By Chris Ryall
July 22, 2003
What profession has TV gotten the most consistently wrong over the years? Some might say "all of them" but since I have experience in this area, I'd like to vote for "advertising." It's odd that BEWITCHED is still about the most accurate portrayal of the business. For wrongful portrayals, we can now add TWO AND A HALF MEN to the list.
In it, Charlie Sheen plays Charlie Harper, a very tabloid-Charlie-Sheen-esque character who's an amazingly well-off advertising jingle writer. What this means, basically, is that he occasionally sits at the piano but spends most of his time nursing a hangover from a drinking binge the night before; he's also a big womanizer. In short, he has that TV-version of single life--empty, shallow, and immensely more satisfying than that of his married younger brother, Alan.
Alan is played by Jon "sitcom kiss of death" Cryer. Cryer, the poor guy, seems likable enough, but you just can't play the put-upon shlub that he has to play and get much sympathy from the audience. Let's face it--the poor guy peaked as "Ducky" in the mid-80s. He's one of those guys I wish would find his place--his comic timing is fine and like I say, I like the guy, but he just can't get on a good sitcom to save his life.
And this is not a good sitcom, in spite of the pedigree (such as it is) of the two top-line stars, and the director of the pilot, James Burrows. Sure, James Burrows has directed his share of crap over the years, but the guy who's steered so many solid CHEERS, FRASIER and WILL AND GRACE episodes usually finds a way to work some kind of charm with the material. Not here.
Alan's a married, and harried, chiropractor (as he says, tops in the San Fernando Valley, the new comedy focal point of the 03-04 season) with a 10-year-old son, Jake (Angus Jones) and a wife who's in the process of leaving him for another woman (thank you, FRIENDS). With nowhere to go, Charlie lets he and his kid stay at his beach house for a little while. The kid, one of those life-lesson-teaching 10-year-olds, grates on Charlie's nerves (and mine) at first. But Charlie, unlike me, warms to the kid after he sees that women in the grocery store are drawn to a single guy with a cute son. Soon Charlie has the kid playing poker with his drinking buddies. Alan's stiff self is offended by this, so the duo moves out and back in with their overbearing mother (Blythe Danner, using a continental accent that echoes the one her daughter Gwyneth Paltrow has adopted at times). Only...Charlie now misses the kid, so the show finally completes its set-up at the end, when he has the two move back in with him. And now we're off--the typical sitcom premise of polar opposites cohabitating and getting taught things by a smart kid (also being used to similarly bad effect on ABC's upcoming FAITH AND HOPE) is in full force here.
There's a chance you won't find this show too funny--in fact, some scenes end awkwardly, like either the writers or the director weren't sure if the bit should conclude with a punch-line or a touching moment--but never fear. Whether you laugh or not is unimportant, because the laugh track has been turned up to eleven here. And yet, it still didn't drown out my numerous groans.
CBS's TWO AND A HALF MEN airs this Fall on Mondays at 9:30 PM.
Next Week: FOX's SKIN
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