By Scott Bowden
March 31, 2005
The Rowdy Scotts: KFR colonel Scott Bowden and Comics 101 prof Scott Tipton meet in the proverbial steel cage to predict the finishes of WrestleMania 21.
Bowden: When Comics 101 professor Scott Tipton threw down the gauntlet, challenging me to a WrestleMania pickoff, I accepted, saying to myself, “Hmmph… You should really stick to Green Lantern, boy.” I mean, who’s more qualified to predict the outcomes of the WWE’s biggest show of the year? Mark-again Tipton, whose idea of a classic title match is the Hulk Hogan conquest of the Iron Sheik in 1984, or me, who managed former NWA World champion Tommy Rich? (Granted, that’s a close call.) So I accepted this challenge with the same smugness as when Tipton asked me to take his recent super-hero Comics 101 quiz. Funny: When I first read over Tipton’s predictions for WrestleMania, I was surprised at how I thought so much differently than he. See, I always lean toward the heels getting the win, as it extends the program and (ideally) leads to money-making rematches, unless it’s a blow-off. Cases in point: the classic formulas for past WWF champs and even AWA Southern champ Jerry Lawler. The babyface champs would lose two or three matches in a row to the heel and then finally get the win back in the blow-off, usually a Cage Match or a Texas Death bout. Looking back at the last few Manias (and really, WWE programming in general), it seems that perhaps I’m going to do the job for Tipton: Babyfaces tend to win more these days, which doesn’t bode well for me…
Tipton: First off, I’d like to state for the record that it’s criminal that here we are mere days from WrestleMania and there’s still no World Tag bout on the card. Granted, the tag division has been sucking in the wind for years now (and a lengthy tenure with La Resistance certainly did the titles no favors), but to have two guys as talented as Tajiri and William Regal and not use them on the biggest show of the year is just asinine. And certainly better use of them could have been made than their involvement in what will undoubtedly be this year’s WrestleMania low point, the Trish/Christy match.
Bowden: Until Jerry Lawler’s announcement on Monday’s RAW officially put the kibosh on the idea, I was thinking that a bout for the so-called “World” tag titles would be added to the show. I’m at least hoping Tajiri and William Regal get a payday in the form of a PPV dark match on HEAT. (I hope they’re not relegated to that free exhibition on the corner of Highland and Hollywood, which should put a Cobra Clutch on traffic in L.A., already a Nightmare Ken Wayne in this town.) That being said, I don’t see how WrestleMania 21 could benefit by having a Tajiri/William Regal vs. La Resistance bout. (The fact that La Resistance are the only logical contenders on the RAW side should give you an idea of what a shambles the tag situation is within the company.) Really, the only idea that would have interested casual fans would have been a World tag showdown with the RAW kingpins vs. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio, the SMACKDOWN! champs. Some have also complained that those guys aren’t defending their titles either, but you have to admit that Guerrero vs. Rey will more than likely lie, cheat and steal the whole show, with Michaels vs. Angle a close second. While I’m all for building the titles back up, I prefer this situation to last year’s tag title matches (both Fatal Four Ways), which meant absolutely nothing—merely convenient ways to showcase as much talent as possible.
Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme:
Tipton: Look, I want to see hot-looking women on TV as much as the next guy, but the way WWE has completely butchered their women’s division over the past few months has been a real shame. After all the work that was done last year by talented workers like Trish Stratus, Victoria, Molly Holly, Jazz and even less capable but still hard-working types like Nidia and Gail Kim, seeing them put the belt on Hemme (which, I’m sad to say, seems all but inevitable) just to try to sell more issues of PLAYBOY leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. The addition of Lita as Christy’s manager doesn’t help sell the match any more either, nor did the involvement of Regal and Tajiri in the build-up to the title match. In fact, the only selling point to the whole endeavor has been Trish’s fine heel work – Trish has blossomed into her bad-guy role so perfectly, it’s hard to believe it was only a year ago she was stumbling through her first “evil Trish” promo just after WrestleMania 20. Hemme is okay in her role, the best in a bad bunch as the “Diva Winner,” but certainly not worthy of a win here. Unfortunately, that’s my prediction.
