June 21, 2004
Anti-Anti-Rock Star Quote of the Week:
"The actual frequency that can stimulate sexual arousal is around 7 Hz, corresponding to natural pulsations as sperm is released during intercourse. The range of frequencies... capable of producing arousal is pretty narrow. Outside of this narrow range, it has no effect. This frequency is well below the range of human hearing, and not a frequency used in any recorded music or live rock performances. The only musical instrument (electronic or conventional) capable of producing 7 Hz would be a very large pipe organ. The majority of them are in churches. I have never heard an accusation of sexual arousals by pipe organ music."
-- Christian apologist replies to ' rock'n'roll makes people wanna bone each other!' scandal
Say Yes To Summer: Reuben Ham grows an imposing moustache, dons an ornamental monocle, and delivers a spartan paper entitled 'Choons To Drive Around In The Sun To'...
THE BEATLES – Chains, Please Please Me (1963)
Finger-snapping, Botox-grinning, guitars-held-neck-high goodness.
GODSPEED YOU BLACK EMPEROR! – Moya, Slow Riot For New Zero Kanada (1999)
Glorious antithesis of three-minute summery pop. Also the reason why it's perfect for you right now.
ELVIS COSTELLO – Mystery Dance, My Aim Is True (1977)
Forgets to take Ritalin and neatly eclipses his namesake.
BELLE AND SEBASTIAN – You're Just A Baby Girl, Tigermilk (1996)
Because nothing says summer like syncopated handclaps.
MOTORHEAD – Ace Of Spades, Ace Of Spades (1980)
Immediately following the above, should fuck with the head of whoever's next to you at the lights.
THE STARJETS – Any Danger Love, God Bless The Starjets (1979)
Cheered me up, once. An aural tequila shot which will do the same for you.
LOVE SPIRALS DOWNWARDS – Will You Fade, Ardor (1995)
Don't drink cough syrup. Listen to community-minded people who have mapped out the experience for the rest of us.
TODD RUNDGREN – It Wouldn't Have Made Any Difference, Something/Anything? (1972)
You all would have voted for him in 1972's American Idol. And you wouldn't have been ashamed.
10CC – I'm Not In Love, The Original Soundtrack (1975)
This features 256 vocal dubs. Two hundred and fifty-six. Extreme; decadent; full-lipped; ripe for re-evaluation.
KENNY LOGGINS – Danger Zone, TOP GUN soundtrack (1986)
Because cranking this still seems the most deliciously obnoxious act possible. Still sounds good, too.
© Reuben Ham
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