By Scott Bowden
April 7, 2005
Great Scott: Tipton trounces Bowden in the pick ‘em contest for WrestleMania, a great show that saw John Cena and Batista crowned champions.
Bowden: In a not-so-stunning upset, Comics 101 prof Scott Tipton made me tap in the first (and last) WrestleMania pickoff. Given my status as the former manager of wrestling champions (Jerry Lawler, Tommy Rich and Doug Gilbert, to but a few), I had nothing to gain, and everything to lose. But at least Tipton’s not the kind of guy to crow about something like this.
Tipton: That’s 5-3 for me, Bowden. So much for a background in the business. Looks like my finely honed “mark-sense” comes out on top.
Bowden: Sigh.
Tipton: Actually, it’s probably more of a case of my being exposed only to Vince-brand wrestling that allowed me to more accurately predict how things would come out, as opposed to your predictions, which actually made sense and would have led to superior programming.
Bowden: Don’t placate me, boy.
Tipton: As for the show itself, I was very impressed. Probably the best all-around Wrestlemania in the last five years, in terms of quality matches and show pacing.
Bowden: That’s Tipton’s point of reference—the last five years. He wasn’t even around for WrestleMania IX, the classic show featuring Doink the Clown over Kona Crush, and the Undertaker defeating Giant Gonzalez, with Jim Ross calling the action dressed in a toga. Guys like me ordered PPVs like this back in the day and kept the former Fed alive so that you could enjoy the comparatively amazing show you saw Sunday. That being said, I agree with Tipton about the pacing, especially compared to last year’s show, which dragged because it was stuffed with meaningless skits and bouts. (Not that I couldn’t have done without some parts of this year’s show, but....) Before I defer back to the Pick ‘Em champion, I’d like to say that some people have complained about the lengthy video reviews of what led to the match prior to the start of some of the key bouts. After all, we’ve already ordered the show, so what’s the point? Well, I think most of us are so fanatical that either we tape the PPVs or order the DVD afterward if it was a hot show. Those recaps have value years down the road, as it’s nice to have all the angles that you maybe you’ve forgotten about in one spot (instead of spread out over a few tapes or DVD-Rs), including the bout itself. That being said, it’s a shame that the inclusion of the videos does eat at the time allotted for the actual bouts themselves, especially when JBL vs. John Cena in particular needed at least 10 more minutes to come off like a true World-championship-caliber bout. (More on that later.) Now, I don’t know they they chose to show all those WM trailers again. Yes, most of them were clever. (Sadomasochistic activity, anyone? Just asking.) But they’ve been shoved down our throats for months now.
Tipton: All the show really needed was a quality women’s match and I wouldn’t have had anything to complain about. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case…
Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme:
Tipton: Whoo, was this a stinker. Trish was trying her hardest, but Christy was just much too inexperienced for this high-profile a match, and man, did it show. Between her ridiculous “fists-out” fighting stance, and her inability to even properly sell running the ropes, Christy looked completely lost out there – at times you could even see Trish screaming instructions at Christy: never a good sign. Trish got through it like a pro, even managing to mostly cover for a botched pin attempt by Christy. Lita was a non-factor in this thing, so much so that you have to even wonder why they bothered to bring her back for it at all. It was only Trish that made this even remotely watchable, with her hilarious “bad-knee” gesture to Lita and her spot-on parody of Christy’s ridiculous little dance.
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Bowden: Does anybody even need a more detailed description of this abortion? Other than that fact that I called this as a win for Trish? I, too, marked out for Trish’s mocking that silly Hemme dance. (Actually, that wasn’t even the worst dance of the day—what the hell was Batista doing when he made his entrance? At least he didn’t slip and fall like Goldberg did when he added “karate” kicks to his entrance right before a PPV bout with Triple H. More on that later.) Would have been completely unwatchable, but Trish is so damn talented that she almost pulled this off. Given the nature of the spots, you could tell they practiced this bout for hours, but Hemme was tentative, even with the basics like running the ropes—a dead giveaway of a performer’s inexperience. I’ve been a critic of Hemme’s, but there’s no way she should have been put in this position. They could have promoted her PLAYBOY appearance by merely having her in somebody’s corner.
