gone.
The more depressing thing is the fact that ARRESTED was cancelled and FREDDIE was picked up for more episodes. The majority of sitcom-viewers really do seem to want mediocrity and banal, edgeless humor. I challenge anyone who watches that utter crap to cite a truly funny moment on that show, or even recall what an episode was about the next day. This sort of settling for unfunny tripe probably means THE OFFICE, the most consistently funny show on network TV this season, is going to end up doomed while HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER will end up in syndication. TV sitcoms are a source of constant depression, and that's sadly more true lately than it ever used to be, I think. Attempts at new or different approaches are met with low ratings and scorn, while the laugh-track crap persists. I'm sure EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND will somehow win yet more Emmys next year...
So thanks for trying something new, Mitch Hurwitz and company. It was at least really appreciated by a few of us.
Monday, November 14
THE PRODUCERS -- 8:30 AM, AMC
Now you have a chance to catch the original movie that inspired the Broadway play, so you can see that at least the source material wasn't annoying and effeminate, too. And with that, we're off and running this week...
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL -- 6 PM, ABC
Tonight, it's the Eagles vs. the Cowboys. In other words, party at T.O.'s house!
HOME MAINTENANCE -- 7 PM, DIY
Debut: Hey, can someone come over here and help me change the remote to the DIY channel?
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT -- 8 PM, Fox
If Charlize Theron's appearances were the only reason you were watching, you might not be too happy after tonight. But really, you should be watching the show for Buster or GOB, anyway.
PRISON BREAK -- 9 PM, Fox
Word is that Fox has a prequel show in the works, to try to reach a younger audience. Michael's brother is scheduled to clean up some grafitti and Michael has to try to trick their way out of juvenile hall.
MEDIUM -- 10 PM, NBC
Tonight, you can get a special peek at the big-screen MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, which guest-stars Ken Watanabe. I like Ken, but I'd be more inclined to see this if the Watanabe in the movie was actually Gedde.
LAGUNA BEACH -- 10 PM, MTV
Season Finale: The good thing about this show ending is that, well, outside of unwatched MTV reality show reunions, we won't have to see any of these people ever again. Except maybe Kristin, who will probably never go away.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Martha Stewart
The Late Show with David Letterman: John Cusack
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Jason Lee, Neil Diamond with Brian Wilson
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Kristen Bell
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Eva Longoria, Tommy Lee, Del McCoury Band
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Tuesday, November 15
THE 39TH ANNUAL CMA AWARDS -- 8 PM, CBS
Better than the "CYA Awards," I guess, which would be full of people throwing their co-workers under the bus. Then again, that show might feature better music...
GILMORE GIRLS -- 8 PM, WB
If I was taking one of those "How much of a wuss are you?" quizzes, I'd get a few extra points for being happy that Lorelei and Rory seem to finally be making up. Er, moving on...
WORLD SERIES OF POKER -- 8 PM, ESPN
The winner of this match gets $7.5 million, which still works out to just a little better than minimum wage when you look at the per-hour breakdown.
THE 3RD ANNUAL VIBE AWARDS -- 8 PM, UPN
I can't tell you what a disaster it would've been if a scheduling snafu had the audience for this show going to the CYAs and vice versa.
MY NAME IS EARL -- 9 PM, NBC
I never gave Jamie Pressley much credit for, well, anything, but I have to say, she's taken a role that Tara Reid was born to play and actually made it a funny part.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Rosario Dawson
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Joan embry, Melissa Ethridge
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Chris Elliott, Marc John Jefferies
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Reese Witherspoon, Jon Favreau, Kevin Brennan
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Patton Oswalt, the Sounds
Wednesday, November 16
I WALK THE LINE: A NIGHT FOR JOHNNY CASH -- 8 PM, CBS
Well, it's a night for a long promo for the Johnny Cash biopic, anyway, with a few decent performances, anyway. And trust me, it's the best country music special on tonight. As opposed to, well, exhibit B:
SOMEWHERE IN THE SUN -- 8 PM, ABC
Hillbilly singer Kenny Chesney gets his first TV special here tonight, and he no doubt has squinty ex-wife (if she's even considered that) Renee Zellwegger to thank for it, since no one cared about the guy either way before she called him a "fraud."
THAT '70S SHOW -- 8 PM, Fox
You know how you kinda want your new boy/girlfriend to make your last one jealous? Well, something went wrong in Demi Moore's life, since her new boyfriend and her ex are now hanging out together and working together, like in this disturbing episode.
HARD ROCK LIVE -- 8 PM, MTV
Having trouble sleeping? Think COLDPLAY is too hard a band? Just plain bored with your life? Then enjoy this performance by KEANE.
STACKED -- 8:30 PM, Fox
Didn't we already watch the baton-passing a few years ago? And after all the years of wanting to see them appear on-screen together, how come when Pam Anderson and Jenny McCarthy finally get together, it's now, and on this show?