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Bowden: I disagree with Tipton on two points here: 1) I don’t think WWE will put the title on Hemme just yet, despite the PLAYBOY-related push. Actually, I feel ridiculous even discussing the Ladies championship, when obviously WWE doesn’t view belts as anything other than forgettable props nowadays. I don’t think the densest mark would buy that Hemme could beat Trish, even with Lita’s help. Besides, if Lawler’s recent on-air comments are any indication, it looks like Lita might be going heel, anyway. Sluts are always heels, right? (Not necessarily in my book, but….) 2) Trish took to her new heel role like Tommy Rich to a cheap six-pack immediately at last year’s ‘Mania. Since that time, she’s only gotten better, turning into the bitch you love to hate. She’s so good now that maybe her past work doesn’t hold up as well.. I think she’ll sell her scrumptious ass off for Hemme, but will come out on top (ahem) in the end.
Big Show vs. Akebono:
Tipton: Another one that’s got stinker written all over it. I’m admittedly a huge Big Show mark (hell, I even like his entrance music, and I think I’m the only one), and even I would rather see him left off the card than stuck in a gimmick match with a guy no one here has ever heard of, especially if it means we might be forced to see Show in those sumo pants. Since I can’t imagine this Akebono character (a legitimate sumo competitor) would agree to come in for one night only and lose, it looks like another losing WrestleMania for the Big Show.
Bowden: You weep for the Big Show, Tipton? I’ll bet the Professor is the only one who even noticed that Big Show has a losing streak on the big show. Tipton’s a mark for the Show, so it must have pained him to make that prediction. Fear not: I can’t see WWE bringing in somebody for one night to put them over an established star. Oh, wait—they did that with LT over Bam Bam Bigelow, didn’t they? Still, I’ll go with the Show here, winning in controversial fashion (ceremonial salt in the eyes, anyone?), leaving Akebono with an excuse back home.
Piper’s Pit featuring Stone Cold Steve Austin:
Tipton: This really could go either way. Both Rowdy Roddy Piper and Austin, when inspired, can deliver incredibly entertaining moments behind the mic, but I can just as easily see the two men, both perhaps a touch overconfident in their promo abilities, not think the segment through or prepare properly and wind up with a real snoozer. Which really sucks when you’re paying through the nose to see it on pay-per-view. I think it’s safe to say that however this bit progresses, it ends with Piper taking a Stone Cold Stunner, which is pretty much all we’re looking for from these two.
Bowden: Y’know, I’m usually supportive when pros like Austin and Piper criticize today’s promos for being too scripted. Even back in my day, you were given a direction, a few points to get across, and then it was up to you to deliver it the way your “character” would. That being said, they better have something for Austin and Piper to do because otherwise this could turn into another Piper/Morton Downey Jr. debacle. OK, OK, there’s no way it will be that bad, but my point is that just having two of the best promo guys the business has ever heard won’t be enough if they have nothing to say. I’m thinking maybe Hassan interrupts the proceedings, which leads to a Stunner and a beer-sharing celebration between Piper and Austin.
Undertaker vs. Randy Orton:
Tipton: I’ll be very surprised if the much-vaunted Undertaker WrestleMania winning streak winds up sacrificed to young Master Randall here. Orton’s already looked on as damaged goods thanks to his truncated title reign and ill-advised face turn, and having him beat up a leggy supermodel in a last-ditch attempt to make him a bad guy doesn’t really put a lot of heat on him going in. At this point, I think Undertaker’s winning streak is either best sacrificed to someone else next year, or else left as a going-away present to the retiring ‘Taker, for whenever he finally decides to hang it up. If ‘Taker decides to sell for Orton, as he did for Triple H a couple of years ago, it could still be a pretty solid match, though.
Bowden: In my never-ending quest to have the heels go over, I’m predicting an Orton win. Let’s face it—the kid needs it. The only reason I think that Orton might not get the victory is because the company won’t be in a position to immediately give the win back to the ‘Taker, which seems to now be a staple of the booking. While they could get away with ‘Taker getting the three count, and Orton getting his heat back with a post-match attack (which the Dead Man probably wouldn’t sell anyway), I think they need to pull the trigger and invest in their future. Like it or not, Orton, preferably as a heel, is the future. Besides, there aren’t too many more years left for a win over the Undertaker at WrestleMania to really mean something.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio:
Tipton: This could be the surprise show-stealer this year, provided Eddie and Rey are given enough time to really get going. It’s a shame that Eddie’s WWE title reign wasn’t longer, as he really deserved a better run with the belt, but at least this match should provide him with a good spotlight, especially with such a strong opponent. In fact, Mysterio, who has nicely managed to evade SMACKDOWN!’s cruiserweight ghetto, is rumored to be in line for a big push in the year to come, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see Rey-Rey come out the winner here. Either way, this looks to be one of this year’s WrestleMania highlights.