Big Show vs. Akebono:
Tipton: Dear God, did I see more of Big Show in this than I ever wanted, needed or expected to.
Bowden: That’s strong coming from a Big Show mark like Tipton.
Tipton: At least it was mercifully brief. Big credit to Show here for being a good sport, not only taking the pinfall here, but quite literally “showing ass” like few WWE wrestlers have been asked to do. Let’s hope Big Show got a Big Check for it.
Bowden: I think we deserve a Big Check as well. Anyway, this was OK, but I just don’t understand the point of it. I sorta liked Big Show and Akebono laughing it off and walking back like chums—like it was no big defeat for the Show. Also a nice touch: Show doing some comedy during his entrance, teasing a little leg while still attired in his robe.
Piper’s Pit featuring Stone Cold Steve Austin:
Tipton: Piper and Austin came through big-time here, providing a satisfying confrontation that not only gave newer fans a taste of what both great talkers were like in their prime, but, thanks to the unexpected inclusion of the annoying Carlito Caribbean Cool, gave both Piper and Austin a chance to look good with a little non-sanctioned physical activity. By giving both Roddy and Stone Cold a stooge to beat on, fans got to see both men kick a little ass without making them favor one over the other. Good stuff.
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Bowden: Yeah, I just had the wrong stooge picked, as I went with Hassan and his flunky as the ones who would get abused; instead, they fed those two to Hulk Hogan in a hokey yet entertaining segment. This was about as good as it could be, as Piper showed up in a big way. Everything from his delivery (with the possible exception of “Bullshit!”) to his facial expressions were spot-on, almost like he’d never been away. It even looked like he’d dropped about 20 pounds. Makes you wonder: Where was this Piper on the SMACKDOWN! version of the Pit a year ago? The appearance of Austin again made it evident that the company doesn’t have a babyface over nearly as much as the Rattlesnake—and he’s been off TV for a while now.
Undertaker vs. Randy Orton:
Tipton: Another strong match here, with ‘Taker dominating early on, but slowly beginning to sell for Orton’s building offense. The run-in of Randy’s dad Cowboy Bob Orton, complete with his old-school plaster cast on his wrist, was a perfect and welcome bit of outside interference (and how great was it to see Cowboy Bob still selling the injuries sustained in the run-in when he appeared later in the show for his Hall of Fame introduction?), while the finishing sequence with Orton reversing ‘Taker’s Last Ride finisher into the RKO was both surprising and expertly executed. With Orton facing shoulder surgery and due to be out for a few months, the finish was the only one that made sense, but they put on an excellent performance for Randy’s temporary farewell.
Bowden: Most ridiculous comment of the night came by Michael Cole: “The Undertaker’s 13-0 at WrestleMania. That’s like winning 13 straight Super Bowls!” Cole continues to astound with his knowledge of the business and the sporting world in general. Ah, seeing Cowboy Bob swinging that cast again brought back memories of the first WrestleMania—at least he connected with his intended target this time. I’ll say it again: These old-timers like Piper and Bob are so talented with telling a story with their facial expressions. Bob was priceless in the angle on SMACKDOWN!, and he did a great job here when ‘Taker kicked out after the cast shot. I would have popped big time if that had led to the finish but I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t. Really, I felt that way throughout the match, because while I predicted/hoped for an Orton win, I didn’t think they’d pull the trigger and try to elevate Orton to the company’s hottest heel star in years. Instead, the legend of the Undertaker remains intact, and in rather dominating fashion as well, despite a few near falls. ‘Taker did sell more for Orton than others, so I guess that’s saying something. But despite Orton’s needing time off for the injury, I would have given him the win, giving him four long months to crow about it as he recuperates. Imagine: ‘Taker stewing about the loss, and the anticipation building before Orton is brought back and forced to work with the Dead Man—especially on a star-starved SMACKDOWN! PPV that could use all the help it could get. Anyway, the match itself was very solid, although Orton seemed tentative at first, perhaps because of the injury. Once his adrenaline got going, he was great, and I loved the near falls…mostly because Tipton was kicking my ass at this point and I desperately needed a win.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio:
Tipton: A strong opener for the show, if just a touch too short. Rey’s victory here was the right call, as it should both help push Rey onto bigger and better things and spur Eddie to his necessary heel turn, allowing him to get back his edge and head back into title contention. One thing I’ve noticed about Rey that he really needs to think twice about: he always wants to have a flashy new outfit for WrestleMania, which is great, but it always seems to involve a new mask that he’s not confident in, and what should be his best performance of the year winds up more tentative than it should be, thanks to his repeatedly and nervously securing his mask. We’re here to see you, Rey, not the outfit. Next year wear an old mask you can relax in, and concentrate on blowing us away in the ring.
