November 8, 2004
Rock Star Quote of the Week:
"Football. AC/DC."
-- BELLE AND SEBASTIAN frontman Stuart Murdoch, when asked what he was into as a kid
Are We Not Men? Well... No, Not Really: Reuben Ham spotlights the world of twee-pop, in which dudes in cardigans write perfect melodies but never quite get the girl. Unless she's JULEE CRUISE. Actually, probably not even then...
FELT – Sunlight Bathed The Golden Glow, The Strange Of Idols Pattern And Other Short Stories (1984)
'Shimmering' gee-tar, a LOU REED kewpie doll speech-singing whenever you pull the cord in her (his!) back, cheeky references to Arthur Rimbaud (French poet, drunk, hero; Leonardo DiCaprio knows all about it—ask him) and a manifesto of 'new puritanism'. That's right, folks: FELT didn't do drugs. Now look at the album title above. Just repeating: FELT didn't do drugs. Read that album title again. Didn't do drugs. But the title. No drugs. None at all.
ORANGE JUICE – Consolation Prize, You Can't Hide Your Love Forever (1982)
Remember EDWYN COLLINS, that smarmy git who had a hit in the nineties with 'A Girl Like You'? Well, see, he was in this band, once, and they were alright. Throughout this delightful number, he takes care to sound like the kind of guy that DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL beat up at highschool, and repeats the mantra: 'I'll never be man enough for you.' No, but he'll have nicer cardigans than her. And melodies! And more cardigans than her. And cardigans with—[Shut up. –Ed.]
AZTEC CAMERA – The Boy Wonders, High Land, Hard Rain (1983)
More souffle-voiced Scottish apology-pop. Never heard of them? Don't worry—neither has That Guy From SIMPLE PLAN. And he's managed to remain cool and poignant and an artist regardless.
JULEE CRUISE – Rockin' Back Inside My Heart, Floating Into The Night (1989)
In between hanging with David Lynch, painting her nails and doing a 30-second TV spot for Diazepam on Japanese TV for a quick buck, Ms. Cruise kidnapped and chloroformed a jazz band, pressed play on a Casiotone keyboard, and recorded this track. She then woke up the musicians, played the recording back and asked their opinion while serving them tea. They said they liked it.
BELLE AND SEBASTIAN – Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying, If You're Feeling Sinister (1996)
What happens when NASA sets out to construct the perfect popsong—three years, five billion dollars and seven Austrian geneticists later. Also what happens when frontman Stuart Murdoch coats MORRISSEY's lyrics with NICK DRAKE's voice, and convinces everyone he's ever met to: a) buy a ukulele, b) join his band, and c) be a part of the best melodies since the invention of the major second interval. Bonus points, too, for ensuring that I received a 'faggot!' shout-out from a gang of ponytailed men in QUEENSRYCHE t-shirts while purchasing this record. Yes, it is that good...
SPAIN – Ten Nights, The Blue Moods Of Spain (1995)
Not exactly twee; one could imagine Humphrey Bogart listening to this while not-crying over a broad. It's all smoke and noir lighting and broken vocals and I-could-be-consoling-myself-with-booze-and-porn-but-I'm-creating-art-so-nyah. And lots. Of space between the notes. I mean. Lots. Makes LOW sound like MINOR THREAT.
© Reuben Ham
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