LOST -- 9 PM, ABC
So through it all, LOST turns out to be not much different than a slasher flick? Get some action, find yourself dead? Seems like a bad lesson, especially for survivors who are doing far less coupling than anyone in real life would be doing if stuck on an island with no real hope of escape. Ah, well, it's not like she'll be missed.
VERONICA MARS -- 9 PM, UPN
Charisma Carpenter's evidently winning a lot of people over on this show, too, and it's got to be for more than just the little bikinis (although those don't hurt, either), since she's getting more and more screen time since joining up.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: John Hodgman
The Late Show with David Letterman: Ellen DeGeneres, Brad Paisley
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Hugh Laurie, 19-year-old sportscaster Graham Bensinger, George Clinton
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Paula Abdul
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Big & Rich, Rosario Dawson
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: TBD
Thursday, November 17
SMALLVILLE -- 8 PM, WB
A Phantom Zone villain, the destruction of the Fortress of Solitude (not forever, obviously)... this show just keeps on figuring out ways to improve upon the last couple seasons.
THE O.C. -- 8 PM, Fox
Yep, it's time to official bury this show and move on with my life. Well, maybe just one more painful, cringe-inducing week.
RED & BLUE -- 8 PM, Discovery
A Liberal family is dropped into a Conservative area, and vice versa. Which sounds very boring to me. Now, you drop a Green Party person into a Freedom Party's 'hood, then you're really in for some scintillating TV.
LOVE INC. -- 8: 30 UPN
Former Laker Rick Fox shows up here and demonstrates that he's not much better at acting than he was at scoring.
ICONOCLASTS -- 10 PM, Sundance
Debut: This new show features a big star interviewing their icon, and since it's on Sundance, you know that means Butch and Sundance will soon ride again. But first, Sam Jackson talks to Bill Russell. If it were me, this would mean the Dodger and not the Celtic, but Sam doesn't quite agree.
E.R. -- 10 PM, NBC
Well, the plane crash thing seems to have worked well for LOST, so why not try it here, in a show that's supposed to be set inside a hospital? What next, a patient named EARL? Operating on some DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES?
RUN'S HOUSE -- 10:30 PM, MTV
Season Finale: So the good Reverend Run had his "celebrity playlist" on iTunes... and filled it with his own and RUN DMC tunes. Gee, Rev, at least you're not just out to get yourself some more royalty checks or anything.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Richard Clarke
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Jerry Seinfeld, Shelley Berman, Carrie Underwood
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: (R)
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Joaquin Phoenix, trey Anastasio
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Jon Favreau
Friday, November 18
GHOST WHISPERER -- 8 PM, CBS
Somehow, this schmaltzy show is doing better and better in the ratings, and let me just confirm that it's not because the JLH is wearing sexy outfits. Far from it, actually. But America really seems to love the schmaltz on Friday nights.
HOPE & FAITH -- 9 PM, ABC
Tonight's shrug-inducing November "sweeps" guest-star is Robert Wagner. See, I'd think a show might pull higher ratings by hiding the fact that Robert Wagner guest-starred on it, but what do I know?
MOVIES THAT SHOOK THE WORLD -- 10 PM, AMC
Tonight: SHAFT. You say you're not planning to watch? Shut yo' mouth!
MASTERS OF HORROR -- 10 PM, Showtime
This week, Dario Argento gets his shot. And if you've ever seen a Dario Argento movie, you know you're in for some good gore.
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Teri Hatcher, Cedric the Entertainer, Sheryl Crowe
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Ryan Reynolds, Alanis Morisette
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Amy Smart, Xzibit, Damian Marley
Saturday, November 19
REAL WORLD -- 2 PM, MTV
The show that most of us didn't even know was still on offers up a marathon tonight in preparation for next week's finale that most of us won't watch.
TEEN TITANS -- 8 PM, Cartoon
The Speed Force is finally represented here tonight in the form of... Kid Flash? Impulse? Professor Zoom? I'll let you watch it to figure it out.
AUSTIN CITY LIMITS -- 9 PM, PBS
Franz Ferdinand shows up tonight, an awful long way from Scotland. Luckily, they show up after the REAL WORLD people are gone.
ROME -- 9 PM, HBO
Season Finale: "Do you care if it falls?"
"What?"
"Rome. Do you care if it falls?"
... fuck iiiiit."
Ahh, Mel Brooks, no one does it like you used to do it.
MAD TV -- 11 PM, Fox
LAW & ORDER: SVU's Christopher Meloni shows up here tonight. He doesn't normally make me laugh, but then again, neither does this show, so maybe it's a good match.*
*Note: this show's actually not so bad, but I needed the easy joke, so pardon the indulgence.