Bowden: This isn’t really a new storyline, as months ago the two were matched up, with Rey-squared getting two consecutive UPN-televised pinfalls over Eddie. It really looked like Eddie was going heel at that time. I expect payback here, with the liar, cheater and stealer doing what he does best to get the win, although I don’t think necessarily think this will lead to a full-fledged turn by Guerrero. I can almost see Eddie rejecting Chavo’s interference, leading to a Rey win; however, for some reason, I just can’t see Eddie dropping this one.
Six-Man Ladder Match – Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Edge vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane vs. Christian:
Tipton: Another very promising match – all the workers involved here are so talented, it’s hard to imagine this not being one of the best matches on the show. Everybody in the match is worthy of a title run, with the possible exception of Shelton Benjamin, who, while first-rate in the ring, could use a little more time to get really comfortable doing big-money promos. As for my pick, I’d always like to see the perpetually overlooked Chris Jericho get another high-profile storyline, but I’m guessing Edge will get the nod here.
Bowden: Man, Benjamin really looked like an ass when he held up his IC title in the faces of Jericho and Benoit last Monday. Guess he didn’t remember that Benoit beat his ass two weeks ago and didn’t care enough about the championship to even request a title match the following week. But then I suppose that would be logical booking, and we can’t have that, can we? The IC champ followed that up by doing a job for Christian in a tag bout. (I would complain about that result, but I’ve been dying for Christian to get a win—any win—on RAW for weeks now; with the exception of Benoit, nobody works harder on the RAW side than Christian.) An Edge win makes the most sense, which means it probably won’t happen. Given McMahon’s tendency to go with a big man—not to mention the creative team’s tendencies to trade defeats for wins—I’ll go with Kane here. (You think he did that quick job for Batista for nothing?) A better long-term investment would be to have Benjamin get a little more aggressive in his quest for recognition as the IC champ and steal the win—probably won’t happen.
Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle:
Tipton: I’m probably looking forward to this more than any match on the show. Not only is there the potential for a true classic with these two greats working together for the first time, but the build-up for it has been deliberate and well-thought out, whether it be HBK’s sneak attack incognito at SMACKDOWN!, the surprisingly enjoyable comeback of Marty Janetty, or Angle’s hilarious and somewhat disturbing Shawn Michaels impersonation, complete with tights that lived up to their name a little too well, if you know what I mean. I’ll admit to being a little slow to get on the Shawn Michaels bandwagon, as I only became a wrestling fan in 2000, and my only previous exposure to him before his comeback was as a special ref in the HHH-Rock Iron Man match, in which he wore what looked like a pair of cutoff bicycle shorts that were most unpleasant to see sliding around the mat for sixty minutes. However, since his return, Michaels has proven to be one of the most consistent and spectacular performers on the RAW roster, immediately securing a deserved place at the top of the card. And as for Angle, well, he’s never failed to come through with a less than stellar performance in big-match situations, and even if he’s not quite as capable as he was three years ago, Kurt Angle working at two-thirds steam is still better than most guys on either roster. I’m guessing it’ll be Michaels who gets the win here, just to provide a triumphant WrestleMania moment for video, but the loss won’t hurt Angle one bit, especially if the match manages to live up to expectations.
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Bowden: I’m not playing devil’s advocate with Tipton—really. But I think Angle will get the win after he and HBK tear the house down. Interference by Marty Jannetty or Sherri Martel shouldn’t be ruled out, but I don’t think it’s needed here, as it would cheapen what will undoubtedly be a classic. Another argument for not having a RAW tag title match: giving these two masters of the mat enough time to tell their story, unlike the somewhat disappointing HBK-Flair bout last year. By the way, I did my best years ago to educate the Prof about how damn good Michaels was at one time, but those biker shorts made it a tough sell. Happy that Tipton’s been able to look past the biker shorts (man, that’s a weird thing to type) and see the man at work.
