By Scott Bowden
September 8, 2005
KFR Heat Lamp: Vince McMahon pledges his allegiance to the USA Network, while perverted patriot Kurt Angle vows to up the gold standard. Scott Bowden also looks at Chris Masters and an outdoor show featuring a slimmed-down Tommy Rich
USA, USA, USA: With Spike TV going on the offensive with professional spots promoting TNA’s future timeslot (and Monday’s UFC life after RAW on the network), Vince McMahon has pulled down the proverbial King Lawler strap with the announcement of a loaded RAW return to USA Network. A recent WWE press release states that among those appearing on the Oct. 3 USA show include Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, Mick Foley and Triple H. The release goes on to promise that “even Mr. McMahon himself will make an appearance.” (Whoa. You could cut the egos in the air on that night with Abdullah the Butcher’s razorblade.)
The RAW move back to USA is almost as beneficial as the SMACKDOWN! shift to Friday nights on UPN is harmful to the company. (As if the much-desired 18-34 male demographic needed another reason to not stay home Friday night.)
Hip replacement: With the addition of the comparatively younger Coach to the RAW announce team, it appears as if Jerry Lawler has traded in the Milton Berle joke books that he used to read to kill time in Memphis-area dressing rooms for something a little more timely. (Jon Stewart, perhaps?) Lawler’s recent on-air comment about rap mogul Suge Knight’s shooting, along with comparing Kerwin White’s skin color to that of an iPod clearly shows that the King is not out of touch with today’s audience. (Cough.) Overall, the three-man booth experiment has been annoying, with Lawler and Coach tripping over each other to be humorous, leaving J.R. to deal with two earfuls of ridiculous comments while he’s trying to help tell the story of the match. I will concede that, in a way, the competition has been good for Lawler, who has been a little sharper of late—that is, when he’s not trying too hard to sound younger.
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Unbreakable…or just unbearable?: I read in the returning Ross Report on wwe.com that J.R. is confident that young Chris Masters “has the look.” (Then again, J.R. also appeared optimistic about the Oklahoma Sooners’ 2005 season.) Yes, apparently, J.R. and WWE Creative apparently think this kid has a shot of being the next Rick Rude or Ken Patera. Most likely, he’s the WWE’s next Narcissist Lex Luger, who at one time probably had a more physically commanding presence than Masters does right now. Not only is Masters handcuffed with a cheesy, late ’80s/early ’90s-type gimmick, but the script writers aren’t doing him any favors either. Hell, how’s a kid supposed to find his personality—or more specifically, expand upon his own true personality—when he has to strictly adhere to a poorly crafted script?
No wonder guys like Steve Austin despise the increased influence the script writers have nowadays—you think a failed sitcom writer could have come up with “Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass?!”
Masters appears to have a long way to go in the ring as well, but I’ve certainly seen worse—but only because I recall The Warlord’s reign of terror in the Former Fed. Granted, Masters’ facial expressions have been actually pretty good during some of his interactions with Michaels, who apparently can nearly carry guys outside the ring as well as he can inside it. But while the kid may have “the look,” I just don’t get the feeling he has “it.”
Sheesh—having Masters involved in these closing segments of RAW week after week is really starting to make me long for the reappearance of Triple H.
Take that?: I know those lame backstage RAW vignettes are taped, so how did that particular take with Matt Hardy and Eric Bischoff discussing the upcoming UNFORGIVEN cage bout with Edge make it on the air? An angle that took a positive step forward last week with a brutal, inconclusive street fight bout (which should have taken place at SUMMERSLAM) took a step back as during the skit Hardy sounded like a wrestler reading a script. Not for this angle, boys.
Patriot games: Loved Kurt Angle’s shoot-like comments regarding his own badass self on RAW this past week while dismissing John Cena’s WWE title reign as a façade on the public. (Notice I wrote “shoot-like”—I’m not suggesting anything controversial.) The promo, and really, the program as a whole, works for me because Angle’s agitation about a thug like Cena being champ makes sense—perfectly in line with a legit (slightly insane) Olympic gold medalist. (Not so sure about the red-white-and-blue mouthpiece that Angle wore in the further dismantling of Eugene, but that’s nitpicking.) Angle’s saying exactly what he needs to say, and the evolution of his character is finally taking another step. Makes you wonder why WWE Creative can’t build up more matches this effectively. Clearly, somebody knows what they’re doing over there. I hate for Cena to drop the belt so soon, as I feel the kid needs a decent shot, but I don’t see how Vince can deny Angle one more run. Ideally, I’d like to see Cena win the first bout at UNFORGIVEN, building the two up for a rematch. I wrote weeks ago that it would have been a natural (Memphis-like) approach if Angle had put up his gold medal after falling in his first title bout with Cena. A gold vs. the gold match would have been interesting…had they not wasted that angle by having Eugene parade around the medal first. Would have been much funnier to see Cena spinning that sucker around makeshift gold chain. Ah, well. The promotion for Angle vs. Cena is the best thing on RAW, so I’d best just enjoy it rather than judge it.
Boys in the ‘hood: Kevin Lawler called me yesterday with a report about a unique show held in a cove near a park located just outside Memphis. Kevin made the trip with his brother, Brian, who appeared on the bill along with Dutch Mantel, Doug Gilbert, former NWA World champ Tommy Rich, Reggie B. Fine and a host of unknowns. Amazing: the ring was enveloped by pot smoke from the crowd. Even more amazing: Kevin says Rich looked good, having lost a lot of weight, and “Wildfire” appeared low key and serious. That’s great news for anyone who at one time was a fan of Tommy Rich…like me.
Back to school: Next week I’ll be reviewing ECW Press books MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING: UNSOLVED, WRESTLING AT THE CHASE and PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: THE TAG TEAMS, three strong releases that have helped me brush up on my rasslin’ history.
A final note: Most of you aren't aware of this, but American contractor Roy Hallums, who's been held captive in Iraq since last November, is my uncle. Wonderful
news: Roy has been rescued. My Uncle Roy will be returning to Memphis this Saturday, where a plate of Corky's finest pork ribs will surely be awaiting him. Having known the man for years, I can tell you he’s one of the kindest, most decent human beings I’ve ever
met. My cousin Amanda is on cloud nine right now, as is her little girl, Sabrina, who told my uncle that she’s “already celebrating in her head.” I believe we all are. God bless Roy and my entire family.
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