By Scott Bowden
September 15, 2005
Mystery Partners: Scott Bowden gets in the ring with “Sir” Adam and The Phantom, as they solve the MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING. Hey, it’s cheaper than calling Capt. Lou Albano’s hotline
My bedside table has been full of late. (Granted, there’s only so much room, what with that huge bottle of cheap Scotch and assorted prescription meds in the way.) This week, I’ll review MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING: SOLVED. After next week’s review of WWE’s UNFORGIVEN PPV, I’ll eventually examine two other releases from ECW Press: WRESTLING AT THE CHASE and THE PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: THE TAG TEAMS.
MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING: SOLVED
About two frustrating years after finally accepting the fact that pro wrestling was a work (you’d think the Kimala and Darth Vader gimmicks in Memphis would have been a dead giveaway years earlier), I finally discovered THE WRESTLING OBSERVER newsletter in early 1986.
Until to that point, a young mark’s only resources for learning about the business were Apter mags like INSIDE WRESTLING, THE WRESTLER and PRO WRESTLING ILLUSTRATED, three publications I subscribed to for years. (THE WRESTLING NEWS was more informative, but I could only seem to find it when attending a card at the Mid-South Coliseum.) THE OBSERVER, though, was different, with its trademark tiny tape and crude layout fitting perfectly with what was described at the time as an underground dirt sheet. Packed with news that I realized I wasn’t supposed to be reading, the OBSERVER was a real thrill for a 15-year-old fan of the biz.
I recall the first time I asked my hero Jerry Lawler a question regarding something I’d read in the OBSERVER. As the King autographed a photo for me as part of an appearance at a jewelry store at the Mall of Memphis, he glanced at me and asked, “Who the hell did you hear that from?” (Only in Memphis would a jewelry store bring in a pro wrestler to attract customers.) I have a feeling that if I’d said “Bill Apter” or “Jack Eaton” instead of “Dave Meltzer,” Lawler wouldn’t have shot me such a dirty look. (As it all turned out, it was the first of many dirty looks the King would give me years later during my short-lived career in the business.”)
Around 1990, teen mark Adam Kleinberg on the East Coast was also looking for a resource dedicated to the inner-workings of the business when he discovered a decidedly more expensive option than the OBSERVER: Capt. Lou Albano’s 99-cents-a-minute hotline. Fortunately, Kleinberg and fellow 15-year-old mark Adam Nudelman also became listeners of John Arezzi’s free wrestling radio show on WGBB in New York, or their entire college funds would have been wiped faster than you can say “WCW.”
Today, “Sir” Adam Kleinberg and Adam “The Phantom” Needleman host GET IN THE RING (GIR), a radio show dedicated to uncovering such mysteries of the ring as figuring what exactly that splotchy thing on Dusty Rhodes’ stomach really is (a birthmark—not a scar resulting from a Sheik Farhat fireball). Over the years, Sir Adam and the Phantom have interviewed such stars as Bret Hart, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Mick Foley. And when those guys weren’t available, they’d get The Iron Sheik. And when The Iron Sheik wasn’t available, they’d get Scott Bowden. Seriously, though, I’ve enjoyed my guest shots on the GIR, as Sir Adam and The Phantom not only know their stuff, but they’re also damn funny…most of the time.
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Kudos to the most dangerous tag-team on the radio today for their new book, MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING: SOLVED. Sir Adam and The Phantom have managed to capture the flavor of the show without the annoying technical difficulties that hound a typical taping. (I’m just ribbing the boys about my last interview on their show, which had to be spread out two nights because of problems with the phone connection. But that’s what happens when your radio show emits from your mother’s basement—just ask John “The Rainman” Rainey in Memphis.)
With quotes taken from past GIR transcripts, MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING: SOLVED includes comments from some of the biggest stars in wrestling, as Sir Adam and The Phantom piece together what exactly makes Meng the toughest man in the business and why Steve Austin wouldn’t agree to work a program with Jeff Jarrett in the Former Fed. In between, they gouge each other with insults that would even make former GIR guest Bobby Heenan smile.
Sir Adam on The Phantom asking “Handsome” Jimmy Valiant if he and “Luscious” Johnny were really related: “What’s scary is that Phantom actually had to ask if they were brothers in the first place. Should I break the news to him that D-Von and Bubba Ray Dudley aren’t really related?”
The Phantom on Sir Adam’s talent-evaluation skills: “Thank God I’m able to separate my thoughts from Sir Adam’s. I can’t be expected to go along with whatever he says—like that time he pegged Val Venis as being the next WWE World champion.”
Even when you think you’ve got the inside story on a particular issue, MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING: UNSOLVED gives you important perspectives from the participants actually involved. For example, Bret Hart offers further details on the infamous Montreal double-cross, in particular his relationship with referee Earl Hebner and why he felt so betrayed by how things went down.
I even learned something new about the Austin/Jarrett situation. I’d always thought that some of the heat Austin had with Jarrett stemmed from an incident that occurred following a match I’d refereed between the two in Memphis for the Southern title in 1991.
From my February 27 column:
I had just shaken hands (in soft, worked fashion, of course) with rookie “Stunning” Steve Austin, giving him the customary “Thanks, brother” – a tacit post-match custom that rasslin’ referees practice when they believe things had gone well moments ago in the ring. I then walked across the dressing-room area at the Mid-South Coliseum in Memphis to do the same to his opponent, Jeff Jarrett, who had gone over in a damn good bout to become the new Southern heavyweight champion. Jarrett was talking with Jerry Lawler, who asked how the match had gone. Jarrett’s reply: “Pretty good. I’ll say this for that guy (Austin)—he listens.”
The problem was Austin was standing right behind Jarrett, waiting to give him the same post-match courtesy. Oops. Would have been great if Austin had given Jarrett a Stunner the moment he turned around. Turns out that there was another incident that occurred in Evansville, Indiana (part of the dreaded Memphis loop in those days) that I’d never heard about, in which Jarrett made a bit of a snide comment about the size of Austin’s paycheck. I can understand why Austin continued to hold a grudge, as those meager Memphis payoffs were nothing to joke about when a man’s hungry. And while Jarrett denies making those comments regarding payoffs to Austin in Evansville that night, I witnessed that aforementioned snub in Memphis.
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Another positive of the book: You get additional viewpoints of a situation, such as Sean Waltman and Ken Shamrock discussing the Austin/Jarrett spat and referees Tommy Young, Charles Robinson and Rudy Charles discussing Hebner’s role in Montreal. (Strong comment from Young, in particular: “Who do you want heat with, Bret Hart or Vince McMahon? Who’s signing your paycheck? That answers that.” Still, I can’t believe Jerry Calhoun would have done that to Jerry Lawler with the AWA Southern title in the balance.)
Also in the book, learn why you should never go to dinner with Nikita Koloff, how Brutus Beefcake nearly became a drag queen and why some of the boys hate online ‘rasslin’ journalists like me. Speaking of Beefcake, the former Barber takes you inside the incredible brainstorming session that led to the creation of The Disciple gimmick in WCW. It’s almost as hilarious as the Hogan book describing how the Hulkster wrote the finale for NO HOLDS BARRED while squatting on the toilet.
You can order MYSTERIES OF WRESTLING: SOLVED through amazon.com.
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