John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena:
Tipton: I’ve not been a big fan of the JBL title reign. In fact, it’s pretty much single-handedly driven me away from SMACKDOWN! in recent months. Not that I think JBL himself is all that bad in the ring or on the mic, but it seemed to me that his push to the top was far too rushed, and expecting me to buy into wins over Guerrero, the Undertaker, the Big Show and pretty much everyone else on the roster was asking a lot. As a result, I’m surprised to find myself looking forward to this match as much as I am. I tuned back in to SMACKDOWN! last week and caught the Cena/JBL “debate” segment, and was pleased to see that not only has JBL improved in leaps and bounds with his “rich snob” character (which wasn’t really that bad to start with; it just needed to be cultivated a little longer before putting the belt on him), but Cena has smartly tweaked his hip-hop thug persona, giving it a little more of the “working-class slob” appeal to contrast with Layfield, and it works quite well. As for the match itself, well, JBL is still little more than an accomplished brawler, and Cena can be carried through to a great match by a superior worker, and I’m not sure JBL fits the bill. As for the title, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them hold off on giving Cena the belt until a rematch on the next PPV, so as to provide more focus for the other title match.
Bowden: I’m with Tipton in that I think the JBL character is underrated. While I’ve been as tough as anyone on JBL, I do recall that I was all for his initial transition from Satanic flunky for the ‘Taker to financial-genius snob—if anything, because it was an extension of Bradshaw’s true personality. Ideally, I’d like to see WWE put off giving Cena the strap, as I think there’s money to be had in the chase; however, I wonder if they can resist giving their future top babyface (hell, he’s probably already the top babyface) the mega-push at WrestleMania—especially in Hollywood. I’m calling for the upset, with Cena getting the strap, making him quite possibly the next Rock. Cena’s been missing something, at least for me—a title win, thereby educating the fans that he’s truly the real deal—might just be it.
Triple H vs. Batista:
Tipton: Proving that the WWE creative staff does at least have a short-term memory, Batista’s main-event push has been everything that Randy Orton’s wasn’t: well-paced, smartly thought-out, patient and logical, as well as one other important factor. It played to Batista’s strengths, allowing him to slowly get the fans on his side by subtly showing him quietly and discretely recognizing Triple H’s machinations and outthinking him without appearing to be in outright rebellion. By playing it so slowly and cleverly (with much credit going to Batista here for a wry, subtle performance in the vignettes that a lot of guys wouldn’t have been capable of, and certainly came as a surprise to me coming from the former “Deacon Batista”), when Big Dave finally did turn on Triple H, the crowd went for it in a big way and have been onboard ever since. Hopefully the match will be kept relatively short, as Batista’s best when he’s pushed as a monster, although his in-ring work has most definitely improved greatly in the last year and a half or so. I’m calling this one for Batista, with a title change coming as the show’s climax, and hopefully a nice vacation for Triple H to follow. Please?
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Bowden: Part of the reason I’m going with Cena in the aforementioned title bout is that I have the sneaking suspicion that Trips isn’t going to drop the strap just yet to Batista. This might be a first: I agree that the time just doesn’t seem right to take the belt off the perennial RAW champ. Yes, Batista is over; however, you can tell how much faith creative has in him: RAW’s debate was horribly scripted, as I guess they figured the less they gave Batista, the less likely he’d screw it up. Unlike Austin, whose personality was tailor-made for cussin’, Batista using “asshole” didn’t work for me; it came off like a cheap pop, especially after thanking Triple H and Flair. Really, between the two, Cena has more potential as a character, so I think he’ll grab the spotlight in LA, leaving Batista in the chasing-the-champ role. Plus, can’t you just hear Triple H reasoning with creative over keeping the strap: “I just dropped the title last year to Benoit. We really should swerve the people, so they don’t think the strap will change every year at WrestleMania.” I think Orton will realign with Trips, perhaps interfering to enable the champ to leave L.A. with the gold. I will concede that I think Batista’s not a bad choice down the road—I believe he and Orton could have a money program this time next year. I wholeheartedly agree with the Prof on one point: I hope they keep it short, as the memory of Trips’ near-30-minute PPV bout with Scott Steiner is still with me.
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