Bowden: This was OK—not great. Disappointing because I thought going in they might steal the show.
Six-Man Ladder Match – Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Edge vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane vs. Christian:
Tipton: Amazing things on display here: all six men worked their asses off and provided more than their share of “holy shit” moments for this year’s big show. Especially notable were Shelton Benjamin’s daredevil run up the propped-up ladder to the top of another one, his equally impressive T-Bone suplex on Edge off the top of a ladder, Chris Benoit’s suicide headbutt from up top, and his flurry of headbutts on Kane while both men were perched atop a 10-foot ladder. Hopefully all six walked away with only a few bumps and bruises, but it was quite the spectacle nonetheless.
Bowden: Kudos to the boys for coming up with some innovative “Holy-shit”-worthy spots, which is not easy to do after so many high-profile Ladder Matches. Last week, I called for Benjamin to get the win, elevating him to a credible IC champ. And while the Edge win makes sense story-line wise (which is exactly why I thought he wouldn’t snag the briefcase), as it turns out Benjamin might have been the better choice after all. His daredevil spots had the crowd actually chanting his name—I’ll bet that was a first. Still, at least he got the win the next night on RAW in another strong bout with Jericho and Christian. So, Edge wins the bout, and with Batista winning the strap later from Triple H, you think maybe they’re going to start building him up for a World title bout against the new champ. Instead, Edge loses to Benoit by pinfall the very next night on RAW. Now, I’m all for keeping Benoit strong, but not at the expense of the man who just won a contract to wrestle for the World title. I mean, Edge needs all the credibility he can get, especially if they expect the fans to buy him as a legit World title contender.
Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle:
Tipton: Wow. Just wow.
Bowden: I’ll say it again: Wow.
Tipton: Easily worth the price of admission all by itself. This just might be the single best match I’ve ever seen, most definitely in the top five (this despite Shawn Michaels coming out in an outfit that looked like a chandelier threw up). Given plenty of time to work, Angle and Michaels took their time drawing in the crowd, starting with plenty of mat-based grappling before moving on to more brawling and high-impact moves. It’s a rare thing to see two pros so talented and so confident in the ring that they can bring the crowd to their feet with just the implication of a move, such as in a bit where it looked like Angle was going to give Michaels a German suplex off the apron over his head and onto the announce table. The final sequence of moves, with Angle repeatedly slapping the ankle lock onto Michaels and HBK reversing it more often and holding out longer than anyone I can remember, had the audience on its feet both in the Staples Center and in my living room. Seriously.
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Bowden: This was the only bout on the card that had the aura of a World title bout. God, can you imagine John Cena and Batista in the dressing room watching this bout, knowing that they had to follow it? Simply outstanding. I marked out. Tipton marked out. Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross marked out, sounding like it was the most fun they’d had in years calling a match. I loved so many moments of the bout: the early mat wresting, the intense brawling, the high-flying moves, and most of all, Angle with blood dripping out his mouth like Gene Simmons as he screamed for his foe to tap. Like Tipton, I bought into most of the false finishes—especially that reversal by Michaels out of the second or third ankle lock and into a rollup—because you really could see either man getting the win. Even the simple psychology of Angle waist-locking Michaels on the ring apron and threatening to suplex him onto the table provided high drama. Lived up to the high expectations and more.
John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena:
Tipton: JBL and Cena did the best they could here, delivering a satisfying brawl that couldn’t compare to the clinic Angle and Michaels had put on earlier, but gave me more than I expected. The L.A. crowd was firmly behind Cena here, and putting the belt on him was certainly well received. Good enough for what it was.
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Bowden: Can’t argue with getting the strap off JBL and elevating Cena, who’s loaded with star potential. They didn’t have time to build any real sense of drama, although, that might have been futile anyway because nobody believes in the WWE strap anymore. It immediately lost credibility in the weeks after Brock Lesnar’s title win over the Rock, when the brands split and Triple H was named World champ. The bout would have been more than just average had it just been a dark match added to appease the live crowd after a SMACKDOWN! taping. But this was the biggest show and the year, and, as it turns out, Cena’s big push toward superstardom. They needed more—instead they came off rushed, with the finish really coming out of nowhere. (Cena really needs a new finish—the FU’s a pretty lame finish—but then I thought that the first time I saw the People’s Elbow, too, so what do I know?) Prior to the finish, the crowd was dead, but again, I think that was more because of the anticipation of the bout for the “real” World title, which was up next.
Triple H vs. Batista:
Tipton: Confession time: despite my being as sick of Triple H as champ as every other wrestling fan on the planet, when Motorhead struck up the Game’s old theme song live and Triple H rose up from the platform beneath, I marked out like the Triple H fan I was four years ago.
Bowden: I marked out, too, as it brought back memories of Jerry Lawler rising up from a smoke-filled platform to return to his kingdom in 1981 after sitting out a year with a broken leg. (Lawler told me he had been inspired by KISS, who had used the nearly the exact same entrance during their performance at the Mid-South Coliseum months before.)
Tipton: I was ready to accept Hunter keeping the belt with a smile on my face, that moment was so cool. You had to feel sorry for poor Batista, coming out a few minutes later trying to follow that entrance.
Bowden: Yeah, but that dance?! Where exactly did he get that wiggle? He should return it immediately. Apparently, it’s going to become a staple of his entrance, as he did just about the same thing the next night on RAW.
Tipton: As it turned out, Batista didn’t need anyone’s pity, not only coming through with his best performance ever in a WWE ring, but walking away with the World title as well. While it also suffered in comparison to Angle/Michaels, Hunter and Big Dave worked well together, better than Triple H has with most of his recent matches with fellows not named Michaels or Benoit. Can Batista live up to the potential here, not only working with folks perhaps less capable of carrying him to a great match, but holding his own in the promo department as well? Only time will tell, but for tonight, I’m happy.
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Bowden: I thought Triple H carried Batista to a pretty damn good bout, especially the last 10 minutes or so. The early going was a bit awkward, as Batista’s nerves and inexperience likely the culprits. Still, he shook a rough start and worked his ass off. I was really impressed with Triple H—his work is as good as it’s ever been of late. It’s just that the crap that followed the next night on RAW really turns me off the guy. Triple H’s promo itself was fine as the whiny, bitter ex-champ (a role he’s mastered by now)—but to open the show with that? I mean, this is supposed to be, at the very least, the appearance of a new era, and they ring it in with Triple H reminding us that the belt’s coming right back to him when he damn well pleases. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but the new champ doesn’t even get interview time? I know Batista’s not polished on the mic and perhaps they didn’t want him to lose momentum with a bad promo, but c’mon, the big guy’s gotta learn sometimes if he’s carrying the strap. I think that’s why I was calling for Triple H to retain—the whole title switch seems rushed, as Batista isn’t that great on the mic or in the ring. Yes, he’s over like crazy and the company desperately needs new stars, but I just don’t think the crowd’s gonna buy him as champ, especially when he doesn’t even get interview time. I think that’s everyone’s beef with Triple H: He drops the belt to a guy who either isn’t ready or who isn’t properly pushed afterward, and it’s so convenient for them to go right back with Triple H as champ.
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